Awakening
by Vintage Tea Party
Summary: Rose and the Doctor both long for reunion. Their minds yearn to be reconnected. But when the Doctor faces an enemy that only Rose can help him defeat their reunion becomes not only a shared desire but also a matter of life and death. *6th and final in the Stuff of Legend Series*
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello dear readers. I want to thank those of you who have been faithfully following this series since day one and also happily greet those of you who are new to the series. This story took me a long time to complete as it is the longest fic I've ever written and by far the longest in this series. I am very eager to share with you all the exciting things that lay ahead for our beloved Rose and Doctor.**

 **Many of you have had questions (i.e. Is there a reason why Rose is so good at telepathy? How will Rose's mortality affect their bond in the future? Will they EVER kiss?) and I have endeavored to answer all of those questions in this final installment. I have loved writing this story and I hope you will love reading it.**

Rose pulled her dressing gown tighter around her as the cold night air briefly blew by her. It was really too cool to be out but that wasn't enough reason to move her from her spot sitting on the edge of one of the fountains that inhabited the garden behind the Tyler mansion. This was her favorite place on this earth, probably the only spot in it that she actually took any pleasure in, and she especially enjoyed it when it was like it was at this moment. It was late and almost completely silent on the grounds around her and she closed her eyes and breathed deeply, enjoying the peace and solitude despite the bite in the air.

She opened her eyes and her gaze fixed on the stars in the sky above her. They were so bright and clear and once her eyes were on them she couldn't find a reason to draw them away. She had never been able to see them from her home on the estate; the lights of the city had been much too bright for that. But here, on the outskirts of town, they were quite visible. The sight of them now was both encouraging and discouraging all in one.

She could look at them and it was the closest she ever came to feeling connected to her real life, the one she'd lost. She belonged in the stars; she was meant to travel among them. They comforted her and often times being out here with them made her feel more alive than she did at any other time in this new universe. But looking at them also made her sad. These were not _her_ stars. These were not the stars that she had been to. She didn't know these stars or what they contained like she did of those in her own universe. Most disappointing of all about these particular stars, was that she knew the Doctor wasn't among them. She couldn't look at them and know he was out there somewhere.

She had been in this world and separated from the Doctor for eight months now. She could see the time passing by like a stopwatch inside of her head. She always knew that the seconds were passing and growing into minutes, into hours, into days, into weeks, and months. At any given time she could know exactly how much time had passed while they were apart. She knew their separation was wrong, that their timeline should be joined and that was probably why she felt the passage of their solitary time so potentially. Most of the time she did her best to silent that mental clock and tried her hardest not to dwell on it. She didn't want to think about how much time they had spent away from each other.

But in those moments when she did really think about the length of time that had passed she just couldn't believe it. Sometimes, she felt like the time should have been much longer than that. Every day in this world seemed to drag on for so long. She wasn't meant to be here and she felt the weight of the time spent here so heavy upon her. For all that she had gone through it seemed it should have been much longer than a mere eight months. At other times, it seemed it couldn't be possible that so many months had passed. Eight months was such a long time and, while it hadn't passed by quickly to her, it just seemed wrong that she should have spent so much time here.

She would have thought she'd feel better the longer she was here but the very opposite was true. With every passing month she felt herself getting more antsy and distraught. She felt the burden of time as it grew and every day the pressure to find a way out was stronger in her. She felt worse and more upset with herself every day that ended without a solution to their problem.

Nights were the hardest though. During the day she could work and keep busy. During the day she could feel useful and try to figure out a way to get back to the Doctor. But at night she had to slow down. She had to return to a house that, though it contained her family, did not feel like home to her. It was a strange world she was living in and at night when she was at home she felt that strongly. The nights were quiet and lonely and she felt the loss of the Doctor then more than at any other time. She longed for nothing more than to end those long and exhausting days deep inside of his mind.

Sleep also brought frustration with it. Even on the good nights, when sleep came to her without a fight and didn't terrorize her with frightening dreams, she still woke with disappointment. Three months ago, on Christmas Day to be exact, the Doctor had visited her in a dream. He had been able to connect with her in her sleep so that they were actually able to talk across the universes that separated them. Though they still hadn't been together physically they had been able to have a real conversation and that had meant so much. Every night when she went to sleep she hoped it might be the night when he would reach her again. But that day remained the one and only time that he had been able to get to her.

She knew that it had been difficult for the Doctor to achieve and that there were many things that had to line up in order for it to happen. She knew it was unlikely to happen again and she shouldn't hope for it. Logically, she knew all of that but in her heart she did still hope for it. Sometimes, she tried to convince herself she wasn't holding on to that but when she awoke with a sinking feeling in her heart after another night passed and it hadn't happened, she knew she was still hoping it would happen again.

She wrapped her arms around herself as the wind got particularly cold. Despite her loneliness at the moment, with her arms wrapped around herself she couldn't help but smile as she remembered the way the Doctor used to hold her in his arms. She felt herself warming on the inside as she recalled memories of the way he'd hold her after they'd touched minds. Focusing on the memory she could almost feel the care and love he'd projected as he held her in his arms and eased his mind off of hers. She ached to feel those moments when his arms were around her and, even though they had finished, his mind still lingered with her. She let herself dwell on the memory and remember how content she'd been in those moments following those special times they had spent in each other's minds.

"Mind if I join you?"

Rose was shaken out of her private wonderings by the voice of Pete Tyler behind her. She turned around to find him walking towards her holding two mugs in his hands. She blushed at the memory she'd been dwelling on and felt a slight stab of protest in her mind as she abandoned it for the moment.

"Sure," she said putting on a small smile as she eased her arms from around herself. He offered one of the mugs to her and she glanced inside to find hot chocolate and her smile grew to a more genuine one.

Pete smiled back as he sat down beside of her. "Jackie woke up with a craving. She just _had_ to have some hot chocolate. Of course, by the time I got back she was already asleep again. Then I saw you were out here again and thought you might enjoy it."

Rose smiled. "I do. Thank you," she said taking a sip.

"Did you have another nightmare?" he asked.

Rose looked down into the mug as she answered. "Yeah. I hope I didn't disturb you."

"No, not at all. I could sleep through practically anything. Jackie usually has to whack me pretty hard when she needs to wake me."

Rose gave a slight smile and then was silent. She knew he was just being kind. The nightmares had woken him and Jackie several times when she'd first started having them. It was only now that the two of them had gotten so accustomed to them that could sleep through Rose's distressed cries.

Every night she crawled into bed hoping that this would be the night the Doctor would manage to come to her again in her sleep. But to her dismay it was often nightmares that waited on her instead. Often times, she couldn't even remember them upon waking but they still left a terrible impression. There was no way to explain the reason for them and she figured that it was probably a symptom of her broken bond. She had somehow learned to live with the sleep disturbances but it had been hard for everyone in the beginning. Jackie and Pete had woken several times in the beginning and had worried where these terrors were coming from. But they had learned to sleep through them and Rose had learned to deal with them on her own.

"Bring back a lot of memories? Looking up there?" Pete asked pointing towards the stars, to break the silence that was between them.

"Yeah," Rose said full of fond remembrance and longing.

"Traveling among the stars," Pete marveled. "How amazing is that?"

"It _was_ amazing," Rose agreed with a sad smile.

"But it makes you sad too? Thinking of him doesn't it?"

Despite determining to have mastery over her emotions there was an immediate catch in her throat. A slight stir also went quickly through her mind but she remained strong. She wasn't going to dwell on thoughts of the Doctor that would upset her mind right now and she certainly wasn't going to cry in front of Pete. She swallowed and paused before answering.

"Yeah," she said simply.

"You'll get back to him. I know you will," he said confidently. "We have a lot of hopes for the dimension cannon. I know the success has not happened as soon as you would like but we _will_ get it to work. It's already shown a lot of progress."

"Thanks," she said looking down.

Pete fell silent. He could see that she was getting upset and she knew that he didn't know what to do or say. She tried to keep it all under wraps the best she could because she knew that no one really knew how to deal with what she was going through. She didn't expect people to understand; there was no way they could. It wasn't their fault they didn't know what was going on and she wasn't upset that she had to conceal so much of it.

"You're right. I know you are," she added with a smile, sounding much braver than she really felt.

He smiled and even though she could tell that she hadn't really fooled him she knew that he was relieved to be able to move past it. Their relationship was still not a very strong one. They had only recently passed feeling like strangers around each other and were still far from being able to talk about personal or upsetting things like these.

She still longed to call him Dad but she never did, not after that first time she had when her and the Doctor been visiting this universe. He'd not been able to handle it then and she had not attempted it a second time. The Doctor had tried to warn her of that when they'd first arrived in this universe. He was right, of course, but she hadn't listened. Pete's rejection had really hurt. She knew he hadn't meant for it to come across that way but that's the way it felt. She knew it wasn't his fault; she _wasn't_ his daughter. He'd never had a child and so it was only natural that he would have a hard time accepting her as one. She really was trying to work on not holding it against him but it was hard to forget.

But for all that she knew to be true it still didn't stop her own feelings. She'd had a dad once and Pete looked exactly like him. She knew he wasn't the same man but she wanted the second chance at having a father. Getting to know him better was one of the only good things she felt she could gain from being here but she hadn't even been able to have that. She hated feeling so distant when she really could use some comfort.

Pete stood up to leave. It almost seemed like he wanted to say something more or maybe even reach out to her. But whatever she saw there quickly passed. "Try not to stay out here too long, alright?" he said.

"Alright," she promised and she was once again left alone. As she looked up at the stars she felt lonelier than she ever had. It wasn't just a normal loneliness. She now understood what the Doctor had been talking about on that night that seemed like such a long time ago. This was the loneliness of the mind, the deepest loneliness possible, that he had spoken of then. It was a complete aloneness that touched every part of her. And it made her afraid because she knew that if she never saw the Doctor again it was a feeling that would stay with her for the rest of her life.

* * *

The Doctor placed his hand on what appeared to be just another spot on the wall of the TARDIS corridor but only he knew that it wasn't. He let it linger there for a moment before he reached for the knob he couldn't see and opened the door to let himself in.

The Doctor stood in the entrance of Rose's old room and stared at it for a long moment. It looked exactly as it had when she'd last left it. He'd put a time lock on it so that it would remain frozen in time so even though eight months had passed everything was eerily the same as when she had been here. Time, in this room only, hadn't moved since that terrible day.

He hadn't set foot in this room since that last morning they had awoke here and left together. He had refused to come back inside when he'd returned that day by himself. As he stared at it all now he began to wonder if this was really a good idea; he hadn't attempted this sooner because he wasn't sure he could stand it. It had taken him this long just to gain enough energy just to try, to make him think he might be able to bear it. He was less certain about that now than he had ever been but that did not stop him from walking further and further into the room.

This room had at one time been a mystery to him. For most of the time Rose had been with him he had not entered this room. But in the weeks leading up to her departure he'd become quite familiar with it. He'd spent every night here with her in those last few weeks, ever since that night they'd glimpsed the future, the future they feared would separate them. That night she had asked him to stay with her. He'd gladly agreed that night and had returned every night after that.

After running about all day they would always end here spending time inside of each other's minds until late. Rose never wanted to sleep at the end of those long days. She always fought it as long as she could but she couldn't escape the fact that she had to have at least some sleep every night. She hadn't wanted to waste one minute of their time so when she'd had to give into the fatigue she'd ask him to stay. She'd not needed to ask; she couldn't have made him leave for all the universe.

Nothing happened in the physical sense as humans would say. He'd had yet to even kiss her. Most of the time he just held her while she slept; he just wanted to be with her whether she was conscious or not. Eventually, he had gotten up his courage to ask her if he could listen in on her dreams while he was awake. She was a little shy about it but she agreed. Sometimes they were funny, sometimes they made no sense at all, sometimes he found himself in them. A lot of the time he could just feel her drifting, peacefully and contented throughout sleep. On the nights when he'd had to sleep himself he had rested peacefully with her nestled against his side. That had been the best sleep he'd ever had in his long life.

The Doctor hadn't thought himself as much of a romantic or tender hearted but sometimes when he watched her sleep he'd almost felt he could cry. He just couldn't believe where he was and how happy he felt. Rose was so special and he couldn't believe she was his. He couldn't believe that someone like her had chosen to be with someone like him. She'd even decided to be with him in the way he needed the most and wanted to fall in love the way he was accustomed to. She was forever connected to him and he couldn't have imagined that life would be so wonderful to him that it would give her to him.

He would feel such an influx of emotions in those quiet moments as he watched her in sleep. It was a sensation he was unaccustomed to. He had always been more passionate and emotional than the rest of his species but he found himself even more so these days. He supposed it was a side effect of having a bond with a human. They were such a romantic people, so emotional; they were so very amazing. It was a privilege to be connected to the heart of one. He was so fortunate to find himself growing more and more like her as their time together continued.

He walked slowly over to Rose's bed, stopping to pick up her dressing gown off the floor on the way. He pressed it to his face and it still smelled exactly like her. He left the soft fabric against his face as memories flooded his mind. For a brief moment, it was almost as if she were right there. Thinking about her and the deceptive scent of her made her feel near and for a second, one beautiful second, he could forget she'd been taken from him. When he opened his eyes again and remembered his situation he felt the start of an ache in his mind and he knew coming here had been a mistake.

He should leave now. Indulging himself in this way was a waste of time and it could only end in pain for him. He never did this sort of thing for this very reason. He wanted to make every minute away from her useful and wallowing in his grief would do nothing to getting him back to her. He spent his nights alone working on finding a way to reach her. Trying to find a way to get her back was a useful way of spending his time. He fought off sleep for as long as he could but on those nights when he could no longer deprive his body rest he still tried to make it worthwhile. On the nights when he could not deny his body sleep he tried to reach her through his dreams. He had yet to achieve it again as he had on that Christmas Day but he never stopped trying.

But despite all those valid arguments against staying he didn't leave. He made his way to her bed and sat down on it instead. It was still unmade as she had left it. She never made it; she was always in too much of a hurry to get on with her day to worry about keeping her room tidy. It was a fact he was now glad for. He could almost see the way she had moved in the sheets by the creases left behind. He could almost see the way they'd been wrapped up together in them. He lay down on the bed and tilted his head to rest against the pillow with his nose buried in it. He breathed in deeply and the scent he found there was even better than the one he'd found wrapped in her clothes. Here he not only found her scent but his as well, the two mingled, speaking of the time they'd spent together.

His mind started to ache, started deep down inside of his head. The pain began small, deep down where he had pushed it, where he always made it stay, but it moved now trying to grow and push farther and farther out. He should have known that being around Rose's things and so many reminders of her would cause him to have such a reaction but he thought he could fight it. Now he wasn't so sure he could and, for once, he thought maybe it would be best if he didn't try to.

He clenched his eyes as pain seared his mind. It was white hot as it spread out through his mind. He suppressed his aching for her so much of the time that he knew he made it worse when he finally did give into it. Sometimes, he wondered how his mind even functioned at all with all the destruction it held. He could feel the gaping, ugly hole inside of his mind, left behind in her absence. The edges were still torn and jagged where she had suddenly been pulled away from him. It felt like it hadn't healed at all, in all of the days since he'd been separated from her. He knew it took time for that to happen. He had been through similar experiences and he knew that healing took a terrible amount of time and even then it never got completely better.

But this bond, this time with Rose, was different than anything that he'd ever experienced. Everything was different with her. He loved being with her because everything was like new when he was doing it with her. He could feel her changing him in a way that he'd never been changed through his bond with someone else. Everything about their bond had been different and it should be no surprise that the separation of it had also been just as different. He should have known it would be so. His bond with Rose had been so emotional and so deep despite the short length of it. That had made it all the better but that now made the separation all the worse.

What he was experiencing had been unusual for his people. With death virtually taken out of the equation people that were bonded were not usually ever separated. Of course, it did happen. His people were not immortal and sometimes they did die. He remembered that it had always been a terrible thing to see someone lose a person they were bonded to no matter what the relationship had been between them. But worst of all by far was seeing someone lose a romantic partner they were bonded to. That usually occurred at the end of a very long and shared life together but occasionally it would happen before a couple had been able to share their whole lives together, Most of those people had simply faded away. They never really had been able to survive that loss; it seemed to be a bigger than anyone could handle.

He had always known, all along, that his situation with Rose would be different than those he'd known before. He'd always known that he would lose her. She wasn't a Time Lord so he had always known he wouldn't be able to count on a nearly endless life between them. He wouldn't be able to hope that dreadful terrible end wouldn't come to them. He had known she would grow old and someday she would die. He had known her life would be over all too soon and he would be left to bear the loss of her and the bond they'd created between them.

He reminded himself of this now. He'd been so happy when they'd become bonded he hadn't wanted to think about the end. But he knew he had to think about it and consider it and he had. Hadn't he already accepted that he'd lose her? He'd had to in order to ever let himself be with her, hadn't he? He _had_ accepted it, or at least as much as a person could accept such a terrible fact. It caused him great pain to think of losing her but he had accepted that burden in order to share the bond with her for as long as he was able.

But he had never counted on this. Their time was always going to be shorter than he wanted but he was still supposed to have had much longer with her than this. They were supposed to have more than the few precious months they'd spent bonded together. He'd found a way to accept her death and parting but that was really only because he thought it would be decades away. He hadn't been prepared to lose her after having only bonded with her for such a brief time and he wasn't coping with it very well at all.

The Doctor did something he didn't allow himself to do very often. He pulled the covers around himself and, wrapped up in the scent of them together and the memories of times they shared here, he allowed himself to fall apart. It was only in the secrecy of night with hours alone that he would allow himself this. He let the wave of pain come over him and it seemed to crack and fracture his mind. He let himself cry even though it made it worse because it also gave him the release he so often denied himself. He was too far gone to run from it this time so he let himself to succumb without a fight.

He let his mind reach for her even though he knew it wouldn't find her. He couldn't remember the last time he'd done it and he allowed it to reach and search as much as it desired. Eventually, it would come to realize what he already knew and it would stop its desperate search. He needed her touch so badly he wished that he could somehow find the impossible and reach her but he knew he wouldn't. The pain would ultimately subside but it would take a while. Until that happened, he held his throbbing head in his hands and focused on the reminders of her around him that both comforted him and hurt him all the more.


	2. Chapter 2

Rose walked quickly into the kitchen, throwing on her jacket and preparing to head to work. She stopped at the coffee maker and poured her coffee into a travel mug. She was running a little late and was hurrying to get out the door in time but she couldn't help but stop and pause. She was struck, as she so often was, by her own actions. It was all so _normal._ Living in a proper house, going to a regular job, was all so ordinary and so very opposite of the way she used to live. It was so very far from the way she wanted to live. After she'd started traveling with the Doctor she was sure she would never live this kind of life again and she was often hit by the strangeness of her normal life.

It almost seemed silly, even to her, that she felt her life was so normal. She was sure almost anyone would disagree with her about that. Working at Torchwood and living in a mansion was hardly what one would call a typical life. Anybody else who had found themselves in her position would find their life rather thrilling. To them, a job working for a covert agency that investigated aliens and a social life of the wealthy would make for a thrilling life. And maybe she would have too had it come at a different time in her life. Surely, nineteen year old her who had worked in a shop would find it exciting. But twenty one year old her, with all she had seen and experienced, just couldn't find it interesting enough.

She was grateful for her job. She knew that it was the closest thing she would have been able to find on this Earth to the life she'd had before. She knew no other job would have been as adventurous as this one and she was glad that it kept her busy and filled the greater part of her days. But most of all she was thankful that her work every day brought her closer to finding the Doctor. She was able to do all the research she could to help her find her way back to her original universe and she was able to work on the dimension cannon that may one day reunite her with the Doctor. As frustrating as it was to watch the days turn into weeks, into months, as she was stuck here she _was_ making slow progress and that helped.

She was also very glad she wasn't alone in this universe. Sometimes, she felt guilty for how sad and down she felt about being trapped here. She had her mum. She also had Mickey, her good friend that she had thought she would never see again. And she had Pete who, while he wasn't her real father and their relationship had its challenges, was kind to her and their relationship had potential. She felt guilty being sad when she really was surrounded by the company of people who also cared about her very much. She did her best to hide it around them but she still knew it was there and she couldn't help but wonder if she was terrible person for feeling the way she did.

At first glance, her life here really was good. She had a good, important job. She lived in a huge, beautiful house, with any material possession she could hope for within her reach. And she was surrounded by people who cared for her. But all of those things couldn't stop the nagging inside of her. It was a good life but it wasn't the one she was meant for. This wasn't where she was supposed to be and she knew even if a life was a good one, if it wasn't the one you were intended for it could never be enough. Her purpose, her heart, her very mind even was meant to be elsewhere and she knew that no matter how good things were here, she would never be satisfied.

Only she knew that she had been changed, altered in a way that could never be reversed. She was different now and the old rules, the completely human rules, that would have governed her before just wouldn't do. Her mind was different in a way that no one around her could understand. She couldn't 'move on' or just 'choose to be happy' as some might suggest. She had made a choice that would never allow her to do that. She had joined her mind to the Doctor's forever and now that she was separated from him, her mind would always strive to drive her back to him. That was what it was meant to do. It would make her miss him all the more, remember him even more frequently, and yearn for him more than she would have without the bond. It was continually pointing out her need for him in an attempt to make her go to him.

She wished it was possible for her to do that. She missed the closeness that they shared. It was something only the two of them could have. What they had was so special, every other relationship she'd had or ever could have paled in comparison to it. It was a true bond and she felt the absence of that in every relationship she now had. Relationships could be so much more and it made her sad to see how much others missed out on by not having that same special connection that her and the Doctor shared. She longed for that true joining she'd had with the Doctor where they could come to each other completely open and vulnerable with each other and then find themselves secure as they shared their very thoughts and feelings.

She missed that transparency. In the beginning, when they had first started to touch each other's minds, she had been a little worried about that. As someone who had never had another person look into her mind she had naturally been nervous about the Doctor seeing her so completely. But it hadn't taken her long to lose the fear she'd had at the start as she had shared more and more with the Doctor. Now, she not only didn't fear that openness any longer, she longed for it. She never wanted to be without it ever again because it created a genuine relationship with true intimacy. Their relationship had become unhindered by the secrets and barriers that could come in between two people.

No relationship was perfect, for any species or in any universe. But she felt that what they shared was pretty close. They fell in love like Time Lords, with some definite added human benefits of course. It was a perfect combination of mind and body and there was so much she missed about it. She missed how she could just touch him and know what his thoughts were. She missed being able to know his true feelings just by being next to him. She loved how even in the middle of a busy day he could give her just one look and she knew they would bond minds together later. And she longed for how she could just lean against him and whatever she seemed to be missing in her own spirit she would find in his, ready to be given to her.

She turned back to her coffee, stirring it and feeling much more melancholy than she had meant to be for so early in the day.

"Good morning, sweetheart."

Rose turned around at her mum's voice. She found Jackie slowly making her way to the kitchen, her large belly hindering most of her movements these days, especially when she first woke. "Morning, Mum. I'm surprised to see you up so early."

Jackie came to stand next to Rose, pulling her dressing gown tight around her, though it didn't stay closed the way it should have anymore. She set a kettle on the stove and turned to Rose. "I didn't sleep so well."

"Yeah, Pete told me you were up last night."

"Yeah. He said he saw you up. Did you have another nightmare?"

"Yeah, I did," Rose admitted but she quickly shrugged it off.

"Did you remember what this one was about?"

"No."

"Well, I hope they ease up soon so you can get some sleep."

"Yeah me too."

Rose didn't say any more about it. She didn't think her dreams were a normal occurrence and she didn't have much hope of them passing naturally on their own. Her mind felt like it was in a constant state of chaos. Sometimes, it felt so bad she marveled that she was ever able to pretend she was normal and unaffected by what was going on inside. It really only seemed natural that her sleep would be impacted by it.

It was better to think that the bad dreams were a side effect of her troubled mind than it was to think of the alternative. She hoped it wasn't the Doctor reaching out to her in some way. He hadn't come to visit her in her dreams since the time he had at Christmas but that didn't mean he wasn't trying. She felt sure he would try it again after the success they'd had. But these days her sleep left her feeling so upset and troubled that if the Doctor was trying to reach her than it must be in distress.

She didn't voice any of these concerns though; it would only sound strange. Her mum didn't know that sometimes dreams weren't just dreams. She didn't know that Rose and the Doctor were capable of communicating through them. Without knowing that she would only worry if she knew Rose was so concerned about the nightmares. She knew the sleep disturbances troubled Rose but she didn't know the half about why they bothered her and Rose knew there was no reason for her to.

"You've been too stressed lately. You need to relax and take care of yourself."

Rose forced a smile. "I'll try," she said as convincingly as she could but she felt sad.

Things hadn't been the best between Rose and her mum since they had arrived in the parallel universe. Overtly things didn't seem all that different but Rose could sense the definite strain between them. Rose couldn't be completely honest with her mum and she knew the secrets kept between them were hurting their relationship.

Rose had really given some thought about whether or not she would tell her mum about what she and the Doctor shared. She really had wanted to tell her mum about all the exciting things she was capable of now and how extraordinary her relationship with the Doctor had become because of all of it. And she had almost done it a few times but she stopped herself each time. Rose couldn't stop remembering the conversation she'd had with her mum on the TARDIS that very day they'd been pulled into this universe. Her mum had thought Rose was changing; she had seen Rose becoming more and more like the Doctor. She thought Rose was losing her humanity and she had made it quite clear she did not like what she saw. She said one day Rose wouldn't even be human and it was clear that she had been terrified and appalled at the thought.

Rose couldn't forget that look of almost disgust on her mum's face. She couldn't imagine how her mum would actually look at her if she told her that she _was_ changing. Her mum wouldn't be happy to know that Rose _was_ different and maybe she really was a little less human than she used to be. She was definitely more like the Doctor than she used to be. She didn't want to think of how differently her mum would look at her if she knew the things she was capable of doing in her mind. She might even look at Rose like she was an alien herself. She wanted her mum to really understand the trouble she was going through; she wanted her to know how deep a loss this was and know she wasn't just being stubborn when she said she couldn't just move past it. But she didn't want her mum to look at her differently, so she had decided to keep it to herself.

She also knew her mum still held some hurt feelings about Rose's choice to stay in their home universe. If Rose had had her own way, then she would have stayed in their universe and her mum would have lived in the parallel one. Rose hadn't even said goodbye to her mum that day; there just hadn't been time. Rose had been so upset when she'd been forced into the parallel universe that her mum had been kind and hadn't brought up the issue. She was glad her mum had had mercy on her because those first few days would have been even more terrible if she had known her mum was mad at her.

When she had gotten through those first few terrible days, she did eventually notice the pain she'd caused in her mum. She knew her mum was hurt and for good reason. She'd apologized for not saying goodbye and her mum had said it was alright and she understood. Rose knew she had her mum's forgiveness but that didn't mean she had her full trust anymore. That day had left a mark on their relationship.

That piled on top of all the things her mum didn't know about her had caused a real rift between them. Rose didn't like keeping parts of herself from her mum. Their relationship had been improving over the last couple of years and was better than it had ever been. She didn't like that they were on a downwards slant again.

She knew her mum worried about her and she didn't want her to. Her mum was very happy in this universe and she didn't understand why Rose couldn't be at least a little happy after so many months of being here. Rose felt the disparity between them and she wished she could explain the reason for it but she'd long ago decided against it. She just didn't feel that there was any good that could be gained from it. There was nothing her mum could do to change her situation and she didn't want to ruin the happiness that her mum had found for herself here.

"I've gotta go," Rose said giving her mum a kiss on the cheek before she headed out the door.

It was only when she outside and out of her mum's sight that she let her face fall back to where it was more in line with her true feelings. She really wished that everything didn't feel so wrong here.

* * *

 **A/N: This scene takes place immediately following the events of "Evolution of the Daleks."**

The Doctor walked into the TARDIS with Martha following close behind. They were both silent for a while, thinking about the events of the past couple of days they'd spent in New York fighting the Daleks. Martha looked particularly thoughtful but the Doctor was too apprehensive of her answer to ask her what was on her mind. He decided to leave her in her own thoughts and was already fiddling with controls when she finally spoke.

"Are we going to talk about it?" she asked, caution and nervousness in her voice.

The Doctor instantly felt anxious at the question. He contemplated first if it was at all possible to avoid the question but when he realized that he wouldn't be able to ignore the question entirely he reluctantly responded. "Talk about what?" he asked, not meeting her eye and acting aloof as if he didn't have any idea at all what she might ask him.

"Doctor," she said, concern in her voice. "I'm worried about you."

Martha had been traveling with him for two months now. He had debated long and hard in the beginning about bringing her with him. Even after they had successfully defeated Florence the Plasmavore and cleaned up the mess the Judoon had left on the moon he had gone back to his TARDIS and left her on Earth, thinking he wouldn't see her again. But he hadn't been able to make himself leave immediately even though he thought he had decided not to invite her to come with him. Instead, he found himself seriously wondering if she might like to travel with him. She had more than proven herself worthy of the invitation and he was almost certain she would accept if asked.

But he hadn't been sure if he was ready for that. He had been alone for months and he had become so private and isolated that he wasn't sure he wanted to let someone else in. His life was not in the best state and he was out of practice interacting with others. He knew he would have to make some changes if someone else was there. It had also seemed wrong to offer someone a spot that wasn't really open to be filled. Though Rose had become so much more than just his traveling companion, she was still the last person who had accepted such an offer and to extend it to someone else seemed wrong.

Ironically, it had ultimately been thinking about Rose that had finally made him decide to ask Martha if she wanted to come along with him. He knew that Rose worried about him when he had said he was on his own. The separation was difficult for them both but she at least had her family with her. He didn't have anyone else and he knew she wouldn't want him to be alone. She would want him to accept the opportunity of making a new friend, of having a companion to keep him company. He knew she wouldn't be upset; one of the great things about the bond was that it didn't allow any room for jealously. When you were bonded to someone you knew where you stood with the other person and you could be fully secure in knowing that it would never change.

As was always the case, he found that Rose was right. Martha was good for him and he was glad he had asked her to travel with him. He still struggled every day with the pain of losing Rose but he found that having a friend around _did_ help ease that pain if only slightly. Just not being alone was a big improvement. With someone else's eyes upon him he thought about himself more and gave more consideration to taking care of himself. He had to adhere to a schedule and pay attention to all of those little details like changing his clothes and eating every day and if he didn't Martha would notice and point it out to him.

It also helped greatly to have another person to focus his attention on. Before Martha had come to travel with him he'd spent almost every moment thinking about his separation from Rose and working on solutions to get back to her. While he wanted to spend every minute he could on working to get back to her he knew focusing every second of his thought to it had been a detriment to himself. It was destructive to every aspect of his health to focus every waking thought on everything he'd lost and pressuring himself to make it right again. With Martha there now he could allow himself to have adventures again. It was a good distraction to be going places again and experiencing it with someone who was seeing it all with new eyes.

The daily activity was good for him. But sometimes, he felt guilty when he realized he was genuinely having fun. Most of the time he was just faking enjoyment but there were a few times, when he actually felt happy. Those times were few and far in between but they happened occasionally. Martha was a smart girl and a good companion to have by his side. She enjoyed their travels and that human excitement, so fresh and new, had always been contagious. He had a few good moments but he felt guilty for every single one of them.

In those moments of guilt, he had to remind himself that his situation now actually made him better for his mission of getting back to Rose. He'd been way too burnt out before and so deep in depression he hadn't been doing anyone any good. Spending his days with Martha made him all the better for the nights, almost every one of which he spent working and researching and searching for any way back to Rose. It kept his mind sharp and focused and already he felt he'd made more progress in the two months Martha had been with him than the six he'd spent on his own.

Martha had been a real and proper friend to him. He hated that he needed that as much as he did. He'd always been more human than the rest of his people but his time with Rose inside of her head had changed him and made him even more like her. He was built now for relationship and tailored for his bond to Rose; he needed comfort and companionship even more than he had before. Without her there he was left lonelier than he had ever been. Though Martha's company was not even close to being a substitution for Rose's it did still help a lot. It felt good to have someone care about him. He knew that this time in his life had not been his finest but Martha still treated him good. She had still been a true friend even when he knew he wasn't holding up his end of the bargain as much as he should.

One of the things that made the friendship work so well, at least in his opinion, was that she respected the privacy he needed. She didn't pester him or pressure him to talk about things he wasn't comfortable with. He knew he wasn't as good of an actor as he hoped; he knew she saw he was in pain. And yet she never forced him to talk about it. She gave him his space and he was grateful for that.

However, his streak of luck in this department seemed to be at its end. He knew he had been asking for trouble when he'd spoken honestly earlier. Just a few moments ago, Martha had remarked "There's someone for everyone." He should have agreed with her. He should have just put on a smile and agreed with her. At the very least, he should have kept his mouth shut and let the comment go. But her statement had made him uncommonly sad and his face had fallen as he'd remarked with a serious expression, "Maybe."

Admitting the truth was a mistake and he knew that. He'd allowed the veil to fall and that had been an error on his part. But her innocent enough statement had caused a stronger reaction in him than he had been prepared for. Sometimes, he was so good at burying the pain, of pushing it down and not letting it show. But sometimes, like this time, it came close to the surface without warning.

There really was someone for everyone and Rose was his someone. She was meant for him. If he could have someone as special as her then he knew there was hope for anyone. It was such a happy sentiment but it did not guarantee a happily ever after. He was meant to be with Rose but she had been taken from him.

His mind started to pulse with pain at the thought. It came from deep down inside of his mind where he repressed it and was a dull ache. He kept himself from indulging in thoughts of Rose during the day for this very reason. Pain came with thoughts of her and the absence of her presence. Right now, it was slight and manageable but it would get worse if he didn't control it. It would soon overwhelm him and he couldn't let himself feel that around Martha.

"You don't need to worry about me," he said, this time being conscious of making himself smile. He tried to make himself look happy to ward off suspicion and he pushed the sad thoughts away in the hopes he could chase away the pain.

He hoped she would drop the matter as she always had before but she wasn't to be deterred this time. "I think I do," she said insisted quietly, walking a few steps closer to him.

"Well, you shouldn't," he said firmly. He didn't wanted to be mean but he wanted to close this discussion as quickly as possible.

"Yes, I should," she said her own voice sterner this time.

He looked at her, detecting the certainty in her voice. "What makes you say that?" he asked challenging her. He didn't know what she was on to and though he was worried she might be closer to the truth than he liked, he also doubted she would get it completely right. He assured himself that there was no way she could possibly know the truth of what was going on.

"Doctor, you put yourself in danger several times and I think we need to talk about that."

"These missions get dangerous," he explained. "They aren't all calm and safe. Sometimes I find myself in harm's way."

He knew it was a low blow to insinuate she didn't understand the nature of his work but he needed the attention off of himself as quickly as possible. He tried his best to skim over it but he could tell she still took offense at it. She was new to this life but she knew what it was about and she didn't seem appreciate him trying to act like she didn't know what she was talking about. "This time was different and you know it."

"No, it wasn't."

"Yes, it was. You put yourself in harm's way, _intentionally_. I fully understand that these missions are dangerous but you were unnecessarily reckless on this one."

The Doctor knew it was true. He _had_ been reckless, jumping in front of danger at every opportunity with eagerness. Even he didn't understand why he had done it. He couldn't deny it and he would have to admit that his actions alarmed even himself. It really was as if he no longer valued his safety and maybe subconsciously he didn't. But he wasn't going to admit that Martha. After searching for but not finding a defense he just ignored her statement.

"I'm just saying," she continued when she saw he wasn't going to answer, her voice kinder now. "Since I'm traveling with you and I depend on you to get where we're going... I need to know if you're trying to harm yourself."

He turned around quickly to look at her, surprised and startled by her words. "I am not trying to hurt myself," he said with determination.

When she answered her voice was gentle and nonjudgmental. "Are you sure?"

She meant it as an honest question and he could see she really was worried about him and his safety. She was giving him the chance to talk, a safe place to express himself if he wanted to take it. She was offering him the help she thought he needed. The thing was he didn't know the answer to her question and that scared him.

"I'm sure," he said, even though he didn't quite believe it.

She didn't believe it either. She knew he was in trouble even if she didn't know what it was and she wasn't ready to give up on the subject yet. "Really? Then why did you want that Dalek to kill you?"

"I didn't want a Dalek to kill me," he said, confused at where she was drawing her conclusions.

"When we were in Hooverville you just jumped in front of it."

"I was trying to reason with it."

"You were _begging_ it to shoot you."

The Doctor felt a stab in his gut, remembering. It hadn't been his finest moment and he recalled it now with some embarrassment. "I was trying to save those people," he said with more calm than he felt as he considered that particular memory. "If it was focused on me if wouldn't want to kill them. Besides, I knew it wouldn't really kill me."

"Really? You know that for a fact? How is that since it had just killed an innocent man?"

He _hadn't_ known that for a fact. The truth was he hadn't really been thinking at all but he answered her as if it had been a well thought out plan. "I've dealt with the Daleks before. I know what they're going to do and how to anticipate their actions."

"So, that's how you also knew all those human Daleks wouldn't shoot you when you begged them to kill you?" she asked, her expression clearly skeptical. Martha was smart and entirely too clever to fall for the weak lies he was giving.

He knew she wasn't serious but he went with it anyway hoping she'd get frustrated and give up. "Exactly."

"O.K. So, then how do you explain allowing yourself to be electrocuted? You even lost your sonic in the process and were very out of it when I found you. But I suppose that was all part of the plan too?"

He couldn't help it; he couldn't look at her anymore. She knew the truth and she was saying it all back to him. "The Daleks...they destroyed everything," he said quietly. "They've taken my whole world...twice now. The last time I saw one..." he said but then he stopped. There was a catch in his throat and he wasn't even sure why he had begun to say what he had been planning on saying. He couldn't believe he'd been so close to saying the truth out loud.

The last time he'd seen a Dalek they had taken Rose from him. Maybe that was why this mission had been so hard for him. He hadn't connected the pieces until this moment but maybe that was why he'd acted so strangely and recklessly. He hadn't thought about how he would react when he saw one again. He'd always hated the Daleks but it got worse every time he encountered them. This time what they had stolen from him was so fresh in his mind and the wound so deep and raw it all came back to him easily.

"The last time you saw one…what?" Martha asked with understanding and kindness, clearly eager to listen to him.

He regretted his momentary lapse. He didn't want to talk about that; he didn't even want to think about that day. All the sadness and melancholy he'd been feeling earlier increased. His mind ached for Rose, seeking out reassurance and comfort from her both of which it wouldn't find.

"Doctor," Martha said quietly as she stepped closer to him, reaching out a hand to him but he stepped away from it. "I know you don't want to do yourself harm...but you're getting into dangerous territory."

The Doctor was still staring determinedly at the console in front of him. She was being kind to him and she was completely right in what she was saying. He just wished she'd let him go though. He wanted her to let him go and be alone in his sorrow. He wanted to give into the pain that was brewing; he wanted to be able to indulge himself completely in his sadness. He usually ran from it but right now it was so close to the surface he just wanted to be able to take care of it.

"I know you're sad. I can see it in your eyes. It's nothing to be embarrassed about," she said quickly, noticing the uncomfortable expression on his face. "I know you're in a lot of pain and I just want to help."

"You can't," he said gravely and it was the truth. As much as he wanted comfort the only comfort that would solve the problem was out of his reach. Martha could listen, he could further humiliate himself and let her see him cry but that was all that could be achieved in this. Martha wouldn't know what he was talking about and it would only hurt him all the more to have to explain it.

"Maybe it would help if you talked about Rose," Martha suggested so quietly he barely heard her.

The Doctor's mind flared in pain at just her name. His mind knew her name; it knew it was intended for that name. Everything he was trying to repress in himself multiplied tenfold. He was so desperate for Rose that just the mention of her name set off such a powerful reaction in him that he had to close his eyes for a moment to deal with it.

His mind was searching in earnest now and that was a bad thing. This was the strongest he had ever felt it around Martha and he had to do something about it. If this went on he knew he'd lose it and he refused to do that in front of her. This pain was private and he intended to keep it that way.

He opened his eyes to look at her. "Do not talk about her," he said, clear warning in his voice when he spoke. He had been patient with her questions but it ended here.

"I know you miss her," she said stepping towards him, her voice begging. "And that's alright. But I think your grief is starting to put you in danger."

"Martha," he said, his voice full of caution again. "You know nothing about this situation."

"No, I don't," she agreed. "Because you haven't told me anything. But I think it would help if you talked about it."

The Doctor laughed, humorlessly. "It would _not_ help." Just talking about it was making it worse. Martha had no idea what he was going through or how meaningless talking about it would be.

"How do you know?"

"I just do," he said, finally. He knew it was a lame excuse but he hoped they were at least finished with this conversation. His head was pounding, burning and moving so fiercely now that he pressed a hand to it. He knew that would do no good but he focused his energy inside on pressing the pain back down.

"Doctor, you and Rose-" Martha started cautiously.

She'd said the name again and all the progress he'd made was done away with. His distress increased so much that he felt himself just on the edge of losing it. With one more word he would be undone and he would not allow that to happen.

"Stop it! Just stop it! Alright?" he said turning around to face Martha again. "Do not talk about her. Do not act like you know anything about this situation. You know nothing about her and you know nothing about us. I'm not going to talk about any of this, so stop trying to act like you know anything about what's going on here. You know nothing."

The Doctor instantly regretted his words. Martha wasn't one to cry openly but she pressed her lips together and looked down and he knew without a doubt that he had hurt her. His pain started to retreat and the moving in his mind was calming but he didn't feel as good about that as he had expected. He knew she had only been concerned about him and had nothing but his best in mind. He hadn't meant to hurt her and he hated himself for snapping at her and being so short with her when she had been nothing but understanding with him.

He was just so afraid. He was afraid of what he felt, of the pain and loneliness and sadness he felt inside and how strong they could be if he gave them his full attention. He was afraid of this throbbing in his head and how bad it could get and how overwhelming it could be. He was afraid of how close to the edge he always felt he was. Just the mention of Rose's name made all of it worse and he knew that if he talked about her at all then he would lose it. He was like a spring, wound so tightly from the pressure of keeping it all to himself that he knew it would only take a slight touch and he would snap.

When Martha finally overcame the emotions that were building up inside of herself she looked at him again and spoke. It made it all the worse that she spoke so calmly, without any of the anger that he deserved. "Doctor, I think that maybe you and I need to take a short break."

His mouth dropped open in surprise and he felt his hearts start to beat rapidly in worry. That wasn't what he had been expecting to hear and it wasn't what he wanted either. He had never stopped to think that Martha might leave him. He thought back to the time he'd spent on his own before he'd met her. Only now that he had a friend again did he realize how terrible and lonely that time had been and he desperately didn't want to return to it. He knew he was difficult to live with and he knew he had made a mistake here but he had hoped to be given another chance before she decided she was through with him.

He struggled to think of something to say, something clever to convince her to stay. But he was at a loss. He was too emotional to be his usually charming and clever self. He was too upset right now about Rose and he was too panicked about losing Martha to think clearly. He also knew, deep down, that any argument he could give Martha wasn't enough. He hadn't been a very good friend to her and he deserved to be left.

She must have noticed at least part of his alarm because she spoke again. "I just think maybe we need a tiny bit of time away from each other, get a little space, clear our heads a bit. I'm not saying it's permanent or anything…I just think we both could use it."

It hurt because he didn't want space. But he couldn't blame her if she needed it from him. And he had to admit maybe, if she was gone for a few days he would learn to appreciate her as he should. "Alright," he agreed. "Maybe that would be for the best."

The Doctor set a course for Earth and Martha's home. He hoped that everything _would_ be alright and that Martha would come back and they would be better after some time apart. He really hoped that there was no reason for the nagging sense of doom he felt as they got closer and closer to their destination.


	3. Chapter 3

Martha stared dully at the T.V. in front of her, absentmindedly flipping through channels before she finally settled on the news. She knew it didn't really matter what she left it on because she wasn't really watching it. She had been home now for just a little over 24 hours and she was already _bored._ She hadn't been traveling with the Doctor long, so she was particularly surprised to find how quickly life with him had made life on Earth dull in comparison. She hated to admit that in such a short time here she already missed him and regretted having asked him to bring her home for a visit.

She wondered in the back of her mind if he would come back for her. She had made it very clear that her request to go home was to be temporary; all she wanted was a visit, not a permanent stay. But she still had her doubts as to whether he would keep it as one. She hadn't been angry at him for lashing out and she didn't want to end things between them. But she had been hurt by it and only wanted some space. She didn't know what he had feeling about it all and she wondered if this would be the point where he would call it quits with her. She had always known her spot on the TARDIS was a temporary one. He'd always made that abundantly clear. He kept reminding her she was not a replacement for Rose and her traveling with him was not to be permanent. She lived in fear of when this arrangement would end because she'd already become so fond of this new life.

She kept remembering their fight and having mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, she knew she shouldn't have pressed him. She never got too close to those personal feelings for the very reason that she feared it would push him away forever. She knew that trying to get him to talk about Rose was a mistake and that he would fight it. But on the other hand, she knew he was being unreasonable. He was clearly in pain. He'd been hurting from his loss of Rose ever since she'd known him. He may be afraid of the grief he felt but the only way to heal was to go through it. It was just stubborn of him to think he could ignore it and it would go away. He may not like it but one day he would have to face it.

Her intentions were good even if maybe her way of going about it hadn't been. She knew she had been right but she sighed in defeat anyway. She wasn't sure doing the right thing was worth losing her chance to travel with him. She may have had his best in mind when she had tried to help but that didn't mean he would see it that way. She could see now that he wanted to keep his pain buried at all costs and she thought it was very likely that the cost of her trying to pull it up might very well be the privilege of traveling with him. She had very legitimate concerns that he would not want to face her again after she had crossed that line she knew he'd drawn.

She turned the volume up on the T.V to cover the sound of her mum's droning coming from the other room. Martha hadn't been gone very long, especially where everyone else around her was concerned. The Doctor had been mindful to return her to a time that would not allow her absence to have been noticed. But even though she'd been gone a very short time in Earth days that hadn't given her mum a shortage of insignificant things to go on and on about. It all seemed so petty and in her current forlorn mood Martha couldn't help but feel it was all ridiculous. She knew that one did not have a conversation with her mum; her mum had a conversation _at_ them. It had always irked her that her mum could go on and on about things, most of which were silly, not even bothering to let anyone else participate in the conversation. But Martha still hoped this cynical mood would pass. She'd always been maybe a little critical of her mum but she had never been mean-spirited which was what she was now on the brink of becoming. If she really was to be stuck here permanently she hoped she wouldn't always feel so negative about life on Earth.

She focused her attention back on the T.V. in an attempt to escape these troubling thoughts and she noticed that there was actually a strange story being covered at the moment. She turned the volume up so she could hear better what they were talking about when she noticed the title of the story at the bottom of the screen. The news reporter was standing outside of a hospital in London where a local professor had been brought following his death. The man in question had only last year been named one of the world's most intelligent people. He had also received many awards and honors in his field, where he was considered to be a leading expert. According to the report he had died in his sleep but the initial autopsy had revealed no cause of death.

Martha thought that was rather curious. What was even stranger was when the reporter said that the death was considered highly suspicious and was being treated as a murder. Martha soon learned that this case was the fifth in a line of similar deaths that had all investigators involved stumped. In the past week, there had been four other people who had died in their sleep from unexplainable causes. Each of the people who had died was a notable figure; all were recognized to be some of the brightest and most innovative people on Earth. The victims were from different countries all over the world but they were all considered to be linked because of their high profile status, the same but unexplained cause of death and the short amount of time they had all taken place in.

Investigators believed the death of the most recent victim to be caused by the same person or persons responsible for the other four from the past week. But as of now they didn't have an explanation for what had happened. All the victims had been fine and none had been known to have any untreated health conditions. They had all gone to bed one night and had been dead by the next morning.

Martha was so engrossed in the strange story that she didn't even hear the Doctor approaching her until he spoke.

"Good. You're caught up," the Doctor said excitedly looking at the screen in front of her.

Martha jumped, surprised to find the Doctor next to her. "You scared me," she said holding a hand to her chest and taking in several breaths. But once the surprise of his appearance had started to subside she felt it being replaced with happiness that he was there. He had returned after all.

"Sorry," he said quickly before moving on again. "But it's strange don't you think?" he asked pointing towards the T.V.

When she looked at him she saw he had a smile on his face and that look that said he was on to something. It was a terrible news story but he looked like a kid on Christmas. There was something going on and he couldn't wait to investigate.

"Yeah," she said trying to contain a smile of her own; it hardly seemed appropriate to smile about such things. "I've never heard of anything like it. Seems everybody's stumped by it."

"Not everyone," he said a large grin breaking out on his face.

"You think it's alien?" she asked.

"Weeelllll I think there's a good possibility," he said rocking back and forth on his feet his hands deep in pockets, practically jumping with energy. "You want to go and check it out?" he asked nonchalantly.

Martha couldn't keep from smiling now, whether it was decent or not, and stood up quickly. It was amazing how fast she was already itching to get back out there as well. "Mum, I need to get going. I'll call you soon, alright?" she called out already following the Doctor out the door and on to their latest adventure.

* * *

"So, do you know who's responsible?" Martha asked later once they were back in the TARDIS.

"Not exactly," the Doctor said staring at a screen on his console, scrolling quickly through information in a language that Martha couldn't read. "But after talking to a few people at the hospital where the last victim was brought I have a few ideas."

"You just went to the hospital and started asking questions?" Martha asked surprised.

"How else was I supposed to get information?"

"But they don't just let anyone in to start asking questions."

"I _am_ a Doctor," he said turning to her.

"Yes," she said. "But it's not exactly the same thing. You don't work there and so that would generally be considered as breaking in."

He grinned. "Does that surprise you? It's how we met."

"It _shouldn't_ surprise me," she said with a smile. "So, what are your theories?"

"Well, I'm not sure exactly who is behind this but I have a few species in mind. After my own investigation I believe all of the victims were killed by a telepath of some sort. I only know of a few species that would be capable of that strength but none of those species have ever proven to be the violent type. I feel it must be one of them but I can't narrow it down to one based on past behavior."

"Why would they do this? You think it's for information?"

"Yes. Considering all of the victims were considered to be great scholars, if I had to guess what the motive was I would say it was a greed for knowledge."

"But why kill them?"

"It would be the only way to get the information for themselves."

"How would they do that?"

The Doctor's face was solemn when he answered her question. "The mind of the most recent victim had been completely wiped cleaned like someone had gone inside and just taken all of his thoughts until there was nothing left."

Martha grimaced. "That's actually possible?"

"Unfortunately, yes. But for all the telepathic species I know, including my own, doing something like this is considered the greatest crime someone could commit. I just don't know who would be doing this."

Martha could easily see that an offense, especially of this nature, made the Doctor incredibly angry. Something about it hit close to home for him and she could see the effect of it was greater than anything else she had seen him go through before. She could almost see that his mind was in the past, thinking about his own people again. But considering their recent argument she knew better than to ask him about that right now. "Is there anything I can do to help?" she offered instead.

"No. There really isn't anything that can be done until I realize who it is that we're dealing with. I'm going to have to do some more research before I can understand what we're up against and what would be the best way to approach this. Why don't you get some sleep for now; it is getting kind of late."

For a moment Martha felt a bit torn about what to do at his suggestion. She wondered if she was meant to stay here or if he meant for her to go back home. "What do you mean?" she asked casually so she didn't reveal her own nerves. But at the same time she hoped he would elaborate on what he meant.

"I mean you can go and get some sleep. In your room. If you want," he said. There was an air of what was surely meant to sound like calmness in his voice but he looked down when he said it and that showed Martha that he was just as unsure and nervous as she was.

"O.K." she said and he smiled in return. That seemed to be all he needed to hear and the end of their conversation so Martha turned to leave and head for her room.

"Martha," the Doctor called out to her just as she was almost out of the room.

"Yeah?" she asked turning around to face him.

"Are we…alright? Me and you?" he asked nervously.

Martha smiled slightly. It wasn't often that she saw the Doctor like this. She knew he had a lot of emotions but he hardly ever let her see them. So to see him now, feeling so vulnerable and allowing himself to be honest with her really meant something to her.

She had been upset with him before. She'd been more hurt than angry from his outburst against her the yesterday. But it was these moments, when she just barely got to see behind that heavy veil he wore, that gave her the most hope. He was damaged but he was also a work in progress. He was stubborn in his ways but he wasn't unchangeable. "Yeah, we're good," she answered quietly.

He smiled and she could tell he was relieved. She felt a prick in her heart to see it. So much of the time she felt she didn't matter to him at all but right now she could see that she did. He didn't always show it but it was there. "Good night, Martha."

"Good night, Doctor." Martha left the Doctor to his work and walked to her room. She felt good knowing that things had been resolved between them and she knew she would sleep well knowing there was peace between them and knowing that her place was still here.

* * *

When Martha woke the next morning she was surprised to find that the Doctor wasn't in the console room. He almost always was there to greet her whenever she woke up and walked in ready for the day. She sat on the jump seat and decided to wait on him. She figured that he was probably off somewhere gathering some sort of information or resources for his research and she eagerly waited for him to return. She felt particularly good this morning since her and the Doctor had gotten past the fight they'd had two days ago and she was ready to be moving on.

A while passed before her excitement to start the day made her restless and she decided to go looking for him. She checked the library, several labs and the infirmary but to her surprise she didn't find him in any of those places. There were many more rooms in the TARDIS but she didn't know any more of them and wouldn't know where to start looking for him among them. It was only then, with dread hitting her heavily, she realized there was one place she knew of that she hadn't looked. It was the one place she should have looked first.

As she ran down the corridor she berated herself for being so stupid that she hadn't thought of it sooner. Given what had been going on lately and the nature of the case they were investigating she should have thought to check his bedroom first. Maybe subconsciously she had been so afraid of what finding him there might mean that she hadn't even let herself think of it.

She arrived at the Doctor's bedroom door and took a deep breath before she knocked on it. She felt adrenaline and dread coursing through her and growing stronger every second that passed without his answering. All the hope she'd had that she had only been jumping to the worse conclusion were gone in a matter of moments as her knock went unanswered. She knocked again, harder this time, but this knock also went unanswered.

She was fearful as she reached for the doorknob knowing that she had to go in and check but tears were already filling her eyes as she thought about what she would find. She turned the knob and opened the door holding her breath and feeling as if even her heart paused in anticipation and anxiety.

The room was dark but it was easy to see at once that the Doctor's still form was in the bed. A strangled sob left her mouth. "No," she whispered.

Her legs felt numb and so heavy as she drug them slowly over to the bed. It was hard to see him in the darkness but she was too afraid to turn on a lamp and look at him in the full light. She closed her eyes and bit her lip, already feeling like she wanted to cry. She had to confirm her suspicion but she didn't want to. Right now she could still believe this was a bad dream and hold on to that hope even though everything else was pointing against it. After she checked she would have to accept the truth no matter how dreadful it might be.

Why hadn't she thought to warn him? She kicked herself for leaving him last night. She should have stayed with him; she should have made sure that he had stayed awake. He had been investigating this thief who stole minds and it made perfect sense that the telepath responsible would have found out and come after him. Why hadn't that even occurred to her?

Her hands were shaking as she reached them out to him but she knew she had to have the courage to do this. She placed her fingers at the side of his neck and she let out a cry. It was followed by several more, happy ones, because she felt a pulse. She checked again to make sure and found that both of his hearts were beating. They were weak and when she placed her hand in front of his mouth she found his breath, though shallow, was undeniably there as well.

She reached to turn on the light now that she wasn't as afraid as she had been before. The Doctor looked like he was asleep but his face was twisted in a way that made it seem like he was in pain. "Doctor…Doctor," she called, not so loudly that it would startle him but loud enough to wake him.

He didn't stir and she tried again louder this time. "Doctor!"

But again he didn't move. She reached out and gently shook him but this also didn't seem to have an effect on him. After she had shaken him as hard as she dared and he still slept she knew she had to face the facts: He wasn't going to wake up.

It would just be too much a conscience to assume that the Doctor being unable to awake now and the recent unexplained deaths were not connected in some way. They were so alike they had to be related and yet they were also very different. All the other victims had gone to sleep and were gone by the morning. But the Doctor, while he appeared trapped in sleep, remained alive. She didn't know how that was possible or what this would mean for him. She didn't know how much longer he would have or how or even if it was going to be possible to wake him. But he was still alive and that gave her every reason to hope.

She was so happy she'd gotten here in time but she found herself starting to cry again. "I'm sorry, Doctor," she said. She still felt like she should have prevented this in some way. The Doctor was so reckless these days he just didn't take care of himself. He didn't seem to think of the danger he might be in at all anymore. She knew that and she knew she had to keep an eye on him because of it. But she'd failed to do that in this instant.

She wiped her tears and resolved to figure out what was going on. She may have failed to prevent this but she was going to do everything in her power to try and fix it.


	4. Chapter 4

Martha paced anxiously around the console room, wracking her brain for some sort of solution. She held the Doctor's sonic in her hands tossing it back and forth between them as she went. She'd grabbed it in the hopes that it would help her in some way. Maybe, holding it would cause some of the Doctor would rub off on her. That had been futile, of course, and perhaps the real reason she picked it up was just that she wanted it close to her.

She didn't know how long she had been there trying to figure out a way to help the Doctor. She wouldn't allow herself to look at the clock because she feared that every second that passed brought the Doctor closer to death. She didn't know how long he'd have. Already he was on borrowed time and she just couldn't bear to know how much of that time was passing while she tried to come up with a plan.

She had come in here to try and find out what the Doctor might have learned about their current enemy. She hoped there was more information in his notes than he'd had the chance to share with her. But she had gotten nowhere with his research. She couldn't even find anything in English and she didn't know how to get it to translate out of his language. She'd tried for a long time before she had given up in defeat, shouting several heated words at the TARDIS as she did so.

She felt useless and her concern about the Doctor only grew with every passing minute. She didn't know what else to do. She thought of everything she'd seen while she had been traveling with him in the hopes that it may give her a helpful perspective for their current dilemma. But she came up with nothing she felt would help in this scenario and felt completely worthless that she couldn't do more. She had thought she had become a helpful companion but she couldn't feel like one now that she was of no use to the Doctor all on her own.

She was still deep in thought and worry when she was startled by the sound of the TARDIS front doors opening. The room had been completely quiet and the loud sound made her jump. The current conflict also left her feeling especially on edge. They didn't even know who was causing all the danger so the appearance of a stranger standing right across from her put her on full alert.

The man was well dressed and had on a long coat with almost had a military feel to it. He was tall with dark hair and he looked almost as surprised to see her as she was to see him. A look of confusion passed over his face before he asked. "Who are you?"

"Who are _you_?" she shot back.

"I asked you first," he said with a smile, like it was a joke. Martha felt a flair of anger burn up inside of her. She wasn't the intruder here and she didn't have to explain herself. He was the one who didn't belong here and she was about to let him know. After the day she'd had she had no patience left for trespassers showing up and playing jokes on her.

The unknown man started to walk towards her and she pointed the Doctor's sonic at him. "Don't you come any closer," she said in the toughest and most threatening tone of voice she could come up with. "Don't take another step or I'll incinerate you from the inside out."

She pointed the sonic even closer for good measure hoping her warning would work and that the untruthfulness of it wouldn't show. However, the man only started laughing. "Wow, that's a good threat," he said with admiration. "But it's a lie. That's only a sonic screwdriver; it's not a weapon."

The man started walking towards her again and she desperately tried to come up with another defense. The lie about the sonic was the best she could come up with and looking around quickly she couldn't come up with anything else. She was especially unnerved that this man knew what the sonic was and she didn't like the glean he had in his eye.

"But I like a woman who has spunk," he added.

Martha backed away from him. "Get out of my ship," she ordered loudly.

Jack looked at her as if seeing her for the first time. His lips curled up in an alluring smile and he extended his hand. "Of course, where are my manners? Captain Jack Harkness. And who might you be?"

For some odd reason Martha found herself reaching out her own hand to take his. "Martha Jones," she said shaking his hand.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Martha Jones."

When Martha realized she was blushing she finally came to her senses. For a moment, she had been taken in by this man's overwhelming charm. But the spell had been broken and now she remembered. "Wait, wait," she said taking back her hand. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm looking for the Doctor. Where is he?" he asked looking around.

"What do you want with the Doctor?" she asked, avoiding Jack's last question.

"I just wanted to see him. I used to travel with him. I assume you are his new 'companion' as he likes say?"

Martha studied Jack for a moment. It seemed as if he knew what he was talking about but she was still wary. "I suppose you could say that," she said evasively.

"So, where is the old devil? I have a few a words I would like to have with him."

Martha knew he was only kidding but the Doctor was in actual danger right now and she felt even more protective of him. "Why are you really here?" she asked.

"Like I said, I just want to see the Doctor."

"But why now?"

Jack seemed to sense the distrust Martha had in him and the caution she was showing towards him. "Because this is the first time I've seen him in a very long time," he answered seriously. "I lost touch with him and couldn't find a way to contact him. I was in town investigating the recent suspicious deaths when I saw the TARDIS. I assume he was probably here doing the same."

Martha was surprised to hear that Jack was right on this account. Despite her suspicion, he was proving to be more and more credible by the moment. "Why were you investigating the deaths?"

"I work for Torchwood. We suspected the deaths were caused by an alien threat and I was trying to find out if that was true."

"You work for Torchwood?" she asked, hope finally starting to spring up in her.

"Yeah. Why?" he asked, this time he was the one on alert as if he almost thought it was a bad thing to admit.

"Then maybe you can help," she said he voice breaking. All of her misgivings and distrust were gone. The weight of her worry now fell on top of her and she was eager for anyone who might be able to help. "Something terrible has happened to the Doctor."

* * *

" _This_ is the Doctor?" Jack asked in surprise.

Martha had explained to Jack what had happened to the Doctor and that she believed the same person who was responsible for the recent deaths on Earth was the same person responsible for the Doctor now being unable to wake. They were now in the Doctor's room looking over him.

"Yeah. Why?" Martha asked. "Wait, I thought you said you knew him."

"I did. I mean I do. It's just that the last time I saw him he looked very different," Jack said staring at the Doctor's face an unusually long time. He seemed so confused by the Doctor's appearance she wondered how long it had been since they'd seen each other and how much the Doctor could have really changed since then. Jack was looking at him like he was a completely different person. But that was something she knew she didn't have the time to get into right now.

It was then that a picture on the Doctor's bedside table caught her attention. It was a picture of the Doctor and a blonde girl Martha had never seen. She picked it up and stared at it. She didn't know for sure but she would guess that the girl in the picture was Rose. She had nothing to recommend that except the look of pure happiness on the Doctor's face. She had never seen an expression like that on his face before. It had to be Rose because this was the picture of two people who were undeniably in love.

Jack looked at the picture over her shoulder. "Rose," he said with a smile but it was sad.

"That's her, huh?"

"Yeah, I'm surprised you don't know."

"The Doctor never talks about her."

"Well, that part isn't surprising. He never was one to talk about his feelings. And after what happened to her, I don't blame him for not wanting to talk about it."

"So, you knew her too?"

"Yeah. She was traveling with the Doctor when I met them. I actually met her first and then she introduced me to the Doctor. I tried to steal her away," he said with a small laugh. "But it was obvious even back then when I first met them."

"What was?"

"They were crazy about each other. Of course, they were both incredibly stubborn. Neither one wanted to be the first one to admit it," he said laughing. "It was so funny to watch because everyone could see how obvious it was except the two of them."

Martha looked away feeling a slight pain in her heart. It was easier to deal with her unrequited feelings as time went on but it still hurt.

"You too, huh?" Jack asked giving her a knowing look.

She shrugged reluctantly in conformation. "Don't worry; everyone falls for the Doctor," he reassured. "You're in good company."

"You cared a lot about her too?" Martha asked with sympathy.

Jack smiled but there were tears in his eyes as he remembered the past with pain. "She was one of the best friends I ever had."

Both were quiet for a while and Martha was deep in thought. As much as her feelings were mixed in regards to Rose she realized that she must have been a pretty special person. She seemed to have made quite the impression on everyone who had known her. For the first time, Martha even found herself wishing a little bit that she could have met her and known her.

Jack shook off the memories of the past and the sadness. "Well," he said, clearly trying to compose himself. "We don't have time for a trip down memory lane. We need to find a way to wake up the Doctor. What did he find out before he went to sleep?"

"Not much. Or at least not much that I know of. He was still researching that day when I went to sleep. He might have more information but I couldn't find a way to read it."

"I might be able to figure that out," he said positively. "I did get pretty familiar with this old ship during my stay here."

Martha was relieved to find that Jack was able to convert the Doctor's research into English so they could study it. But they were both dismayed to find that after reading it they weren't any closer to finding answers that would help the Doctor.

"The Doctor named three different species he thought would have the ability of committing a crime of this severity," Jack said reading information off the screen on the console, "but he wasn't able to narrow it down any further than that because none of them had ever proved to be violent like this."

"Yeah, the Doctor did mention that."

"He's obviously the expert but, based on what I know about these species, I agree. None of them have ever used their telepathic skills to rob from others," he said still reading and then he turned suddenly to Martha. "And don't you dare tell him that I said he was the expert. He would never let me hear the end of it," he said with a smile.

Martha smiled. She only hoped that there would be a time when they could talk to the Doctor again. "Alright, so we don't know who it is. That much is clear," she said. "Can we still find a way to save the Doctor without knowing who is doing this?"

"I don't know," Jack said, flipping through some information. "According to the Doctor none of the victims put up any struggle at all. They showed no signs or symptoms. They were fine one day and gone by the next. He writes that it was clear, at least from the most recent victim, that all of the information had been stripped out of the mind. But…why didn't they resist? They should have."

Martha thought for a moment. "Maybe he dulled the pain somehow?"

"He would have had to. Otherwise, it would have been excruciating. But the Doctor didn't find anything suspect in their system. If he had we could have found an antidote for whatever it was so that we could wake him. But he didn't find anything like that."

"So, if it wasn't a chemical or drug or any sort that stopped the pain…maybe it has to do with the sleep? Maybe, he puts them to sleep and they don't struggle because he keeps them unconscious? Maybe he puts them in a trance? Maybe he stops the pain from inside of their mind? And no one else suspects anything because he just lets them appear as though they went to sleep naturally?"

Jack smiled at her, impressed. "I like the way you think, Martha Jones. That certainly seems likely."

"But if he does keep his victims asleep through his own telepathic powers then how could we wake the Doctor. It's not a natural sleep, obviously, and we can't just wake him up by natural means, so then how can we wake him?"

Jack thought for a few minutes. "Ideally, it would help if we could find someone who had telepathic powers. That might be the only means of defeating this person. The Doctor's still inside of his head, so it would be great if we could speak to him in there. I don't suppose you know anyone like that?" he asked but from his tone it was clear that he thought it was unlikely she'd say yes.

"No," Martha said dejectedly. But then she stopped and paused. "Actually…wait."

Suddenly, it was all completely clear to Martha. All of the pieces quickly fell into place and it was obvious to Martha exactly what they needed to do. There _was_ a way to save the Doctor and she felt it might be the only chance they had left.

"What is it?" Jack asked hopefully.

"Rose," she said quietly. "He needs Rose. We have to find her."

Jack looked at her with more confusion than she thought he would about what she had just said. "What do you mean exactly?" he asked.

Martha just couldn't make sense of the look of bewilderment on Jack's face. He looked at her as if she'd said the most impossible thing she could think of. Given everything he must have seen in his life, that was saying a lot. "I mean…Rose could save him. If we could find a way to get through to the parallel universe and find her she might be able to reach him."

Jack looked like he had seen a ghost and, with alarm, Martha realized that there were tears in his eyes. "What do you mean the parallel universe?" he asked his voice suddenly quiet.

It was slowly becoming clear to her what just might be happening here. "The one that Rose is trapped in."

"You mean…you're telling me she's _alive_?"

"Yes. I'm sorry…I thought you knew."

Jack laughed in joy and let a cry out at the same time. "No. I thought she was dead…all this time I thought she had _died_ at Canary Wharf."

Martha's heart went out to him. She knew the pain of that. She had lost a cousin on that day and she knew how painful it had been. Jack had gone through the same thing thinking that Rose had been lost. She was glad that now she could tell him the truth; she was glad she could relieve that pain for him.

"No, she didn't die. The Doctor never really talks about it but she got pulled through to some parallel universe. Somehow, it got closed off and he can't get through. That's really all I know about it."

Jack remained stunned, happy but shocked at this sudden news for a few minutes. "I thought she was dead," he whispered almost to himself. "For years…I've thought I would never see here again."

Jack was clearly still processing this good news but he shook his head knowing their time was limited and he needed to focus on the here and now. "O.K. so," he said clamping his hands together. "Rose is… _alive_ and you think she can help. Why is that? I know that the Doctor would certainly want to see her but what make you think she can help him out of this?"

"Well," Martha started, feeling uncomfortable almost as if she were telling one of the Doctor's secrets. "The Doctor hasn't told me directly…he's never really said anything about it at all. But I get the impression that he and Rose had something… _more_. Almost like maybe they had some sort of telepathic link. I know the Doctor can communicate telepathically and there are just things he will say about Rose that make me think maybe he shared it with her. If he had then maybe there would be some way for her to speak to him in his mind and wake him."

Jack looked at her, clearly taking in and contemplating what she had said. "Does that sound crazy?" she asked after a moment when he hadn't spoken.

"No," he said shaking his head and smiling. "Not when those two are involved. No, Martha Jones, I think you're probably spot-on. You're a genius, in fact."

Martha smiled at the compliment and felt a strong wave of hope fill her for the first time since she'd found the Doctor asleep. "The only problem is, there's no way to reach her," she continued, the challenges they faced clouding some of that hope she felt. "I know that if there were any even remote possibility of it that the Doctor would have done it already. I know he must be looking but he must not have found a way."

A strange look passed over Jack's face. It was quick and then it was gone, replaced by a smile. She didn't press him on it but she wondered about it all the same.

"Well, let's have a look at what he's been able find out about where she is and we'll go from there."

Jack was able to access some of the Doctor's research about what had happened at Canary Wharf, the parallel universe and the Doctor's attempts to get through. Jack satisfied some of his own personal questions about that day but, aside from that, it was as they had expected it; the Doctor hadn't found any way to make it through.

"Isn't there anything at all that could help us?" Martha asked in exasperation after they had been searching with more of their precious and limited time but came up with nothing.

"I don't know," he said brushing his hands through his hair. "Most of this stuff I can't make sense of. All these technical words, even in English it looks like an alien language."

"But there has to be a way!" Martha cried in frustration.

She saw that same strange look pass over Jack's face and this time she asked about it. "What is it?"

"Nothing," he said trying to brush it off.

"No, you know something. What is it?"

"It might not even be helpful," he said uneasily.

"I don't care. We're running out of time and we need to take every opportunity we can. You know a way this might be possible," she stated, now understanding where this strange look was coming from.

"Possibly," he said reluctantly.

"Then what is it?" she asked, getting tired of his uneasy runaround.

"The Doctor would hate it if heard me talking about it but if there was ever a time to use it, it would be now. There are ways to bypass the normal time traveling laws so to speak if you don't mind breaking the rules."

"Breaking the rules how?"

"By using a device like my vortex manipulator," he said raising his wrist and showing her. "'Cheap time travel' as the Doctor used to call it. It's a bit messy at times but it's effective. Even though the Doctor hates it."

"Well, I think he would make an exception this time, don't you think?"

Jack laughed. "I'm not sure about that. He's pretty strict on those rules of his but then again he's not here to get in the way this time."

"So, would that vortex manipulator be able to get us to this parallel universe?"

"Not this one. But I was working to modify one. When I found out Rose died-or I thought she had died-at Canary Wharf I did everything I could to research what happened there. I wanted to talk to the Torchwood in the parallel universe so I could get the whole story. They had used their own time traveling devices to get through to our universe before but what they were using was dangerous to the universes and after the breach had been closed they were useless. So, I tried to find a new way to travel there and one that hopefully would be safer."

"Have you been able to make the modifications?" Martha asked with excitement.

"Yes," he said hesitantly.

"Then what are you waiting for? Let's use it." Martha felt more hope than she'd expected to and so shortly after the Doctor had fallen under attack. All of the pieces were perfectly falling into place and she couldn't understand why Jack didn't seem nearly as excited as she was.

"Martha it isn't as simple as that."

"Why not?"

"I made the device, yes. But I've never used it. It's completely untested."

"Well, there's no time like the present."

"Martha, please," Jack said seriously. "This device isn't safe. Normally, I'm just using it to traveling through time and space within the same universe. But this would be traveling to a parallel universe, one that is on the opposite side of a breach the Doctor himself sealed up. I actually have no idea whether it will work or not."

Martha calmed herself a bit in light of this new information. She could see that Jack believed this trip would have real risks. She saw that and acknowledged it. But she also knew that they had to try any opportunity that came to them. "So, we try it and it may or may not work. We have to take that chance and find out."

"It's more than that. The worst thing that could happen is not that it would just be unsuccessful. There are a myriad of things that might go wrong with it. It might get us completely lost. It might get us there but not be able to get us back to this universe. I don't know what the side effects of using it are. It may even prove to be fatal."

Martha took a heavy breath. That certainly added some weight to this matter and made her look at it differently. But it did not change her resolve that they had to try it.

"Jack," she said quietly. "You know we have to try this. We can't let him down. Not _him_."

She watched as Jack smiled, a knowing smile. She could see he felt just the same as she did about the Doctor. She doubted there could be a person who had traveled with the Doctor who wouldn't lay their life down for him. He saved everyone all of the time and when the time came for you to do something for him you found yourself jumping to do it without a thought of hesitation.

"You're right," he said with a smile. "We need that crazy ol' Doctor. But I want you to understand that this is a less than ideal way of getting to the parallel universe. Even if it works exactly as it should it's still not safe, to the person using it or the universes we will be passing through. People aren't supposed to be traveling through the universes. We really only have one shot at this."

"That's fine. We only need one shot."

Jack smiled, looking a little more like his joking self that she'd first met. "Can you just imagine the fit he's going to throw when he wakes up and finds out what we did?" he asked.

Martha laughed. "Oh, it's going to be a good one that's for sure," she agreed. "But I'll take the brunt of it."

"Why is that?"

Martha felt the smile on her face falter a little and nerves in her stomach before she spoke. "Because I'm the one who's going to go to the parallel universe. And you're going to stay here."


	5. Chapter 5

Rose had never felt so useless in her whole life.

This morning she was sitting alone in the massive dining room of the Tyler mansion. She stared down at her plate mostly just picking at her food instead of eating since she had no appetite. Her head pounded but for once it didn't feel like much; it was nothing in comparison to the ache in her heart.

Something was wrong with the Doctor. She was sure of it now. Yet, there was absolutely nothing she could do about it. There was no way she could get to him; she couldn't reach him. She couldn't help him or comfort him through whatever trouble he was facing. Her mind and body were both detached from him leaving her unable to even know what was happening to him. She could only sense that the Doctor was in trouble. Without any more knowledge than that her mind was left to imagine all kinds of terrible dangers he could be facing.

Last night she'd had the worst nightmare she'd ever had. In fact, to call it a nightmare was to underestimate how bad the experience had been. She knew that it hadn't just been a nightmare; this had been something else. She'd experienced dreams that weren't dreams and she had enough experience to know this had not been just a dream. She'd almost felt him in it somehow. Though she could remember no concrete events of what she'd witnessed she knew that somehow he had been there. She'd felt fear and pain and suffering and somehow knew it was his. It had been awful.

She'd spent all the hours since then trying to make sense of it all. She couldn't be sure if he had been reaching out to her through the dream or if she had glimpsed some future event. She'd had both those experiences previously but this experience had been different than both of those had been. There was something dazed and hazy about the 'dream' and there was nothing lasting about it except the things that she had felt from it.

She felt tears in the corners of her eyes as she stared down at her plate. She knew she was not operating under the best conditions for problem solving. She was exhausted and it was making her even more emotional than she normally would have been. After she'd woken up she'd been too afraid to go back to sleep so she had been up most of the night.

She was both glad and upset she didn't have work today. The part of her that was relieved she didn't have work knew she really would be of no use at her job today. She was only running on a couple of hours of sleep and even that had been unrestful. Her mind was foggy and her emotions were more than a little compromised. But the part of her that was disappointed she didn't have work was longing for a distraction. She wanted to go to work and be busy; she wanted to feel useful. She didn't know how she was going to get through this day with nothing but time to be alone with her thoughts. She felt more helpless today than she ever had since arriving in this universe and work was usually the remedy for such feelings.

"Good morning, sweetheart," Jackie greeted quietly next to her.

Rose had been so consumed in her own thoughts that she hadn't heard her mum enter the room. She jumped slightly and with dismay she realized her emotions must be clear on her face. She smiled quickly to cover them up; even she knew it was unconvincing but she didn't have the energy for anything else. "Morning," she replied.

Rose placed her fork down as her mum sat down beside her. Rose stared in front of her, not looking at her mum's face. She felt like a talk was coming and she knew she was not strong enough to cover up how she really felt like she was usually able to. Her mind was already reaching; it had been ever since she'd awoke. It was already a steady and firm movement and she knew it would grow at the slightest thoughts of the Doctor or as she let her feelings of distress grow, both of which were certain to happen if her mum felt like talking about what had happened last night.

"Not hungry?" her mum asked casually.

"No, not really," Rose said, trying to sound calm in return. But she could hear how hollow and lifeless her own voice sounded.

"Rose," Jackie started cautiously. "I'm worried about you, honey."

Her voice was kind and delicate and Rose was so exhausted and worried she longed to reach out for her mum. She wanted to seek her comfort like she used to and tell her everything that was really going on. But what would her mum think of her if she really knew what was happening? What if she couldn't handle the truth? What if she rejected her? Rose knew she just couldn't handle that right now. The fear of this possibility was strong enough that she held herself back even though she wanted to cave.

"You don't have any reason to be worried about me," Rose said as strongly as she could manage.

"I think I do," Jackie said calmly.

"Well, you don't," Rose insisted still looking down at the table. She wasn't going to ask her mum why she felt that way. She knew the answer she would get and that it would lead to more discussion so she tried her best to end the conversation before it really began.

"Look at me," Jackie gently commanded.

Rose didn't and she soon felt her mum reach out a hand to her face and turn it towards her. Rose reluctantly looked at her mum, knowing that there were still tears in the corners of her eyes and that her face did not confirm the story her lips were telling. Usually, she was better at masking what she really felt inside but this time she knew it was all very clear on her face.

Sympathy and the worry of a mother covered Jackie's face. "Rose…why won't you tell me what's going on?"

"Nothing's going on," Rose said but she was already starting to cry which made her words especially unconvincing.

Tears started to fill Jackie's own eyes and she was not harsh about Rose's continued stubbornness as Rose had expected her to be. "There _is_ something going on," she insisted. "I know that you've been going through something for a long time now. Can't you still talk to me about things?" Jackie asked her voice pleading.

Rose titled her eyes down away from her mum's. "I don't know," she said honestly.

"You know you can. We've been through some good times and some bad times. I know things have been… _strained_ between us since we came to live here. But I still care about you as much as I always have."

Rose was crying quietly but in earnest now. "Thank you, Mum," she said.

"What's going on then?" Jackie implored.

Rose didn't know where to begin. Even if she wanted to tell her mum what was going on she didn't know where to start. Fear still nagged at her, making her worry about what her mum would think about her if she told her the truth. How would her mum feel when she heard about the way her mind had been altered forever? But, at the time, Rose also wanted to share her worry with someone else. She knew something was wrong with the Doctor and she wished so much that she could tell someone about it. It left her feeling so conflicted she wasn't sure what she was supposed to do.

"Mum…I…it's all just kind of crazy," she started.

"Well, darling, I think I have somewhat of an open mind. I might not have seen as many things as you have but I've seen some pretty bizarre stuff."

"I know," Rose said quietly but still she hesitated.

"What happened last night?" Jackie asked, when Rose didn't continue her own train of thought.

"I had a nightmare," Rose said quickly, reverting to her default answer.

"What happened last night was not like the nightmares you've been having."

Rose should have known that her mum's suspicions would be raised after what had happened last night. Her mum and Pete had learned to sleep through her nightmares over time and she'd been able to wake from them on her own. But last night she had been screaming so much they'd both woken. Then when they had tried to wake Rose up they hadn't been able to. Her mum had told her it had taken them a very long time to rouse her from sleep. After it was over she'd been so upset she'd even let her mum hold her for a while before she could pull away and say she was alright in a convincing tone.

Rose couldn't deny it so she only nodded her head. She chose her next words very carefully. "It felt like…something was wrong with the Doctor."

"What do you mean?" Jackie asked.

Rose took a deep breath. "It felt like he was in danger."

"Sweetheart, it was only a dream. I'm sure the Doctor is fine," Jackie said trying to reassure her.

Rose shook her head. "I'm not sure. It felt like there was more to it than that. I think something is wrong."

Jackie paused for a while before she spoke again. She was hesitant now to say what it was she was thinking and she was choosing her own words carefully.

"Rose, I'm really worried about you. I wonder if it…might not be time that you sought out some help."

Rose looked at her mum suspiciously. "What do you mean?"

"I just think it might help if you talked to someone about what you're going through. Someone who understands grief and would be able to help you through it."

"Wait," Rose said, realization dawning in her. "What are you saying, Mum?"

"There's no shame in it," Jackie said quickly. "After your father died I went to counseling for a time. I did. And it really helped."

"You want me…to go to _counseling_?"

"I understand your connection to the Doctor, I do. But I think at this point it is becoming unhealthy and destructive to you. And I just think talking to someone might help."

Rose let out a humorless laugh. She couldn't believe it. She just couldn't believe that _this_ is where the conversation was going to go. "At this point?" she asked in disbelief. "You mean because it's been _so_ long since we were separated?" There was sarcasm and cynicism heavy in her voice she knew but she didn't care about it this time. Her mum couldn't even begin to understand the connection she had with the Doctor.

"I know what happened to you and the Doctor was sudden and traumatic," Jackie said with sympathy, clearly detecting Rose's growing agitation. "But it has been eight months."

"Silly me," Rose mumbled quietly to herself.

"What is that?" Jackie asked.

Anger boiled to the surface and Rose decided for once to give into it. She looked up at her mum. "I should have known I couldn't talk to you about this."

"And what exactly it _that_ supposed to mean?"

Disappointment and hurt feelings fed the longing in Rose's mind, making the reaching stronger, causing her mind to pound and pulse all the more. She tried the hardest that she could to repress it, something she never did, and it made her dizzy. "It means you just want me to move on. Everyone just wants me to be happy and forget the Doctor."

"Rose, I don't want you to forget the Doctor. I really, really don't. I know you can't do that and I wouldn't want you to. But I _do_ want you to be happy again. It breaks my heart to see you so sad all the time."

"I'm sorry it upsets you, Mum. But that's how I feel."

"I know. But maybe, after a while, things can get better."

"Mum, I can't move on. I _can't_ ," she said with emphasis.

"Sweetheart, I know it feels that way," Jackie said gently. "You loved the Doctor. I'm not saying it will be easy; it never is when you love someone. But that doesn't mean that things can't be good again."

Rose closed her eyes and dug her fingers into hair, clutching at her head in frustration. She couldn't talk about this. Her head was aching so and it was starting to burn. She was getting upset and it was making it all worse. "You don't understand," she said raking her fingers back and forth hard against her scalp until her skin burned.

She felt her mum reach out and put a hand on her arm. She knew she must look a sight right now. She was on the verge of losing it. This was the closest she had come to doing so in front of somebody. She always saved such outbursts for when she was alone.

"Then help me understand," Jackie said quietly urging her.

Rose opened her eyes and looked up at her mum quickly, composing herself. "I gotta go," she said suddenly, brushing her hair back as she stood and walked towards the door.

"Sweetheart, please, don't be upset-" Jackie started, calling out after her.

"Sorry," Rose said as she left her mum and made her way out of the house as quickly as she could.

* * *

Martha had quickly prepared for her trip to the parallel universe and was now ready to leave. On her way out of the TARDIS she made a final stop to look in on the Doctor. She found him, still where he had been, thankfully still alive but his condition unchanged. Jack was in the console room and she was glad to have this final moment alone with the Doctor. She walked slowly into his room and came to stand next to him.

She crouched down beside his bed and took a good look at him. It was quite clear that he wasn't well at all. His skin was pale and clammy and his expression was troubled and not one of peace like it would be if he were only sleeping. The Doctor was never sick which made this sight all the more troubling to see. She allowed herself to lean in closer than she ever would normally dare to and whispered in his ear.

"Doctor, you hang on in there. Okay?" she said but she stopped with a catch in her throat before saying the next words. "I'm going to bring Rose back to you. So, you fight and you hold on. For her." She didn't know if he could hear anything but if he could she wanted him to know; if he could hear her words she knew it would make all the difference.

She plastered on a smile even though he couldn't see it. A reflex she supposed it was. But she hoped that the words did reach him. She didn't know what he was facing, trapped inside of his head but she did know he would fight if he knew Rose would be there soon. She wanted to sound positive and hopeful for him in case her words could reach him now. She believed that this had every chance of working and she wanted him to hold on.

This might be the last time she would see him and that made it all the harder to pull herself away from him. She might get trapped in the parallel universe herself and be unable to return here. She may return but find he hadn't made it that long. She may even get killed in the process of traveling. The device she would be using was untested and could be potentially harmful to her.

Even if this ended with the best possible outcome she felt herself feeling selfishly sad. Even if everything worked out perfectly, even if she got to the parallel universe, found Rose, brought her back and she was able to revive the Doctor, things were still never going to be the same for her. Martha knew this end result would be for the best for everyone else and she knew they all wished for it. She did too but she also couldn't help feeling the loss it meant for her. However this turned out, she could almost guarantee that her days of traveling with the Doctor were officially over.

But still she didn't waiver in her resolve. She had to do this. She cared about the Doctor and his life depended on this. There was no way she was going to let foolish attachment on her part get in the way of saving his life. Even knowing how things were likely to play out didn't change the way she felt for him. She cared about him and knew that if their places were reversed he would not hesitate to do the same for her. At one time she had hoped for more between them but even though she knew that would never be she still cherished and valued everything they had experienced together.

She brushed his hair gently with her hand before finally pulling herself away. She walked out of his room and down the hall and though her nerves and apprehension grew so did her determination.

Jack was standing in the console room, reading something off the screen in front of him but he looked up at her when he heard her enter the room.

"Martha, _please_ let me go instead," he said his voice serious and pleading. "Let me go and attempt this and you stay here."

"Jack, we already discussed this," she said coming to stand next to him. "It has to be me."

"But it's my invention. I should be the one to test it out. If something goes wrong I can handle it. I don't want you getting hurt."

"Not this time. If the person who is attacking the Doctor comes to find the Doctor you are much more qualified to fight them than I am. You know more about the Doctor and this ship and you need to stay here with him. He can't be left alone. If something happens to him you know more about what could help him than I do. And out of the two us you're the more valuable one."

"Don't say that," Jack said firmly.

"I don't mean anything by it," she said honestly. "It's just the truth. You're needed more here. You can't afford to get trapped there."

"But you don't have to go," he said.

"Jack...this is best for _him._ This is the arrangement that is best for him," she said steadily. Putting the Doctor and his interests first was something neither one of them could argue with. Both of them knew they would do anything for him.

"We could try and figure out another way," he finally offered in a weak tone. He already knew the matter was decided.

She smiled at him. "You haven't known me long but I'm sure you know that staying home and playing it safe just it isn't going to work with me."

He smiled but she could still clearly see the worry in his eyes. "I just…I can't guarantee your safety. So many things could go wrong. If something bad happens I would rather it be me that finds out about it. "

"I know. And I know the risks. I'm still willing to do this," she said unwavering and steadfast.

He looked at her with admiration and pride and smiled at her. "Why are you doing this?" he asked honestly, genuinely wanting an answer. "You haven't known him long. Why would you risk everything to do this for him?"

Martha smiled remembering. "You know, the Doctor is the only reason I'm even alive right now. The first time I met him he saved my life. I'd have died, suffocated on the moon without him…that's a long story," she said laughing slightly and shaking her head. "He saved my life. And since then, he's showed me the past and the future and worlds I could have never dreamed of. In the short time I have known him, I have lived so much.

"I know I don't have a debt to repay. I know he would never see it that way and he would gladly do it all again without expecting anything in return. But you only need to know the Doctor for an instant before you fully understand how special he is. I haven't known him long but I do know that. And I know that the universe needs him. He's saved so many lives and everybody needs him and for once he needs me and I'm not going to let him down."

"You are a good woman, Martha Jones," Jack said with respect. "I hope the Doctor knows how lucky he is to have you."

She hoped he did too. Deep down she knew he appreciated her even if he didn't always show it. And she really hoped that what happened next wouldn't prove that gratitude had been misplaced.

There was no further reason to pause, so Jack stepped closer to Martha the vortex manipulator in his hand. Martha reached out her hand so he could strap it on. "So, remember, Rose is a Tyler," Jack said. "According to the Doctor's information, her father is Pete Tyler, owner of Viatex and is pretty wealthy. The Doctor wrote that they were semi-famous so you shouldn't have any trouble tracking her down."

Martha nodded her head in agreement as Jack finished and she lowered her arm. "Hopefully, this device is accurate and gets you pretty close to her location. I programmed it for the part of London the Doctor said she lived in. This is not the most convenient form of time travel and it's likely to be a bumpy ride. So, prepare yourself for a bit of…pain."

"Alright," Martha said a bit shaky, feeling very anxious as she realized this was all very close to becoming a reality.

"You alright?" Jack asked as he noticed the change in Martha's demeanor.

"Yeah. I'm just ready to get this over with."

He nodded his head in understanding. "O.K. Just push that button there and you're all ready to go."

"Take good care of him while I'm gone," she said.

"I sure will," he promised sincerely.

"Well," she said taking a deep breath. "Here goes nothing," she said and she quickly pushed the button before she could lose her nerve.

Pain was all she knew for a while. There was so much of it that it took her a while to come to and realize she'd stopped moving. The pain was so crushing that she didn't even know she was sprawled out on the hard ground and there were the sounds of people around her till she had been laying there for several minutes.

Finally, she opened her eyes enough to realize she was on a sidewalk somewhere. The light was like knives in her eyes and she had to close them for a moment before she could open them again and take a better look around. She was at least aware of two things at this moment. She realized the vortex manipulator had worked at least in some part; she had traveled from her place on the TARDIS to another. The second thing she realized was she had survived. Though she was in pain, she was alive and she laughed a little in relief.

She quickly worked to pick herself off of the ground though no one around her seemed to be troubling themselves to stop and check on the girl collapsed on the pavement. That was really all for the better though. No one had noticed (or cared to notice) her materialization here and that was a good thing. She wrapped her arms around herself as her head spun and waves of pain moved through her upon standing.

After a few minutes, she was able to focus enough of her attention off of herself and on to the world around her. It looked like London, or at least as far as she could tell it was. The accent of the people around her seemed to confirm that even though she wasn't familiar with her immediate surroundings. And when she looked up at the sky she knew she knew was no longer in her own universe. Several zeppelins flew above.

Jack's vortex manipulator had worked. She had made it.

* * *

Rose looked out the window of the coffee shop, finally giving up on the book she had open but hadn't read a word of. She pushed it back to rest near her coffee cup since she knew she wasn't going to get anywhere with it. Though she wanted a distraction she knew her mind was just too preoccupied to focus on one.

She came here to escape her mum as she usually did. This is where she came when she wasn't working and couldn't bear being home, which was becoming a more frequent occurrence these days. She didn't expect others to understand what it was she was going through but having to pretend she was fine all the time was slowly driving her crazy. Having others judge her for what she was going through would drive her to insanity in no time.

As Rose looked outside at the people walking and cars driving by she felt tears try to form in her eyes. She had really hoped that she would be able to talk to her mum. She knew her mum meant well and she was only trying to help but Rose couldn't deny that it had hurt. She knew the things she said were crazy and hard to believe but for once she really wanted her mum to just go along with it. Right now, when she felt so strongly in her gut that something was wrong with the Doctor, she really _needed_ her mum to hear her out. She had needed her support through this situation, not encouragements to leave the Doctor behind.

She felt a pang of regret. Maybe she shouldn't have left like she had. Her mum had tried to suggest she needed to move on but after that she had asked Rose to explain it to her. She had been willing to listen. Now that Rose was removed from the situation and had better control of herself she could see that. She wondered now why she hadn't taken the opportunity; she'd thought she'd wanted it. But she knew she was afraid. She was afraid to talk about it because she didn't know what kind of effect it would have on her. She was afraid her mum couldn't handle it. She was afraid _she_ couldn't handle it either. She might fall apart.

The aching in her head had subsided somewhat since her augment with her mum but the loneliness still lingered in full. It was deep and set in and occupied her mind; it was the kind she couldn't distract herself from even a little. She had calmed her mind as much as she could but it still tried to reach out and find out what was wrong with the Doctor. She rubbed her head with her hand, an old habit by now.

"Excuse me," Rose heard a voice call out to her and she turned to look at who was addressing her. Rose didn't recognize the dark skinned girl in front of her. She looked young, close to her age, but Rose couldn't think of any times she'd met her before. She looked smart and well put together but the overly excited look on her face gave Rose room for pause.

"Can I help you?" Rose asked neutrally, not wanting to be entirely rude but also not wanting to encourage too much conversation either.

"Are you Rose Tyler?" she asked with a smile.

"Yes," Rose answered cautiously.

"Wow," the girl said shaking her. "I can't believe it's you."

"I'm sorry but do I know you?" Rose asked becoming increasingly uncomfortable.

"No, you don't. But I know you," Martha said with a sound of awe in her voice still talking like she had found something of incredible value.

Rose squirmed in her seat. "And how is that?" she asking firmly, ready for an explanation for what was going on.

"I'm sorry. I must sound like an insane person. I didn't even tell you my name. I'm Martha Jones. We have a mutual friend."

Rose almost laughed. That couldn't be true. She didn't have any friends, not in this universe. She had Mickey, of course, but she didn't have any friends that she'd made here. She spent as much time as she could working and when she wasn't working she wasn't out making friends. She wasn't interested in having a social life or putting roots down in this world because she wasn't planning on staying.

"I don't think so," Rose said dismissively.

"Well, I suppose that's true. I said 'friend' but I suppose he's a great deal more than that to you," Martha said, still with a smile on her face but also a slight tinge of pain in her voice when she said it.

Rose froze as her mind started to consider what her heart didn't want to hope for, least it not be true. She felt adrenaline and excitement course through her body anyway, already daring to believe that what she was thinking might actually be true. She thought she understood what Martha was saying but she also wondered if she was only hearing what she wanted to hear.

"Who is that?" she finally asked feeling her heart beat hard in her chest.

Martha paused, as if she took great pleasure in delivering the next two words. "The Doctor," she said with a kind smile.

Rose's mind leapt at name. This time it didn't hurt; it was excited. It jumped with enthusiasm and energy at hearing this name. For a few seconds, it felt as if it left her body entirely, leaving her physically in shock. All the air left her lungs and she felt herself grip the side of the table.

When she spoke again she was not as composed as she would hope to be, especially in front of a stranger, but she couldn't help it. "Is…is he here?" she asked, feeling like she was gasping for breath. It sounded so desperate. But she _was_ so desperate.

"No," Martha said delivering the crushing blow. "But," she added quickly. "I just came from your universe, his universe, and we can get back."

"I don't understand," Rose said shaking her head in disbelief. "How can this be? I thought it was impossible." _Home_. She couldn't believe she could actually return.

"I'll explain all of that later but right now we don't have a lot of time. The Doctor is dying…and you're the only one who can save him."


	6. Chapter 6

Rose drove in a daze. She knew she was on complete autopilot as she made her way back to the Tyler mansion because her thoughts were completely focused elsewhere. She was in shock, her mind so busy with thoughts and yet so devoid of them at the same time.

She couldn't believe what was really happening to her. She couldn't believe that someone had found a way through from her home world to this parallel world. The Doctor had said both their realities would collapse if that was attempted and yet sitting right beside her was someone who had done it. She had always hoped it would be possible but a big part of her had feared it never would.

She had a million questions about how this was all possible. She'd always been working towards this goal and she wanted to know how Martha had achieved it but first she concentrated on something much more important: The Doctor. Martha was here because the Doctor was in danger. She had come to find Rose because she said the Doctor was _dying_ and she thought Rose was the only one who could help. As wonderful as Rose thought this moment of salvation would be it was bittersweet knowing the harm that had fallen on the Doctor.

"So…" she started, her own voice sounding so strange at the moment. "What happened to the Doctor? You said he was…dying."

Martha took a deep breath, heavily recalling the events that had led her there. "We were back on Earth for a couple of days so I could visit my family. While we were there the Doctor, inevitably, identified an alien threat. Some of the smartest people on Earth were dying and without explanation. They would go to bed one night fine and by the morning they would be dead and no one could determine the cause. But the Doctor figured out that it was an alien with telepathic abilities who was killing them. He figured out that this person was draining the thoughts and information from these people's minds until there was nothing left and they were dead."

Rose felt cold and nauseous at the thought. She couldn't imagine a person so sinister that they would be capable of such a thing. She couldn't believe a person existed who could go into someone else's mind and take everything there, until that person was dead. Everything she'd ever known from telepathic touch had been for good, for bringing people close in a relationship. A person would have to be truly evil to forcefully go into a person's mind where they were most vulnerable and take things without permission.

"Does that sound unbelievable?" Martha asked watching Rose's face for a reaction.

Rose shook her head and composed herself and her thoughts. "No. No, it doesn't." She felt a lump in her throat as she formed a question she knew she had to ask. "And…I suppose that this person got a hold of the Doctor?"

Martha's face was full of sympathy as she reluctantly answered. "Yes."

Tears flooded Rose's eyes. Somebody was attacking the Doctor and in the worse possible way. They were in his mind where only she should be allowed. They were hurting him, stealing his thoughts, taking with no intention of stopping until they'd stolen everything he was.

"How is he?" she asked her voice cracking.

"He was unconscious but still alive when I left. I tried to wake him but he wouldn't wake up. But he's doing much better than the others," Martha added with a bit of hope. "All of the other victims were gone by morning. But the Doctor has held on for much longer than that. I'm not sure if it's just that he has many more years of memories than a human to steal or if it's just that he's better equipped to fight this person off. But whatever the reason he _is_ holding on, Rose."

Rose knew that Martha meant to encourage her and she did feel better. Of course, the Doctor wouldn't go down without a fight. He would do everything in his power to overcome this enemy but she wondered why Martha had even thought to seek her out. "Why did you think that I would be able to help?" she asked curiously.

Martha looked a little uncomfortable before she spoke. "The Doctor never said but I always got the impression that the two of you…" she said trailing off embarrassed. "He never told me that you could but I felt like maybe you could speak to him telepathically."

Rose paused. She'd never told anyone about what her and the Doctor shared. Most people wouldn't understand it and though she knew that Martha had an open enough mind to handle it she still had to force herself to speak of it. "I can," she finally confirmed.

Rose watched as emotion passed over Martha's face. She looked as if she might begin tearing up herself. "Then maybe you really can save him," she said hopefully.

Rose had to pause for a few moments before speaking so she wouldn't cry. "I will certainly do everything in my power to try."

She didn't know what or rather who they were dealing with but she _would_ help the Doctor fight it. If he was truly locked inside of himself she really was the only one who could reach him. Their bond had always been so special to the both of them and now it might even have the power to save the Doctor's life.

"I told Jack if anyone could help it would be you," Martha said with a smile.

Rose whipped her head around. "Jack?" she asked with surprise.

"Yeah. A man named Captain Jack came by the TARDIS looking for the Doctor. He was the one who gave me this vortex manipulator so I could travel here. He said he was an old friend of yours."

"He is," Rose said. "I just thought he was in a different time." The last thing she'd known the Doctor had said Jack had been left at the game station to help restructure Earth. She'd thought he'd remain in the future and that she would never see him again.

But those were questions for another time as were all the questions she still had about how travel between the two universes was possible. They would have to wait till later when she had more time. Right now, all that mattered was getting back to the Doctor as soon as possible. His time was limited and she was the only one who had a hope of reaching him.

Rose pulled up in front of the Tyler estate and turned to get out of the car. Martha didn't make any move and looked uncomfortably at Rose.

"I'm just going to stay here. While you...you know," Martha said a little nervously.

"Right. Right…of course," Rose replied dully, feeling numb and in shock as it hit her. Of course; she knew what she had to do now. She had to go in there and say goodbye to her mum, quite possibly for the last time. She felt foolish that it was just now occurring to her that she would have to do this.

She had always been so intent on leaving this world. She had never once made it her home and she always knew it would be temporary. From the second she arrived in this universe, her goal had always been to get back home and to the Doctor and she spent every second hoping with all that was in her that she would reach it. There was nothing about this world she would miss. She had always been an oddity here, a person who was never supposed to exist in this reality. She did not hesitate for a second to turn and leave this place behind.

The one and only thing that gave her any pause was the family she would be leaving behind. She had always known that they wouldn't be coming with her when she left but it had never really sunk in before. It had always felt so far off and she supposed part of her thought she would never actually get to leave. She never would have dreamed that it would come to her so suddenly like it had now. She had known it would happen but now that it was a reality it made her sick to her stomach to think of it.

Rose knew without a doubt that she was doing the right thing. This world was not her home. She had to return to the Doctor now more than ever; his life hung in the balance and he needed her. And there was nothing more that she wanted. Her and the Doctor were meant for each other; they always had to be together. But being completely certain of what she was doing did not erase the grief she already felt. She had underestimated how hard it was going to be to leave her mum.

Rose still stared in shock at the door of what had been her home for the past eight months. Martha fidgeted nervously watching her, since Rose hadn't moved an inch. "Unless you would like for me to come with you?" she offered uneasily.

Martha's words jolted Rose out of her thoughts and moved her into action. "No. No, it's fine. I'll…be back as soon as I can."

She got out of the car and walked to the door. She stared at it for a few seconds taking a few deep breaths and composing herself before she opened it and walked in for the very last time.

The house was quiet except for the sound of the telly playing in the living room. She walked in slowly, nerves gathering in her stomach with every step. She found her mum stretched out on the couch her feet propped up and her hands resting on her stomach.

Rose lingered in the doorway for a few precious seconds watching her mum, dread rising inside of her. She wasn't ready for this. She knew that every moment counted with the Doctor in danger and she had to get back as quickly as possible. But she didn't know how she was going to do this. She hadn't prepared for this and it seemed cruel to have to part so quickly from the person who was, after the Doctor, the most important person to her. She felt nauseous and tears were already threatening to overcome her.

She slowly walked into the room and her footfalls made enough sound that Jackie heard her approaching and turned around. "Rose," she said in surprise, quickly reaching for the remote and turning off the TV.

"Hi, Mum," she said with a forced smile as she came to sit beside her mum on the couch. Jackie pushed herself up in a sitting position next to her and Rose took her hands in her own, her eyes already flooded.

"Rose, I'm so sorry about what happened earlier," Jackie said sincerely.

She thought Rose was still upset about their argument earlier. That seemed like such a long time ago to Rose that she could barely remember what she'd been angry about. It certainly wasn't important now. Her whole life had changed since then. Her mum had no idea what had happened or what was coming.

"I'm not upset about that," Rose said running her thumbs affectionately over her mum's hands as she stared down at them.

"You're crying sweetheart; you _are_ still upset."

"It's not that. It's something else," she said, making herself smile as she looked up at her mum. "I have some good news."

"It doesn't look like good news."

"It is," Rose insisted. "Is Pete here?"

"Yeah. He's here," Jackie said her brow knitting in concern.

"Can you call for him please?" Rose asked her own voice breaking and she raised a hand to cover her mouth.

"Pete, dear!" Jackie called out. "Can you come into the living room please?" She turned back to Rose. "Honey, what is going on?" she asked quietly squeezing Rose's hands in her own.

Rose didn't even fight the tears now. She didn't have the time or energy to spend to overcome them and she let them run down her face. "I don't know how to tell you this, Mum."

Jackie looked worried at Rose and scared about what might have happened. But in a moment she paused, realization covering her face. "He's here, isn't he? He got back," Jackie said.

"No," Rose said, glancing at Pete for a second as he entered the room and came to stand next to her and Jackie. "He's still in the other universe. A friend of his came through and she said I should be able to get through and back to him. He's dying," she cried, her heart crushing at the sentence. "He's dying and I'm the only one who might be able to save him. And I'm sorry but he's running out of time fast and I have to go now."

Rose covered her mouth as she started to sob. It was all so much to bear. She was getting the thing she'd most desired, that she had worked for almost constantly since she'd arrived in this universe. Against all the odds she was returning to the Doctor. It should be all happiness but it was marred by sadness. The Doctor was in grave danger; he _was_ dying. Someone was attacking him at this very moment. She might not arrive in time to help him. She might arrive in time but still not be able to do anything to save him. There were so many variables to consider, so many things that could go horribly wrong. She wondered: was she returning home just in time to watch the Doctor die?

Jackie stared at Rose, shock and surprise on her face and tears already in her eyes. Even Pete was clearly surprised by this news. Neither one knew what to say for a moment; Rose's announcement was so unexpected. Jackie opened her mouth to speak but her face was twisted in pain. Rose knew that this was not the outcome that she had hoped for. She was torn as a mother between wanting the best for Rose and her happiness and wanting her daughter to always be with her. "That's who that girl was," Jackie commented quietly. "She came here earlier looking for you when you had gone to the coffee shop. She said she was a friend..."

"I'm sorry," Rose said again. "I'm sorry I have to leave. I'm sorry that it's so unexpected like this. I'm just so sorry."

Finally, seeing the sorrow in Rose, Jackie snapped out of her shock and found her voice. "Rose, sweetheart," she said affectionately, tears threatening to fall from her own eyes. "You don't have to be sorry."

"But I don't want to leave you."

"I know," Jackie said, reaching out a hand and placing it on Rose's face. "And I really don't want you to go. But this isn't a surprise to me."

"It isn't?"

"No," she said shaking her head and making herself smile even though a few tears made their way out of her eyes at the same time. "I knew this day would come. Ever since we've arrived here I knew you wanted to go back. I know you want to be with the Doctor."

Rose was so surprised at her mum's answer. "But...you're alright with this?" she asked.

"Well, I wouldn't say I'm alright with it. Rose… I love you; I don't want you to leave. But I've prepared myself all along, knowing it would probably happen someday."

"Mum," Rose started out nervously. She had to say the words she dreaded the most, fearing what they would do her mum. "I might _never_ be able to see you again. It's really only by a fluke that I'm able to return now. I probably won't ever be able to come back."

Jackie smiled, sadly, a few more tears falling from her eyes. She brushed Rose's cheek with her hand. "I know darling," she said quietly. "And I'm going to miss you every day."

"Mum," Rose said shaking her head. "How can you accept this?" Rose couldn't believe her mum was taking this news so well. She knew her mum was upset but she was being incredibly strong. She was handling this parting better than Rose was at the moment.

"Rose, you have been miserable here. I know you've tried to hide it but I know you've been sad every moment you've been here."

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to be."

"It's alright. You belong back home. I know you need to be with the Doctor. I don't claim to understand that man or the kind of life that the two of you lead but I do understand love. I know you love him. I want you to be happy and I know you won't be until you can get back to him. So, even though it's hard for me, knowing you'll be happy again makes it possible for me to let you go."

Rose realized then how much her mum had changed. In the past, Rose had always been the more emotionally stable of the two and she always proved to be the more selfless one. But now it was her mum who was. Jackie was getting nothing from this deal; Rose was going back to the Doctor and gaining so much but Jackie was losing her only daughter and gaining nothing. Her mum had grown and changed so much since they had arrived in this world. Pete was really good for her and she was happy. Rose had been blind to all of that, so consumed in her own grief. She knew now that her mum was going to be alright. She loved Pete and Tony was almost here; she was so glad her mum wasn't going to be alone. Rose may have hated this world but it had given her mum something she'd not had in their old universe. Here her mum had a new family, one that didn't leave her to go traveling in the stars. Her mum would be happier here than she would have been back home and that gave Rose the courage she needed to follow through with this.

Jackie pulled her hand back away from Rose's face and it gave Rose a thought. "Mum...can I try something?" she asked shyly.

She had never told her mum anything about the telepathy she was capable of or the bond she'd formed with the Doctor. Now she slightly regretted her choice not to share that with her mum. She wished she had time to explain it all but she was out of time. She couldn't explain it but maybe there was something of her mum she could take with her and maybe there was something of herself she could leave behind.

"Of course, sweetheart," Jackie said.

Rose reached out a hand towards her mum's head. She hesitated for a moment, nervous about what she was considering. She'd never tried anything telepathic with someone other than the Doctor and even with him she hadn't attempted this. Her mum looked back at her confused but she kept silent and was patient. Rose touched her hand against the side of her mum's head and closed her eyes.

Rose made sure that there was a strong barrier around her mind. She didn't want to touch her mum's mind with her own; the last thing she needed to do was form any sort of bond with her mum right before she left this universe. She knew she couldn't accidentally bond with her mum and she knew that she could even touch her without making that irreversible connection. But she would not take even the slightest chance of that happening and the barrier was to insure it didn't.

But it was difficult. Her mind was so starved for this kind of touch and after the Doctor her mum was the person she loved most. Her mind wanted this. She felt her mind strain against the barrier she had put up and she was glad she'd taken strong precautions. It so desired to reach out and touch another's mind and right there under her hand was her mum's. Her mind wanted to be touched, to be held, and she was almost too overwhelmed with the need to be able to proceed.

She could feel her mind respond to the love that was flowing from her mum towards her. It was so potent and her mind soaked it up. She'd never felt someone else other than the Doctor this strongly and she hadn't even known if it would be possible. But this had been effortless. This was what the bonding was for. It was meant to connect people and make them close. It was to fully give yourself to another person. Her mind had been changed and now she could seek people out in that way.

It would be so easy to touch her mum's mind. It was so open, so unaware of the touch it could have and so oblivious of all of the things that she was putting off. Her mum had no idea the things she was capable of or the things she could receive. She didn't know of everything she was projecting that drew Rose to her. It was so strange to see it this way, as an outsider in a way. Rose was human but her mind no longer looked like one. It was strange to look at a human mind and see it the way the Doctor must have seen hers when they had first started. Her mind must have been such a temptation to him then; a human mind was so open and unprotected. She could see now how emotional it was and how it drew you in. And though it was inexperienced it was able to accomplish quite a lot after some training.

Rose now could fully understand the struggle that the Doctor had been going through before he had ever bonded with her. She now knew why he had waited to so long to reach out to her and she had so much more sympathy for the struggle he'd faced prior to their bonding. She could be kinder now remembering some of his actions in the weeks leading up to their bonding than she had been before. At the time, she hadn't understood but now she knew how painful and difficult it must have been for him to hold himself back when he really desired to connect with her.

While the bond was amazing and it had so many benefits, it was a serious thing with very real responsibilities. It was never to be taken lightly and was only to be attempted with someone who you planned on spending the rest of your life with. The Doctor had always needed that mental connection with others but it was only now that she could fully understand why he'd tried to keep himself from doing that with her. It was such a big responsibility and she could understand why he had felt it was heavy burden to place on someone else, especially when you were considering placing it on someone who had never known that need before. Her heart was pricked with sympathy for him as she finally fully felt the weight he must have carried and of the guilt he felt when he though of passing it on to her. She longed all the more to be with him.

As much as Rose wanted to reach out to her mum, even just once, she would not. It hadn't been until this moment she even realized that she wanted to. She'd never known she'd wanted this but it made sense to her now. After all, the Doctor had explained that his people had bonded with those they were closest to, not just romantic partners. Of course, parents would bond with their children. She'd just never really thought about the other forms of bonding there could be. But Rose knew it was something she couldn't possibly do to her mum, or to herself for that matter, when she knew that they were going to be separated

She focused back on the task at hand. The barrier held and she moved about skimming over her mum's mind. She wanted to hear her mum's song but she wasn't sure if this would work or not. She had never been able to hear anyone's song before but she had never really attempted it either. She hadn't been able to hear the Doctor's the first time they had touched and he'd had to play it for her from his memory. But she was much stronger now than she had been that first time. Already, she had done numerous things that she had once thought she would be unable to do. She wanted her mum's song and she hoped she was capable of hearing it for herself now that her mind had grown stronger. She wanted to take it and keep it special inside of her when they were separated by a universe.

Rose let her mind hover over her mum's just barely going inside her head. Even without touching her mum's mind, her mum's emotions were hitting hard up against her. Her mum was upset so her emotions were especially strong at this moment. And because Rose was focusing so hard on her she could feel them. Rose was grateful now for the barrier that kept her from feeling them entirely, unhindered. She could feel them but they couldn't get in and really affect her. She knew how strong that could be and it would make the decision to leave even harder. Her mum was being so strong on outside for her but it would be hard if she could fully feel how sad she was on the inside. She felt her mum's love for her, she felt her pain at losing her. She felt her sadness and her loss. It was strong but it would probably be unbearable if her own mind was open and able to receive it all completely.

Rose focused deeply inside of her mind. She concentrated as hard as she could on listening and making herself aware of what was going on around her. She didn't know how long this would take. New abilities often took practice and sometimes several attempts before she could succeed. She knew she might not be able to do it because she could only spare a few minutes attempting this and it might take much longer than that. She knew that she wouldn't be able to force this into happening but she pushed everything she could into her reaching and searching. She gave it all her energy and determination and desire in the hopes that it would happen quickly.

Finally, she heard it. The notes were quiet and she barely just caught it at first. But as she realized it was there and she concentrated on it, it became louder and clearer to her. Tears filled her eyes as the notes filled her mind. Everything her mum was, her heart and her mind, made a song that Rose now heard. It was just as Rose always imagined it would be. It was spunky and full attitude but there was a gentle undercurrent to it as well; there a vulnerable and soft part among the liveliness. It was fun and full of energy and it was kind. It was perfect; it fit her mum completely.

The love, the protection and security that Rose had always felt from her mum, she now felt from this song. It was everything her mum was, wrapped in a new form for Rose to keep in her mind. She cherished each and every note; she looked at them and studied them. She memorized it all, solidifying it deep in her memory where it would stay forever. She would always remember it and play it to think of her mum by.

As she listened, a lifetime of memories flooded into her mind. It all happened so quickly, as if her mind made it that way because Rose was pressed for time. Even though they passed by quickly she was still able allow herself to relive them all slowly in her mind; time seemed to match her pace giving her this moment. Her life flashed before her eyes showing her all of the memories she'd had with her mum. There were so many and they went back so far that Rose saw things she didn't even know she remembered. She saw her mum holding her as a baby. She was crying and her mum was rocking her to soothe her from her tears. There was no way Rose should be able to recall that. She was so young she wouldn't be able to remember it. And yet, looking at it now, somehow she _did_ remember it. She remembered the way her mum had made her feel, how she had felt safe and loved and comforted.

She saw herself growing up, alongside of her mum. Some of the memories she'd remembered; some of them had been forgotten but she got them back now. They weren't all good ones; some of them were bad. As she got older and things had gotten more complicated there were more of the difficult ones. These hard memories were a part of their story too and so Rose did not shy away from them. There were so many heated rows. She remembered thinking at times that she hated her mum. Only now could she see how much that wasn't true. Together all these past events made up the relationship she shared with her mum. There were ups and there were downs but there were more good ones than bad ones. Though the story hadn't always been a happy one it did have a good ending and she loved her mum without a doubt.

Finally, Rose pulled back from her mum and opened her eyes to look at her. She missed the song and memories already but she smiled because she knew that she would be taking them along with her.

Her mum looked back at her surprised. She seemed at a loss for words. Though Rose hadn't done anything to her she seemed to understand that _something_ important had happened. She seemed to know now that Rose was capable of something, far more than she'd known. Maybe her mum had seen far more of the changes in Rose all along than she had given her credit for.

"I love you _so_ much," Jackie said, leaning in and hugging Rose.

Rose hugged her mum back tightly. "I love you too."

Rose evoked all of the feelings she had for her mum and brought them to the surface. She called them out and made them as strong as she could and then pressed them against her mum so she would feel them powerfully. She wanted to give her mum this, to leave her with this part of herself. As she hugged her mum she let all of her love go to her.

She knew her mum felt it because her arms noticeably tightened around her and she held her even closer in affection before she pulled back and let Rose go. Rose was glad that she could give her mum a proper a goodbye. It was the least she could do and though it felt as if it weren't enough, she knew that it was something significant.

Rose pulled back and glanced at her mum's large belly. She reached out a hand realizing she had another goodbye to make. It was actually both a goodbye and a hello all in one. She placed a hand on her mother's stomach and focused on the life within. She could feel the warm, sleepy, new consciousness of her baby brother inside. It was a tiny light but so pure, perfect, unharmed and untouched in any way. It was life brand new. He felt safe from his place inside of her mum and felt the love and protection from those around him.

Even more tears flowed out of her eyes as she could feel him, her one and only sibling, but knew she would never meet him. She pressed a hand to her mouth as a small cry escaped her mouth. She didn't have any doubt, not one ounce of it, that she was doing the right thing. She knew she belonged with the Doctor and she knew she was to return to her own universe. But she had not expected it to feel this hard to leave this world in order to get there. Somehow, in her grief of losing the most important person in her life, she had somehow missed seeing all she'd had here.

She swallowed back her tears and smiled. "Hi, little one. I'm not going to be able to meet you. I have to go away...but I love you. And I want you to take care of your mum and dad. Sorry, to leave you here on your own; I know they can be quite a handful," she said with a small laugh and she looked up at her mum's face when she felt her do the same. There were tears running down her face now too. Rose glanced back down. "Anyway...you'll be fine. They love you so much and they've got each other now. You will all be fantastic," she said with a smile.

She hugged her mum again, one last time. As she pulled away she felt a hand on her shoulder and turned to find Pete next to her. She felt bad because she'd nearly forgotten he was there and had yet to say a word directly to him. She faced him and was surprised to see that he appeared to be greatly affected by what was going on. Though he had been a quiet observer until this point there was obvious emotion displayed on his face. She gave him a smile and waited for him to speak. She had never really known how to talk to him and she certainly had no idea what to say to him now.

"Rose...ahh," he said glancing down before looking back up at her, struggling to know what to say. "I never cared much about having kids. I just never...really thought I wanted my own."

Rose realized she was holding her breath only when he spoke his next words and she let it out. "Thank you for showing me how wrong I was. You showed me everything I was missing. I know I didn't do a good job of showing you...but I wanted you to know that. And I want you to know that it's been a privilege being your dad."

Rose felt herself breaking into another fresh set of tears. She had never really felt close to Pete. She'd wanted them to have a relationship but the whole time she'd been here it felt like he didn't want it. It was a surprise to her now to realize how much she had come to mean to him. When Pete reached out and took her in his arms she knew everything had turned out alright between them. "I love you, Dad," she said finally.

"I love you too, Rose. Now," he said pulling back and looking at her. "You go and save that Doctor of yours. There are two universes that need him and when we get that dimension cannon working I expect to find him waiting on the other side to give me a hard time about it."

Rose laughed as she reached up and brushed the tears off her cheeks. "Alright," she said taking a deep breath. She looked at her mum and dad one last time. "Bye."

She turned for the door. With her goodbyes now said and behind her she had nothing to left to cause her to hesitate. She had a universe and a Doctor to return to and she couldn't get there fast enough.


	7. Chapter 7

Rose and Martha roughly reentered their own universe. Martha had warned Rose of the dangers of using the vortex manipulator, all of which Rose had been more than willing to take upon herself. Martha had also warned Rose that the passage was a painful one. As Rose picked herself off of the ground where she had landed she found Martha had been completely right about that. Rose also realized that Martha must be one strong woman to have said it was just 'painful' and not call it what it really was: excruciating.

It took Martha a little longer to rise. She found the passage got worse which each time and not better. Jack hadn't been exaggerating when he'd told her this device was not safe. She could only imagine what kind of effect using it was having on her body. She wrapped an arm around her middle as she struggled to get up and she was glad for the hand Rose reached out to help her rise.

They had not ended up exactly where they meant to. Accuracy was also not a strong feature of Jack's invention. But they weren't that far from the TARDIS and both Rose and Martha were glad they didn't have long to walk. Martha led the way, trying to speed up as she attempted to shake off the painful effects of the reentry and Rose followed eagerly behind. Her excitement and anticipation dulled all the pain she felt and she was practically bursting to get back to the Doctor. She was finally back in her proper universe again but it wouldn't seem real to her until she had seen him again.

When she finally saw the TARDIS for the first time it was almost surreal to her. They had already been walking at a brisk pace to get back as soon as they could but once it was in her sight Rose couldn't help but start running towards it. It was a sight she had longed to see for so long and she couldn't believe that it was real and right in front of her. It embodied so many things to her and it housed the Doctor. She couldn't get there fast enough and she soon outran Martha and practically jumped through the doors in her eager haste.

The console room was a sight for sore eyes. The glow of the room was warm and inviting and if she wasn't mistaken the rotor even seemed to hum out a greeting for her. It felt the same; just right and just like home. The air around her and the smell of it was all familiar. But there wasn't any time to stop and pause to take all of this in. She had to get to the Doctor as soon as she could. They still didn't know how he was faring; there was no guarantee he was still holding on.

But Rose had only taken a few steps inside of the TARDIS when she was stopped dead in her tracks. She felt it; she felt _him._ She had desired for so long to feel his presence and here he was again. She could feel the essence of who he was, the very touch of his life brushing up against her again. It was like water on the desert that had become her neglected mind and she smiled feeling it again. This was something she'd feared she'd never know again. She knew without a doubt now they had made it in time and he was still alive.

At the feel of his presence so close to her after such a long absence her mind did something it had never done before. She closed her eyes and reached out to grab the nearest handrail, steadying herself as her mind lept from her. She gasped out in surprise as it reached out across the distance. For the very first time, she touched his mind without the need for physical contact. She had never been able to do that and had always found herself straining when she attempted it. But this time she hadn't even been trying. The long time apart must have been enough to overcome her limitations in this area. Everything within her had wanted to reach out to him and now that she was this close to him, nothing stood in her way. Her mind now connected with his effortlessly.

 _Doctor,_ she called excitedly, marveling that she was able to speak to him already and in this new way. But he didn't respond nor did he stir at her touch. At first it felt like he was just asleep because she could feel the weight of fatigue upon him. But after a few more seconds she realized that this was more than just sleep. She knew what it was to feel his sleeping mind but this was something else. She could feel now how unnatural it felt. This wasn't just sleep upon his mind; his mind felt dull and completely devoid of thought. He was trapped and though he couldn't feel it yet he was in pain. He was weak and struggling but he was still holding on.

"Rose, what's wrong?" Martha asked. Rose felt Martha's hands on her shoulders as she crouched down to where Rose had crumpled.

"Nothing," Rose said, breathing quickly to catch her breath after the surprise of it all. She forced her eyes open. "Nothing is wrong. The Doctor is alive."

"Really? How do you know?"

"I can feel him," Rose said. Before Martha could ask Rose what she meant she was getting to her feet and walking again. Martha followed Rose and they both quickly made their way to the Doctor's bedroom.

When Rose reached his room she stopped in the doorway. She paused and let herself take a moment to stare at him and fully appreciate the sight of him again. It was one of those rare moments when she felt like time was actually slowing down around her. The moment felt so significant, this first glimpse of him after so long, it felt like time itself stopped to allow her to savor it. She took full advantage of it, glad she could linger in this moment without wasting precious seconds. She felt as this event placed itself with importance on _their_ timeline. Again, for the first time since they'd parted, she felt their life paths intertwining again and becoming one. They had been apart for a time but that time was over now and she could _see_ it.

The Doctor was there; he was actually right in front of her. Soon, he would even be close enough to touch. Her Doctor, the one who belonged to her, who she was bonded to, was finally with her again. How many times had she wished for this exactly, wished for him to be right in front of her? She felt as eight months of longing pooled together in her heart; all the heartache and missing she'd felt for him since he'd been gone seemed to come back to her all at once as one last reminder of how much the distance had hurt.

Not only could she see him but she could sense his presence once again. This wasn't just the ghosts of his mental touch that she'd felt when she'd dwelt on memories of their time together; this was actually real. She couldn't believe that she could even touch his mind from here. With several feet between them she could actually reach out and touch him from where she was standing.

But even though this moment was a happy one, it was far from being perfect. She had dreamed of their being reunited in dozens of different ways but none of them had been like this. Never once had she imagined him sick, in pain, his very life in danger when they met again. He almost looked like he was just sleeping there in his bed dressed in a t-shirt and flannel pants. He almost looked peaceful. But the pale color of his skin and the sweat glistening on his forehead told her that he wasn't just sleeping and he was not at all well. If she focused she could even feel the dull reminder of pain in her head that she knew came from his unconscious mind.

All of this happened so quickly on the outside that the others hadn't even realized she'd stopped to pause. Time had not halted for them and she was moving again before they noticed anything had happened.

Jack was sitting in a chair next to the Doctor's bed, some books and notebooks all around him. It was clear that he had been studying, surely searching for something that might help the Doctor. But at this moment he was looking at the Doctor with worry. It looked like he probably hadn't found anything useful and it was clear that he was exhausted and hadn't slept in a while.

When he heard Rose and Martha approaching, he turned. He appeared startled like he had been so caught up in thought he hadn't heard them coming until they were beside him. Despite the grim situation, his face lit up when he saw Rose. He was glad to see her again and, in light of this troubling circumstance, she knew that it must have been a relief. "Hey, kid. Long time no see," he said smiling wide and standing up from his chair.

She walked over to him and gave him a tight hug which he gladly returned. She'd had so many things to think about ever since Martha showed up to bring her back she hadn't had a whole lot of time to dwell on thoughts of her friend, a friend she had been convinced she would never see again. She was looking forward to having some time later to think about it and let herself feel the joy she wanted to feel about it. "Right back at you," she said as she pulled back and looked at him. "I have a few questions for you."

He gave her a tired smile. "I have a few for you too. And your Doctor has a lot of explaining to do when he wakes up."

Rose sat on the bed beside the Doctor and she vaguely heard Jack greeting Martha and congratulating her on success. Rose reached out a hand to his face, finding it hot and clammy under her touch. Despite all the sadness, having him so close again she ached with desire for him to a degree she hadn't known it was possible. She wasn't sure how she had the strength to keep herself from gathering him tight in her arms when she was so intoxicated by the very presence of him. After a moment, she felt Jack and Martha come closer and focus their attention on the Doctor as well.

"Have you learned anything else while I've been gone?" Martha asked Jack and Rose turned her attention to him to hear the answer as well.

"No, I'm afraid not. Before the Doctor fell asleep he had narrowed suspects down to three species," he explained for Rose. "Based on the evidence he gathered there were only three known species he felt would have been capable of doing this. But that doesn't really help us. While those species would have been telepathically able to manage this, none of them have ever been known to attack people in this way. Studying each species hasn't helped because we're likely dealing with someone who has gone rouge and is acting out of their cultural norms. That could be true for any of them."

"Have you heard of anything like this?" Martha asked, this question directed to Rose.

"No, I haven't. I mean, I'm new to this but I didn't know a person could be so violent in this way."

She turned her attention back to the Doctor. As she sat next to his sleeping form she could feel his fear and his pain brushing against the very edges of her mind. Her anger grew when she thought about this unknown alien thief. They had just torn into the Doctor's mind, ripping and tearing and stealing. They didn't care if they destroyed him as long as they got what they wanted.

"He's in pain," she said quietly as she looked at him, not talking to anyone particular as tears filled her eyes. "He can't feel it right now...but they've just torn him up."

"So, it is true?" Jack asked. "You can communicate with him telepathically?"

It felt strange to admit it again, for the second time in one day, when before she had never admitted that to anyone. But these were their good friends and they had done so much for her and the Doctor. She knew that their secret was safe with these two.

"Yes, I can," she said, pride almost in her voice. She found she liked being able to acknowledge it.

Jack smiled knowingly. "I knew you two were going to have something amazing between you."

Rose smiled. Indeed they did.

"If there is anyone who can reach him now then it's you," Jack added a little more seriously now.

This was the very reason she was here and she eagerly set out to complete her task. She reached out both her hands to the Doctor's head but Jack spoke again, stopping her. "Rose, I should warn you. We don't know what we're dealing with here or how to fight it. When you try to communicate with him you might get pulled in yourself."

"It doesn't matter," she said quickly. "I have to do this."

He smiled at her. It was the look of both his pride and affection. "I know you do."

Rose reached out and placed her hands on either side of the Doctor's head and her fingers tingled with the excitement of being there again. She spread her fingers wide so that she could touch as much of his head as she could. She paused for a second only because it felt strange to try this while others were watching. It was such a private thing between her and the Doctor and it was always done when they were alone. But she knew it was best that Martha and Jack were there, in case something went wrong. She also knew she couldn't very well ask them to leave after all they had done for her and the Doctor.

She pushed her embarrassment away and focused her complete attention on connecting with him. The Doctor needed her now more than ever. She closed her eyes and leaned her head down to his, using as much contact as she could to help her make the connection strong. She focused all her attention on reaching for his mind and though his light was faint she could see it and she soaked it up.

 _"Doctor,"_ she called again inside of his mind. _"It's me, Rose. Can you hear me?"_ She waited for his voice or for his mind to respond in any way. He hadn't stirred when she had called before but she had hoped that the added physical touch would help. But his mind still didn't move. It was empty and still against hers.

She concentrated even more, pouring her energy and everything she could into speaking. _"Doctor, I'm really here right now. Please, wake up,"_ she nearly shouted the words. She was certainly speaking louder than she normally would but unfortunately the added volume didn't seem to make any impact.

Frustration brought tears to her eyes. She was trying her best but it wasn't making a difference. She could reach the Doctor in a way that no one else could but she feared it still wouldn't be enough. She leaned down her mouth close to his ear and whispered words that he had never been able to ignore. "Doctor, I need you," she cried as she pressed her fear and love and pain against him.

It was so unnatural to feel him this way. The Doctor never stopped. He was always moving, always full of energy. Inside his head she had always found him to be even busier than he was on the outside. He was constantly full of ideas. It was disturbing to feel his mind void of activity. It was meant to be there for her when she needed him not completely unresponsive to hers.

She pulled back and opened her eyes to look at him. She tried hard to think of what she could do, of any way she could go deeper.

"What's going on, Rose?" Martha asked quietly.

"I tried to talk to him but he's not responding," she explained. "I can't even seem to get in."

Rose reviewed their shared history in her mind. She tried to think of anything she could do to reach out to him but almost everything they'd had between them had been a joint effort; it had required them both to participate. She'd never thought to try anything without his input and even though she was doing it to save him, she still felt strange even thinking about it. It wasn't meant to ever be that way. Still, she tried her hardest to think of anything either one of them had done without the other's input. But their bonding had always been the two of them together participating and she was left feeling lost attempting anything on just her own.

But then it came to her. There had been one time that he had reached out to her without her knowledge or her help. That time was now completely relevant to their present situation and she knew exactly what she had to do. She couldn't call him out, so she would have to go in.

"I have to go into the dream," she said turning towards Jack and Martha.

"You can do that?" Martha asked.

"I can try," Rose said honestly. "There was this one time while me and the Doctor were apart that he came to me in a dream. Somehow, we were actually able to talk to each other while we were both sleeping. I don't know exactly how he did it but I think it's the only way I will be able to reach him."

"But the Doctor isn't really asleep," Jack reminded her. "He appears asleep and he's been put into a dreamlike state but he's actually trapped in there."

"I know," she said gravely. "I know this isn't the same thing but it might work. He's not coming to me right now, so I have to try and go to him."

"Please," Jack said, "just be careful."

"I will," she promised.

She shifted on the bed and lay down beside the Doctor. She was scared. She knew this was a risky move and that there was every chance that she might get pulled into that same dark place where the Doctor was imprisoned. She may not be able to reach him and might only be signing up for death as well. But she knew she had to face that fear. The Doctor was already there, captive, and she had to bring him back to her.

"Good luck," Martha said kindly just as Rose was about to close her eyes.

Rose smiled over at her. "Thank you."

She took a deep breath and took the Doctor's hand in her own. She scooted until her side was touching him and closed her eyes. She took deep breaths and tried to calm her body and mind and will herself towards sleep. At first it seemed like it would be difficult; she was so geared up and anxious she was sure she couldn't fall asleep.

But after a few moments of lying next to the Doctor and drawing on her connection to him she felt his drowsiness creeping over her. It may have been an artificial sleep the Doctor found himself in but it was having a lulling effect on her. She could feel the fatigue coming but she reminded herself strongly of what she knew. She needed to remember this was a dream and she was asleep so she could manipulate it as the Doctor had said he'd done when he'd visited her at Christmas. But most of all she needed to remember it wasn't real so she wouldn't get drawn in and taken over by whatever enemy already had the Doctor.

Rose felt herself being pulled into sleep, reminding herself of these things whole way. She could only hope she'd awake to find herself in the same place as the Doctor.

 **A/N: Dear patient readers, the reunion you've been waiting for is just around the corner! And I promise that the Doctor and Rose will be thoroughly making up for all the time they've been separated from each other's minds ;)**


	8. Chapter 8

Rose was back in the console room. The Doctor was bouncing around like his normal happy self, hitting controls right and left and babbling on a million miles an hour. She smiled to see it all. She was always happy to be here with him. She loved to hear him going on about some planet she'd never heard of and see how excited he was to take her there.

It was all so normal but there was some quality about it that made Rose feel something wasn't quite right. At first, she wasn't sure what made her stop and ponder what may be wrong; after all, this was where they should be. They were always meant to be here and she didn't understand the strong sense of longing she felt deep down inside of herself. She felt almost sad with how much she wanted to be here almost as if she hadn't had this in ages. It was strange to feel such feelings but when it all clicked into place and she understood the meaning behind her feelings.

This was a dream. She'd forgotten at first because the realness of the dream was so disorienting. At the start, it had been impossible for her to separate reality and fact from this fantasy. Now it was all slowly and painfully coming back to her. She found herself struggling with the truth much more than she thought she would. This dream was safe and nice. In this dream, she and the Doctor had never been separated. Here they were together as they should be, traveling in the stars. In reality, they had been separated, torn apart and kept from each other for months. Reality hurt and she was very tempted to leave it behind and live here. It would be so easy to let the truth slip away and fall into this dream. She began to wonder why it even mattered whether this was real or not. What was the real harm in staying here for a while?

But then she remembered the full truth and the importance of her being here. The Doctor was in danger; he was dying. This dream was what was slowly killing him and she was here to save him. She wasn't here to get caught up in this imaginary world; she was here to bring him out of it. And the best thing of all was that she didn't need this dream world. If she could wake the Doctor then they would have this for real. They had been separated for a time but they were together again. Right now she was really with the Doctor, asleep next him. When they woke up they would truly be together again.

She stopped suddenly and spoke up quickly. "Doctor, stop."

"Stop? Stop! We never stop!"

"I need you to wake up."

"Wake up? I'm fully awake," he said cheerfully.

"No, you're not," she said seriously. "This is just a dream. You need to listen to me right now."

"I'm listening," he said but he did not stop rushing about the room.

"Stop and listen me!" she cried. "Your life depends on it."

It was louder than she had ever spoken to him and it made its impression on him even in this dream world. He stopped his excited movements and really looked at her. His expression was grave and there was worry in his eyes like he already knew what was coming.

She walked closer and spoke quietly to him. "Doctor, this isn't real," she said coming to stand right in front of him.

He glanced away quickly but not before she noticed the look of pain on his face. He knew it wasn't real but when he looked back at her she could see that he was going to try and run from the truth. "Of course it is," he said and he reached out and took her hands. She could feel the touch of his hands and she knew that he could feel hers as well. But they both knew that alone didn't prove it was real.

His tone was less than convincing and, though he smiled, it didn't reach his eyes. She could tell that he didn't believe it one bit. It completely broke her heart because he wanted it to be real so badly that he chose to pretend it was even though he knew it was fake. That wasn't something the Doctor did. He sought facts and truth and he always made sure he was right. She hated that she had been away from him for so long. She could easily see the effect their long absence had had on him. For some reason, she had thought she wouldn't be able to see it; she'd just assumed he would conceal it well. But right now he was in a vulnerable state and it was easy to see the toll pain had taken on him. That was much harder to see than she thought it would be.

She squeezed his hands and it felt so good to have them in her own again. But she reminded herself that it still wasn't real. She needed to be firm about that so that they could reach the place where it was real again. "This isn't real," she insisted again. "This is just a dream."

"No, it's not. You're real; you're not just a dream," he said his voice nearing a desperate tone and his hands tightening around her own.

This was harder than Rose thought it would be and tears filled her eyes. The Doctor would have to believe this was a dream or he wouldn't wake up and she hadn't counted on the extra step of having to convince him. She thought once she had gotten into the dream that it would be easy to reason with him. She had expected him to know that he was trapped and jump at an opportunity for escape. Now, she could see that even though he knew it was a dream he still chose to be here instead of waking to the real world. He didn't know the danger he was in. He only knew he would rather stay here with her even if it wasn't real than return to reality where she was gone.

Now she wondered if this was all a part of the plan of the thief who was trying to steal his mind. If it was intentional then it was really a genius plan. What better way was there to keep your victims still and unmoving than to give them their perfect dream? What other way could be more effective in distracting them from the pain they were in than to lull them with images of the things they wanted most?

It made sense now why the Doctor had been kept captive for so long. She didn't know who this enemy was but she would have assumed the Doctor could have fought him off with his own telepathic abilities. While she had never had to fight someone in that way she knew that the Doctor had so he would have some experience in that area. But he hadn't realized what had been happening to him. He'd been dreaming about being with her again and he desired that so much that he hadn't questioned the dream too much. He hadn't looked at the danger behind it.

Rose hated to have to break his hearts in this way but it was the only way to free him. She pulled her hands away and spoke. "This _is_ a dream and you know it," she said speaking firmly. "You've known it the whole time. You've wanted to believe it was real so you did. But deep down you know you're being fooled."

He looked embarrassed at her words. He knew he was being tricked; he knew he'd sacrificed himself to this fantasy. "I'm not really here," she continued. "We're separated. You need to face that and wake up."

"What's the harm?" he asked quietly, still not meeting her eyes.

She felt even the pieces of her broken heart now fracturing into bits. "The greatest harm you can imagine," she said with emphasis. But her voice softened when she spoke again. "It's alright that you wanted it to be real. I would have wanted it to be real too."

There was anguish on his face. "I miss you," he admitted pain in voice.

Rose had to swallow before she could speak, touched by the raw honesty of his words. "I miss you too. But you _have_ to wake up; if you don't you're going to die. If you pay attention I know you can feel it. You feel the pain your mind is in? It's a terrible pain and you can't ignore it."

The Doctor closed his eyes and she could see that he was starting to feel it now that she was bringing it to his attention. "Why? What is this?"

"There's someone else in your head, tearing into your mind and stealing your memories."

She watched him and she could see that he was still deliberating. He knew she spoke the truth but he wasn't sure he wanted to believe it. He was still worried about returning to reality and it was then that she remembered that she had some very good news to tell him; she had something that she was happy to tell to him.

"I promise it will be worth it. If you wake up you'll find me next to you."

"How can that be?" he asked, looking at her but shaking his head, clearly reluctant to believe that and she knew exactly why. She had once been hesitant to believe that he was speaking to her through a dream because it would have made waking all the more difficult if it wasn't true.

"You once came to me in a dream. I'm doing that with you right now. This, right here, might not be real but this conversation is. I came back to you, found you sleeping in your bed. I tried to wake you and when you wouldn't wake I came into your dream. Is all of that so unbelievable?"

He hesitated for a moment but eventually he said "I guess not."

"Then, please," she said reaching out a hand to his cheek. "Wake up for me. _Please_ , come back to me. You trust me right?"

He smiled for the first time at her. "Of course I do."

She smiled back. "Good. Then I will see you soon."

She stared at his smile but before he could speak another word he was gone from her sight.

* * *

Rose bolted up in the bed with a cry of pain. She wasn't sure if she had fallen out of the dream or if she'd been pulled from it. Either way, it hurt and she put a hand to her head as she gasped for breath. It was a relief to be awake and know she'd made it out. She still hadn't been sure if she would be able to go into the dream and escape from it. Going into the Doctor's mind while it had been captive might have only gotten her captured in there too but she was relieved to see that wasn't the case.

Jack and Martha rushed to the bed and hovered over her. "Are you alright?" Jack asked.

But her attention was already turned to the Doctor. She was awake and free from the dream but was he?

She looked down at him reaching out a hand to his face and waited for him to wake up. For a few terrible seconds she worried that it hadn't worked. They had all been planning on this and hoping that it would work but honestly none of them had known if it would or not. All of the other victims had died from this and they had no way of knowing whether the Doctor would or not. No one had wanted to think about it but there was a very real chance that there was no way to save someone once they had been taken in.

Words could not describe the relief that Rose felt fill her entire body as she watched the Doctor's eyes start to flutter. Soon they were blinking and opening. He groaned loudly, his forehead wrinkling in pain and his eyes squinting at they tried to open.

"Doctor!" she cried her face lighting up in happiness and tears flooding her eyes. He was awake and free from the grasp of this terrible enemy who had tried to steal him from her. He was alive and with her once again.

It took a long time for him to be able to open his eyes fully but eventually he made his way there and she saw his eyes fill with recognition at the sight of her. He reached up and took her face in his hands. "Rose?" he whispered in surprise his voice still scratchy from the sleep.

Rose laughed tears now running down her face. "Yes. It's me."

"Is that _really_ you?" he asked urgently, awed disbelief on his face.

She put her hands over his on her face and looked deeply into his eyes, desperate to break through the disbelief and sleep that still hung on him. "Yes, Doctor, it's me. Really me. Not a dream. I made it back."

The Doctor surprised her by reaching for her. Without another word he pulled her face towards his and pressed his lips to hers. It was their first kiss or at least the first kiss where they were both aware of it. He was always so careful around her, holding himself back. But whatever it was that had held him back in the past did not restrain him now. It was forceful and passionate and she didn't hold herself back either. He pulled her closer and she let him until she was almost resting on top of him with his arms wrapped tight around her to hold her close. It was so much different than she imagined kissing him would be. It was so much _better_ than she had even dreamed of. She had always thought he'd be shy and reserved with her and at any other time he might have been that way. But after months of separation and his close brush with death, reservation was the last thing on his mind and she couldn't be happier about that.

Rose gave into eight months of longing and loneliness, letting herself fall and melt into him. In this kiss was every lonely night and every sad moment she had spent without him. It seemed that all the yearning she'd felt in their time of separation pulled together in her stomach and grew into a fire. It had to have all built up in her at this moment because it was so strong now that she was finally with him again. She thought it would all be relieved as she kissed him. She thought his touch now would soothe all of that loneliness from the past.

But it didn't. In fact, it got even more intense. Being with him again seemed to make her even more aware of how much she'd missed him and it seemed to encourage her on all the more. She soon began to wonder if it ever could be satisfied. She'd wanted this so badly but she thought she would never have it again and it was apparent to her that he had missed her just as much as she had missed him. He clung to her, his fingers digging into her back as if he thought she'd disappear if he let her go. Her tears mingled with his where their faces touched and his movements were so frantic it almost hurt but she didn't care about pain because it was all so _real._

She had dreamed of this moment and imagined their reunion in so many ways. She'd never pictured it anything like this but it was perfect. Right now, she couldn't even remember all the ways she had imagined it and she couldn't believe that any other greeting would have been better than this one. She was with him again and nothing outside of that mattered.

Her mind felt ablaze; her whole body was on fire. Her mind started to reach out at a force that exceeded anything that she had felt in their months of separation. Everything inside of her was burning for him now that he was here and she could feel him against her. His mind didn't reach out to touch hers at the moment but just having him near was enough to start satisfying the emptiness she'd felt in her own mind since they had been apart.

Everything inside of her was awakening. She felt things rising insider of her that she hadn't even known had been dormant. She was being reacquainted to things in her mind that she hadn't even realized she'd been missing until this instant. She thought she had been aware of everything even when they weren't together but it was only now that she realized how much inside of her had been numb. There was so much that had been lying dormant inside of her until this moment when they were together again.

The Doctor moaned against her face and it only made her want him more. She was content to remain in this moment where they were both lost in each other but the sound brought her out enough to remind her of the state the Doctor must be in right now. It was hard to remember everything he had just been through; it was hard to remember anything before this moment. But the Doctor had just been through a battle in his mind and she needed to make sure he was alright.

Though it wasn't what she wanted to do she managed to make herself do the thing she needed to and pulled herself back. She only put as much distance between them as she had to in order to ask if he was alright. "Doctor, are you alright?" she whispered, gasping for breath.

"Of course, I'm alright. You're here. How could I be anything but?" he said placing a hand on her cheek.

"But, physically, you know…are you alright?"

"I'm good," he said with a smile, even seeming to forget for the moment all that he had been through. He looked up at her, his eyes taking her in and studying every inch of her face fully. "Oh Rose..." he cried his voice full of affection.

She could bear the distance no longer. Now that she had done the responsible thing she was just about to pick up where they had left off. But she stopped when someone very loudly cleared their throat.

She turned and found Jack and Martha still standing next to them. Jack had been the one to interrupt them but the smile on his face said he hadn't minded the brief show. Rose felt herself blush a little at the realization that they had been watched; for a minute she had completely forgotten there was anyone besides her and the Doctor in existence let alone in that room. Though she felt a little embarrassed at the heat their friends had witnessed she didn't regret it. Part of her even wondered if she cared enough about the embarrassment to keep her from resuming their greeting where they had left off.

"Alright you two, keep things clean. Who do you think you are? Me?" Jack said asked with a smile. He said it in a jesting tone but the smile on his face said that he had nothing but happiness for his two friends. Even Martha, whose expression looked slightly pained, looked happy for them.

The Doctor seemed to have a little more embarrassment over his quick display of passion in front of their two friends than Rose did. He didn't seem as if he regretted it either but he colored a little more over it. He struggled to push himself up into a sitting position and Rose regretfully shifted next to him but did not loosen her grip on him. He seemed a little shaky as he sat up and she watched him with a careful eye. But he got himself sitting and stable and she was glad he wrapped his own arms around her, not willing to let go either.

"Jack?" he half asked half greeted. "To what do I owe this displeasure?"

Everybody seemed pleased at the Doctor's quick jab. The fact that he was already joking around was a good sign. Even Jack, who the comment was directed at, laughed. "Just saving your alien butt as usual," he said.

The Doctor smiled but Rose could see he still felt tired and confused. "I don't understand," he admitted. "What's going on?"

"Doctor," Martha said finally speaking up. "The alien that we were investigating, the thief who was stealing minds, he must have found you when you were investigating because he came after you."

The Doctor looked around, his brow furrowing in confusion. He was desperately trying to piece together events but he just couldn't recall it all. "I don't remember that," he admitted finally.

"Well, I don't think you were aware of it," Martha said. "That night I went to bed and when I got up I found that you had gone to sleep. I imagine you wouldn't have gone to sleep if you had expected anything of the sort. I didn't think anything about it either until you didn't get up. After a while, it was so late that I knew something had to be wrong. I knew you would never sleep that long and when I came to check on you, you wouldn't wake up."

The Doctor sighed. "I do remember being tired that night. I was actually really sleepy but I didn't think it was strange. Stupid," he said shaking his head in frustration at himself. "I should have been cautious. I shouldn't have allowed myself to sleep given the nature of the attacks. How long have I been out?"

"Almost two days," Martha said.

"How did that happen?" he asked in surprise. "All the other victims were dead by morning."

"We think you have your big head to thank for that one," Jack joked. "All the other victims only had decades of memories to steal but you had centuries worth. It was either that or you were just able to fight him off better."

"And how do you factor into this exactly?" the Doctor asked looking at Jack.

"He came just in time," Martha said, smiling for the first time. "I was at a loss for what to do when he showed up. He was investigating the deaths too and saw the TARDIS. Together we found a way to save you."

"That's right, Doctor. I'm your own knight in shining armor, ready to save the day," Jack said with a mischievous smile.

The Doctor groaned and rubbed his head. "You are just loving this, aren't you?"

"As a matter of fact, yes, I am," Jack admitted. "But really, the right thing to do is give credit where it's due. Martha is your real hero. She's the one who traveled to the parallel universe to go and get Rose."

The Doctor turned towards Martha. "Thank you," he said seriously and sincerely.

Martha looked a little embarrassed at the attention. "It was Jack's invention that made it possible. I just did the leg work," she said with a shrug.

"Martha is being too modest," Jack said. "She was the one who figured out that if there was anyone who could reach you it would be Rose. It was her idea to find Rose and bring her back. And she was the one who took the risk with the vortex manipulator."

"So, you've been experimenting with cheap time travel again?" the Doctor asked his tone accusing and slightly disapproving.

"I'll take that as a 'thank you' for returning you two love birds back to each other."

The Doctor looked at Rose and remembered the only thing that really was important. He turned to look at Martha and Jack again and his face was thoughtful and full of emotion. They'd save his life, returned Rose to him and it all hit him at once. "I don't know what to say…"

"You don't have to say anything," Martha said with a kind smile.

"For now," Jack added with a smile. "It won't be long and I'm sure you'll be your normal chatty self and you'll have tons to say."

The Doctor smiled and shook his head. He turned to Rose and hugged her tighter.

"I think it's time we give these two some time alone," Jack said to Martha. Everyone was surprised at his thoughtfulness before he added in his usual fashion, "Otherwise, who knows what they might start doing in front of us."

The Doctor rolled his eyes but both he and Rose were glad to finally have some privacy. Jack and Martha left and the Doctor and Rose were finally alone.

It was quiet between them and she smiled at him and scooted in even closer to him. His arms followed along and tightened around her. "You did it, Rose," he said quietly, affection and admiration in his voice. "You said you would get back to me. You said you would find a way and you did."

"Well, I'm not sure how much credit I can take for it. We have very good friends. They're really the ones who did everything."

"You know you had a part in this. You saved my life. And you never gave up on us. You never stopped believing that this would happen," he said pulling his head to hers.

"No, never," she said closing her eyes and delighting to feel his head press against hers again.

Over the past eight months there had been so many things that Rose had wanted to say to the Doctor. But now that they were alone and she finally had the chance to speak to him none of those words came back to her. He also didn't say anything but it didn't bother either one of them. Just being with each other was more than enough.

Rose settled even closer and rested her head against the Doctor's chest. She could hear the soft beating of his dual hearts, a sound so unique and one that she could only hear here with him. It was all so real and overwhelming that the next thing she knew she was crying. It became uncontrollable and soon turned into sobbing.

"I don't know why I am crying," she said in a defense. She wasn't sad; she couldn't be sad now. She was just overcome.

"I do," he whispered in understanding, his arms tightening around her.

"I'm so happy."

"I know," he said with a smile in his voice. "Me too."

She cried for a while more as he rubbed her back. The emotions that stirred in her chest were so strong she had to let them out and he was calm and quiet with her as she did. But soon his movements became slower and slower and she realized he was falling asleep. She moved her mouth and to his ear and whispered, "Are you falling asleep on me?" she asked with a smile, glad she felt she was done with her tears for now.

"Yeah, I guess I am," he said a smile in his voice but it soon faded. "I'm sorry. I want nothing more than to stay awake…I'm sorry I am just so tired."

She knew he was tired because she could feel it for herself. He had escaped the danger but it had taken its toll on him. He may have had the appearance of being asleep in the past couple of days but he hadn't actually been asleep and now he needed real rest. She knew he wanted to stay awake but his body and mind were both exhausted.

She pulled back and looked at him. "Don't worry," she reassured with a smile. "We have plenty of time now. You sleep all you want."

"You'll stay with me?" he asked.

Usually, she was the one asking him that because she was the one who needed sleep more frequently than he did. "As if you could get rid of me," she said, using the words he so often used to answer her when she asked that question.

He smiled and he pulled the covers back to let her in and she gladly moved in beside him. She was so happy to be next to him, sharing a bed with him again and she wrapped herself tightly around him, his arms coming around to hold her. He pulled the cover back over them and she felt so warm and comfortable in a way she had thought she would never again be able to feel.

She felt the waves of fatigue rolling off of him and weighing her down. She hadn't been tired before but she knew now that she would be asleep soon too. Her mind was so intent on focusing on his that it was completely taking in his drowsy state. But she didn't mind. She would stay awake for as long as she could, focusing on the feel of his comfort right next to her. But she would also fall asleep when the time came without a fight. For the first time in months she no longer feared the sleep and she drifted off with him peacefully.


	9. Chapter 9

Rose awoke feeling more rested and peaceful than she had in months. She hadn't really tried to fall asleep but feeling the Doctor's fatigue upon her she coupled with her previous sleepless night had led her there quickly after him. She was glad now that she hadn't resisted; she felt incredibly good from having rested. She didn't know how long she had been asleep but it didn't even matter because she could feel it had been good sleep. She knew that had everything to do with the warm body that was lying next to her.

She smiled before she even opened her eyes. It wasn't a dream; it was real. For the first time in a long time, waking up didn't make her sad. For the first time in a long time she wasn't waking alone. Even further proof of that were the lips that touched just briefly on her smiling ones.

She was surprised by the greeting kiss, brief but so comfortable it was like it had always been normal for them even though it had never been normal for them. Physical affection had yet to be a very common occurrence in their relationship outside of their bonding and the Doctor still wasn't the expert. But as she opened her eyes and looked at him smiling at her she would have never thought it had ever been a difficult area for him.

She sighed. "Well, you sure are good at that Mr.-I'm-a-Time-Lord-and-we-deny-ourselves-physical-affection" she teased.

"Weeellll I was always a rebel."

She smiled and reached a hand up to his head and ran it through his hair, happily tempting herself. Her fingers tingled with energy and her mind felt a stirring and anticipation she hadn't felt since she'd been parted from him.

But she was upset to feel that his mind did not respond to hers. As much as she felt right now she should feel even more being this close to him again after such a long absence. She should also feel his mind reaching out to hers; it should be reacting just to having her so near again even without the provocation of her fingers in his hair. She was so close to his mind but she felt nothing from it. It was clear that he couldn't feel her mentally. It was alarming and confirmed her fear that there would be lasting damage from what happened to him.

She tried her best not to get worried or jump to any conclusions. She pulled her hand back and smiled at him. "Did you sleep well?" she asked.

"Yes. Very well."

"I can't believe that I slept longer than you."

"Just by a few minutes."

"How do you feel?" she asked, propping her head up with one hand to look at him.

"I feel better, physically. Still much weaker than usual and much weaker than I would like. My mind feel like it's been through the ringer but I'm definitely on the mend."

Worry nagged at Rose over the state of his mind and how immobile it felt against her own. "I just can't believe this has happened to you," she said shaking her head and feeling sad as she really thought about it again. "To think that someone could hurt you in this way…I just can't understand it."

"Mental communication and touch can be very good things. But they can also be very bad things at times, if in the wrong person's power," he said sadly. "I'm sorry to say that it does happen."

She knew it to be true. Even once she'd glimpsed into the Doctor's darkest past and saw it to be true of him. But her experience with it had only been good. It had brought beauty and happiness into her life and it pained her to think that someone could use it for harm. She knew the power of it and knew that it could be intoxicating but she couldn't imagine doing what this person had done.

"I wish I'd been here. I wish I could have done something sooner." She wondered if she had gotten here sooner if she could have prevented him from suffering so much damage.

"You saved me. Rose, I'm alive because of you. You don't need to feel guilty for anything."

"I just can't believe this happened to you," she said again, still not believing that it had happened. "Why would someone want to do this to you?"

"Greed. Selfishness. Whoever this thief is, he's after information and he doesn't care about the life he destroys to get it. He had several victims on this planet alone before he got to me. I was just another source of knowledge to him."

"I'm so glad that I was able to get back and be here."

"Me too," he said quietly and suddenly he felt very unhappy.

"You look sad. Why?" she asked in concern, wondering what could be the cause of his sudden change of attitude.

"Rose," he said gently looking at her seriously. He took her hand in his own and held it.

"What?" she asked feeling worried at his sudden grave tone.

"Your mum," he said simply.

She broke her eyes away from his and looked down. She could feel where this was going. "Yeah?" she asked.

He reached for her chin and pulled her face up to look at his. "Please talk to me."

She remembered what had happened to his mind and realized he probably couldn't feel her emotions as he was usually able to. She instantly felt guilty for trying to hide from him. She needed to say what she was feeling in order for him to know right now. She was just so hesitant to. Thinking about her mum made her sad and she didn't want to be sad right now. This was a happy time and she wanted it to stay happy.

"She's in the parallel universe and I'm here in this one," she said shrugging. She knew she was stating the obvious but she did not know what else to say.

"I know you're upset. It's alright to be."

Tears sprang to Rose's eyes. "Yeah...I'm upset," she admitted. "She's my mum and now I can't see her again."

"Are you sure you made the right decision?" the Doctor asked. There was pain in his eyes and she could feel the sympathy and uncertainty in him. He was hurting to see her sad and guilty to think he'd caused it. She hadn't wanted to talk about this right now because she had known that this would be his reaction. But it was nobody's fault; this was a hard situation and there wasn't any way she could have had everything back the way it had been before.

"Yes," she said with confidence, even though a tear fell down her face. "Without a doubt."

"I'm so sorry you had to leave her."

"I am sad. I love her. And I care very much for her and the others. I will miss them. I _do_ miss them. But this is my universe and this is where I belong. I didn't belong there; I'm meant to be with you always."

There was a time when he would have felt guilty over the connection she now had to him. He would have blamed himself that they were forever joined together. She was so glad that those days seemed to be behind them. He understood now that this was what they both wanted and what was meant to be between them.

"I wish there was something that I could do to fix this for you."

"It will be alright," she said with confidence feeling like it really would. "And Mum is really happy there with Pete. In the past several months that I've been with her I have seen her happier than I ever have in my whole life. Pete makes her happy and Pete lives in the other universe. So, even though I'm really going to miss her, I'm willing to let her go so she can be that happy."

It was hard but she genuinely meant it. She knew there would be ups and there would be downs. She knew there would times she would accept the separation from her mum well and times she wouldn't handle it as well. But overall she knew that it was the best situation for them both; they may be separate but they were both now exactly where they belonged.

The Doctor smiled at her and seemed to take some relief in her words. "Besides," she said. "I wouldn't rule out the possibility that we'll see them all again. Impossible things have happened before."

He genuinely smiled at her this time taking in her full meaning. What they had between them, even this moment, had once been impossible. They'd both believed for a time that it would never happen again. Something told them both that there was a very real possibility that they would see Rose's family again.

The Doctor's face turned serious again and Rose felt the shift in his emotions. This time it was a pleasant one. She felt the passion and longing building inside of him and could see it reflected in his eyes. His thoughts were changing and though she could read not them at this moment she still had a very good idea of what they might be. These were thoughts and feelings meant for her and she ached to know them better.

"I need you, Rose," he said quietly but it was so full of passion. He paused and took the hand he held in his and pressed it against his head. "I need you in here," he whispered looking deep into her eyes.

Rose shivered in anticipation. Her body and mind shook with excitement at his words. It had been _so_ long since she had heard him say those words to her. It was what he said when he needed the touch of her mind, when he needed to spend time in her head. He never held himself back in his requests for this; in other areas of his life he showed incredible restraint but not in this. He had always looked at her clearly and with intention and let his emotions be clear in his voice when he asked for this. It had always been this way ever since they realized they were bonded and now was no different.

She had wanted this for so long and with so much of her. So many times she had longed for this moment exactly and everything it meant. Right now, all those times seemed to pull into the core of her filling her with want. "I need that too," she whispered back.

Nothing made her want to stop; there was nothing more she wanted to do or needed so much than what he was suggesting at this moment. But she couldn't keep herself from being fully aware of his physical state. He still felt so exhausted physically; she could feel he wasn't completely rested and healed from his ordeal. His face still looked tired and still bore traces of what he had been through. "Are you sure you're strong enough for it?" she asked voicing these concerns.

"I will have to be," he said with a smile. "I can't stand to be without it for any longer."

He had struggled so much in the beginning with believing that he could be loved. It had taken him so long to accept that he was worthy of that and that it was alright to want this bond. But those doubts were gone now.

She was relieved by the confidence that she felt in him. As much as she knew they both wanted it, she also knew he was wise enough not to do anything that he was unable to. But he didn't feel that waiting was necessary right now. "No arguments from me," she said with a smile.

He took her hand, still in his and held it between them. He glanced down at them and she could feel things inside of him shifting once more. The desire and anticipation for her were still there but something else was beside it now. "I need you," he said again, this time more heavily. This time it carried with it a double meaning. "I need…you to help me."

She understood. Just as she had not been able to ignore his physical state, she couldn't ignore his mental one either. His mind was still there in front of her, unmoving. It was broken and damaged. Right now, they wouldn't be able to bond their minds like they usually did. His mind had been torn apart and the very life of it drained out. Something would have to be done before they could proceed.

"I can't feel anything," he confessed, a slight waiver in his voice. He still didn't meet her eyes but she could feel it all anyway. It was so difficult for him to say. It was humiliating for him, a Time Lord, to have to say. Telepathic strength and ability were so important to his species and so much a part of who they were. A disability in this area was a cause for shame and he felt it.

She reached her hand to his face. "You don't need to be ashamed of this, Doctor," she reassured. She wished that he wasn't at this moment unreachable or she would send him feelings of peace and acceptance to go along with her words.

"Oh," he said looking up at her, realization and embarrassment on his face. "You can feel that huh?" he asked smiling but it was an awkward one.

It had been so many months since they had been together he must have gotten used to keeping his emotions to himself. She couldn't say anything; she'd gotten very used to hiding hers as well. But that would never apply between the two of them and they would never want it to. "Of course I can," she said smiling. "You don't think I let myself get rusty while you were gone."

"I suppose not. It would be a critical error on my part to forget how incredibly skilled you are in this."

"You don't need to feel embarrassed of this," she whispered, trying again to put him at ease.

He looked down again. Words were still difficult for him as they always had been; it was still his worst way of expressing himself. Information he was great at conveying through words. His feelings through words were quite another story. "But I am," he admitted. "I can't do anything."

She knew it was a great blow to him to have his mind attacked and hindered. She burned with anger again to know that someone could do this to him. "I know," she said, empathizing with the loss he felt. "But it isn't your fault."

She reached her hand to the side of his head and brushed her fingers back and forth there. It was an action that should cause quite a stir in his mind. She felt the effects of it in her own but he felt nothing. There was no response from him in the action and no comfort he could gain from it.

"I can't feel you," he confessed and this was the most difficult of all for him confess. She felt how much he hated to say it; he felt he was letting her down. He felt like a failure.

"I know," she whispered, emotion heavy in her voice as she watched his struggle. "It's alright."

"No, it isn't," he said in frustration, looking at her again. "It's not alright. You're touching my head and I feel _nothing_. That isn't alright. I want to reach out to you. So many times since I lost you I felt it. It's not right that I don't feel it now. Especially now that you're right here..."

He reached out to her face and brushed her cheek with his hand, just staring at her longingly for a few moments. It wasn't right and it wasn't fair. It wasn't supposed to be this way. Someone had tried to steal the Doctor's mind and it belonged to her. She felt her anger grow. He belonged to her and someone had tried to steal him from her and though the Doctor had won the battle, he hadn't come out unscathed.

"It wasn't supposed to be like this," he said, mirroring her own thoughts even though he couldn't read them right now. "The first time I saw you again, I didn't want anything to get in the way of being with you completely. I wanted to give you everything."

This unknown enemy had stolen the reunion they had both pictured. She had also imagined what that first meeting would be like many times and none of them were anything like this. But while this thief had taken a great deal from Rose and the Doctor there was one thing he couldn't take from them.

"Doctor…you have already given me everything."

"How can you say that right now?"

"You're right next me aren't you?" she said, feeling a lump in her throat. "I mean…I can't believe you're here."

She leaned against the Doctor, burying her face against his chest. He soon wrapped his arms around her again and she took in the moment and simply being there with him. There was so much right now to be thankful for. She was in the Doctor's arms again and that was something she had feared many times would never happen again. Just being with him was the most valuable thing she could think of. She knew they both felt the loss of their mental connection but they still shared so much even without it.

He didn't speak for a few minutes, contenting himself with just holding her. Finally, he was the one to break the silence. "But I can't be with you the way I want to be," he whispered, worry plaguing him still. "I can't give you what you need right now."

She pulled back to look at him, her eyes locked on his. "They tore you up in inside." But then she paused and smiled up at him. "But don't worry. I'm going to fix it."

He looked at her, clearly surprised at her words. "Really?" he asked curiously.

"Yes," she said with confidence. This was her and the Doctor; they did not accept defeat. They did not give up. They hadn't lost hope when they'd been separated with little chance of being reunited again. She didn't play the victim and she had no intention of starting now. A thief might have gotten them into this but she was going to get them out of it.

"You really think you can do that?" he asked, a pleased smile spreading out on his face.

"Yes," she answered positively. Though she had never done something like this she found she did not doubt her ability to do it. The Doctor needed her help and so she would have to be strong enough to help him. His mind needed to be healed and she was the only one who could do it.

"And how will you do it?" he asked, clearly pleased at her confidence and eager to see where she was going with this.

"With my mind, of course. With my touch." Rose actually didn't know how she would do it but at the same time she didn't have any doubt that she would succeed. They had been separated from each for so long. They had been yearning for each other, for the touch and joining of their minds and she wasn't about to let this stand in the way. She felt herself more emboldened than perhaps she'd ever felt before.

"And you think that will do the trick?" he asked, feeling no doubt at all, his question only meant to tease her.

"Yes, I do. Looks like the Doctor needs a doctor," she said smiling at him slyly. "And I happened to be very qualified."

"Indeed you are," he said smiling fondly at her. She no longer doubted her abilities. For so long she hadn't been sure of what she could do but now she was certain that she could do this. He knew she never should have doubted herself; he'd always known how amazing she was. But now all of the insecurities and doubts she'd had about herself were gone.

The Doctor pushed the covers back and swung his legs over the side of the bed. Rose watched in concern as he stood up and made his way, rather wobbly, over to his clothes. He glanced back at her and caught her watching him a look of worry on her face. "I'm alright," he assured her.

"Are you sure you don't need some help?" she said with a serious face before it broke and she gave him a tongue in teeth smile.

"I'm sure," he said with a slightly embarrassed smile.

It was strange to see him redden at her question after everything they'd been through. She'd even once had to dress him when he'd been unconscious. But the Doctor had always been very modest and he was embarrassed so she would allow him some privacy. "Alright," she said turning her back to him. "But I'm not going anywhere."

"I didn't ask you to," he said a smile in his voice, teasing her.

After a few minutes she snuck a glance back at him just as he was buttoning up his shirt. He wasn't completely dressed but he was covered enough that she felt like she didn't have to hold herself back any longer. She got up and silently walked over to him. She took the tie out of his hands and reached up, tying it herself. He smiled down at her, as he allowed her to do it for him. She then moved to help him slip into his jacket. She lingered, taking her time as she did the buttons on his jacket and he watched her closely.

She ran the lapels of his jacket between her fingers a few times before letting her hands rest on his chest over his two hearts. "It's real this time," she said quietly with a sad smile. She was remembering the last time they'd been together like this, how it had felt real but they had still been separated.

He leaned his head forward and rested his forehead against hers. Her skin tingled at the point where his touched hers but only lightly. For a moment, she didn't feel the press for more. Right now the moment was perfect; it was enough. She closed her eyes, just focusing on him.

"I'm sorry I can't touch you," the Doctor eventually whispered, having pulled away from her slightly, enough to look at her.

"You will," she said without a doubt in her mind about it. She wasn't in a hurry. Every moment with him was a gift; every one was a second chance she thought she'd never have again. She wanted to savor each and every one for what it was and take every aspect of it in.

That being said, she still thrilled when he pulled back, reaching out and taking her hand in his. He smiled and arched a mischievous eyebrow at her as he led her to the door.

"Where are we going?" she asked.

"You'll see."

"What about Jack and Martha?"

"I don't think it's necessary to involve them in this," he said looking at her with a playful look on his face.

She laughed. "I sure hope not. I just meant, you think they'll be alright while we're gone?"

"They'll be fine. They both needed their rest after the past couple of days and even if they wake up there's more than enough to occupy them here."

"Aren't you worried about leaving Martha with Jack? You know...how he is and all."

"Nah," he said as they finally made it back to the control room. "Martha is a smart girl. She knows how to take care of herself."

The Doctor walked to the control panel and stopped in front of it. Rose looked around the room, taking in more of it now than she was able to earlier. She'd dreamed of this room, of the places it took her, of being by the Doctor's side while she stood in it. She stared at it all, hearing all of the quiet sounds in it, taking in all the little details of it; truly seeing it with new eyes.

The Doctor was watching her as she looked around. When she paused she looked at him and saw his serious expression.

"This moment belongs to us. We give almost all the others away. This piece of time and space is ours."

"I've never heard you say something like that." They had always made time alone to spend together, especially after they were bonded. It wasn't that it hadn't been very important to them. But it had still seemed to take a back seat to everything else; it was always done after the danger had passed. She felt almost guilty to want them to have their time together first especially when the villain was still loose out there but she did. And it was clear that he did too.

"Well, I have had a lot of time to think. I know what's most important now."

"I never doubted that you did."

"I know. It's just good to be reminded sometimes."

He set a course for them and Rose held onto his arm as he did, not wanting to allow even an inch between them. The Doctor didn't seem to mind and made the needed adjustments easily one handed. They were soon drifting through the vortex, just as they were meant to. Even Rose herself had underestimated how much she'd missed it. She hadn't realized just how confined and stir crazy she had felt being tied to the Earth for months until now when she was sailing in the stars again. This felt so right she wasn't sure how she had been able to stand such a long time grounded. She knew she hadn't always handled it with as much grace as she wanted but she had to give herself some credit just for not going mad from it.

Their journey was quite gentle and soon enough they arrived. "Where are we?" she asked enthusiastically. She had missed the high of the excitement and anticipation that came from asking that question. It had felt like so long since she had been able to ask it, since she'd been able to experience the mystery of not knowing what place or time was beyond those doors.

"It's a place I found when you were gone," he said as they walked slowly towards the doors. "It's an abandoned planet. Very peaceful. I would come here from time to time just to take comfort in the solitude."

The Doctor opened the door and before Rose was one of the most beautiful planets she'd ever set eyes on. The TARDIS was parked on a large and open field of grass. To the left of them was a forest of trees all coated in a deep purple color that completed the color scheme of the night sky above them. The sky was a mix of blue and a deep green and saturated with stars. It was incredibly calm and serene and she couldn't hear a single sound around them.

"It's beautiful," she remarked as they walked.

"I thought you would like it. I looked forward to bringing you here."

"It's such a shame that it's abandoned. Someone should get to enjoy it."

"Never fear about that. The inhabitants of this planet fled following an environmental disaster. In time the threat passed and the planet actually thrived in spite of it, producing the scene you see around you and making it even more beautiful than it was before. But in a couple of centuries the descendants of the original inhabitants will return and colonize it all again."

"Good. I'd hate to see a place like this wasted."

"It won't be wasted. But for right now we have it all to ourselves, giving us some much needed privacy," he said with a smile. Rose felt excitement shoot through her and her mind jump at the suggestion.

They walked a few hundred feet before she saw a structure in front of them. It appeared to be a glass building of some sort, maybe an old greenhouse, though it appeared smaller than greenhouses usually were. It was round with a domed roof on top and every surface was made of glass. It also seemed to be their destination as the Doctor lead her inside. It was overgrown with vegetation but not terribly so. There was greenery growing on parts of the walls and there were a few pieces missing glass from the ceiling but it was still beautiful. The glass was also surprisingly clear and provided them a good view of the night sky and scenery around them. Not that she thought they would spend too much time looking at it all.

"It seems you found a very nice secret place," she said with approval.

"It will do then?" he asked.

"Of course." They had a whole planet to themselves and this piece of time set aside for each other; of course it was perfect. "Though you know I would be with you anywhere," she added honestly.

"I know. I just wanted it to be extra special."

"It is."

It really was very special and she wanted to kiss him but she wasn't sure if she should. This was still so new to her. Even before they'd been separated this physical aspect hadn't been a part of their relationship. She wasn't sure how much he would want it to be or how much would be too much for him.

She was still debating to herself when the opportunity passed. The Doctor pulled away and reached for a blanket that he apparently had kept here. He unfolded it and laid it down on the ground. He reached for her hand again and pulled her with him as he sat down.

He reached his hands to the sides of her head and ran his fingers through her hair slowly. She took a deep breath and let out a long sigh. She was glad that she was sitting because her whole body went weak and she had to hold onto to his wrists just to keep herself upright. Delightful sensation ran throughout her entire body and her mind was now completely awake and ready for connection. This was only a greeting of everything that was to come and it was still so good. It was unfathomable to her that the Doctor was unable to feel this way right now and she was even more determined to set things right again.

She pushed him gently back to lie on the blanket. She smiled down at him. "You just relax now; you're in good hands."

She scooted in close to sit beside him. She felt a small tremble run through his body as he looked up at her but his mind was still silent. "I have no doubt of that," he said with a smile but it didn't reach his eyes.

The Doctor felt anxious as he looked up at her. She could feel it distinctly but it was still so strange that she couldn't hear his thoughts to explain why he was feeling that way. She knew that this would be different than when they normally came together. Normally, she would feel his anticipation as she prepared to enter his mind but neither of them knew what to expect exactly.

Maybe she should be more nervous about this too. But she just wasn't; she had to do this for him. She felt her own mind nudging her on, practically pushing her to hurry on with it.

She placed her hands at either side of his head. "You're sure you're ready for this?" she asked one final time.

"Yes," he answered positively. "Just be gentle with me."

"I promise. Please tell me if I hurt you or you need me to stop at any time."

"This is a turn around, huh?"

He was trying to play it off but she could tell that he was embarrassed by his position and this turn of events. She knew that he admired her strength and aptitude. She had always felt how impressed he'd been by her skill in telepathy. She knew his embarrassment didn't necessarily come from her being the stronger one at the moment. She knew that it had everything to do with his weakness and his lack of ability.

"Doctor, you have taught me everything that I know. I wouldn't be able to do any of this if it weren't for you. You are the reason that we even have this…so let me do this for you," she gently encouraged.

He sighed and she felt him relax considerably. "Alright," he said smiling genuinely at her. "But I will warn you; this is probably going to hurt."

"I can handle it if you can."

He smiled and she felt him wrap his arms around her waist. He closed his eyes and waited for her to begin. She closed her own eyes and took a deep breath. She pressed her fingers to each of his temples and through the connection pushed her mind inside of his head with intention.


	10. Chapter 10

**Now on to the fun part! Let the bonding begin :D**

Rose's mind poured easily into the Doctor's head the second she touched him. She felt his mind in front of her, his essence surrounded her but his light was weak. His mind failed to come to her on its own so she he reached out and grabbed it pulling him towards her. But even as she pulled it towards her it seemed to resist her, falling out of her touch as soon as it was there. It did not linger or stay with her as it should. Such a thing had never happened before. Even the very first time they were together, the connection between them had been easy to make. It had always required so little encouragement to happen.

It concerned her to feel it not happen instantly. She had expected this might happen but actually feeling it happen was upsetting. Part of her had hoped it would be easy and that when she reached out his mind would awaken and join her. She massaged his temples with her fingers, to encourage the connection and focused even more to initiate it. She felt her own mind instantly respond and be drawn in with ease. She felt herself going even deeper than before, her mind very willing to do its part. But when she reached out for his the connection she sought still eluded her.

Physically, she could feel the Doctor reacting to her touch but his mind still remained unmoving. She could feel that he enjoyed the touch but it did not have the usual or desired effect like there was a barrier between them, keeping him from experiencing it fully. She felt him will his mind to respond but it would not obey him. After waiting so long for each other, it felt bitterly cruel that even though they were together again that they should still be prevented from having this. Frustration threatened to get the best of her but she pushed it away, knowing that it would not help to solve this problem. She could not have expected the Doctor to come away from his attack entirely unscathed. This was not nearly as bad as many of the things that could have happened to him, that she had feared would happen to him. It was a mere obstacle that they would have to overcome.

She took a deep breath and paused for a moment to collect herself. The Doctor was patient and silent, waiting on her and she was grateful. Even without a connection to her he still knew so much about her and could sense more than anyone else would be able to. She desperately tried to think of what she else she could do. She had never had this problem before and it was something even the Doctor didn't have experience with. She was lost about what to do. But she did know she was not going to accept defeat. They were had come too far to give up now.

Her fingers were still on his temples and she left them there as she leaned down pressing her forehead to his, using as much physical contact as she could to try and force their minds to join. She felt the Doctor reach his own hands up to the back of her head, encouraging her along and pulling her even closer down to him. Her face was completely against his now, her chest pressed against his and she could feel their three hearts beating hard in determination against each other. His fingers wound their way into her hair causing her head to tingle.

She focused on it all, taking in every detail of to make herself aware of the Doctor and his presence with her. There was so much of him around her. She could hear and feel the unique beat of his hearts. His breaths continued to fall against her face and his scent was in every breath she took. She focused on his hands on her and the effect they had on her, encouraging her own mind even more for this. She made herself highly aware of all of it and hoped it would give her mind a new strength and power that it had never had before. It was more than ready but it would have to strong enough now for the both of them. Everything in her wanted this to happen. Her head tingling and her mind was now spinning, building with unreleased energy. She concentrated, pushing all of her strength into it, hoping it would revive his damaged mind.

Finally, a tiny spark seemed to ignite and she felt a pulse of life back in his mind. The connection was finally made between them but there was no time to celebrate it. The second Rose held his mind in her grasp she was blinded by an intense pain like she had never felt before. It was so unexpected and powerful that she found herself in shock. Their connection had never brought pain to them before and though the Doctor had warned her it might happen she still had not expected it to be this bad. After a moment, when she was able to get a grip on what was happening, she was able to see that it was not the connection itself that brought the pain; the pain was coming from the Doctor. His mind was now awake again but it was injured. It was broken and they were not both very aware of how it felt.

"Rose! Are you there?" the Doctor cried out desperately. "Are you alright?"

Rose could hardly hear him over the chaos between them. Everything felt like pain. It was agony. She squeezed her eyes shut and willed herself not to let go of the hold she finally had on his mind though it hurt so bad. "I-I'm f-fine," she managed to sputter out through clenched teeth.

But for a minute, Rose wasn't sure that she really was going to be alright. She was not a lightweight when it came to pain or challenges but this one felt like it might just be insurmountable. She thought she could do anything that he needed her to, that she could be anything they needed. But for a terrible second she doubted herself. The pain of it shook her so much it nearly knocked her out of his head and she had to hold on with everything she had to stay connected to him.

"I know you can do it," the Doctor said. The desperation in his voice brought her back to herself. There was pain and fear in his tone but there was no doubt or despair. She knew that he was feeling the same hurt that she did. She had awakened his mind to the trauma it had faced but he wasn't letting himself feel defeated. She couldn't pull away and leave him here alone with this. She must overcome this; she had to do it for him.

She pushed through the pain, barreling past it in a blind anguish until she reached his mind again. Instantly, she felt something that gave her even more drive and determination for what she had to do. Right away she could feel it: someone else's presence here. She had never felt anything like this before and as long as she lived she hoped never would again. Someone had invaded this place where only she should be allowed. She felt the cold and dark touch left behind and she shuddered at the ugly nature of the mind that had been here. For a second, the pain felt as if it was dulled to nothing as her anger flared within.

Not only did this person's dark presence linger behind but their handiwork was clear to see. She hated to see someone else's touch besides her own on the Doctor's mind. That would have been hard enough to see. But this was not touch alone; this was abuse. This was the mark of someone who had come in without invitation, who had come inside to steal everything the Doctor had until there was nothing left. Their movements had been careless, without regard for the Doctor's safety or a thought of the consequences for him. It killed her to see how anyone would hurt him like that with their touch and she threw the remnants of that person touch away. She covered his mind in her touch and prints and let her light burn bright and hot to cast away the dreadfulness that had been left here.

She surveyed the damage on him and it was massive. The first time she'd ever looked upon the Doctor's mind there had been the damage of neglect upon it. His mind had been barren and dry from being untouched. Just her touch upon him then had healed that damage. But this was nothing like that had been. This destruction surpassed that entirely; it made years of neglect look like nothing. He was burnt and raw and ripped apart on the inside. Terrible gashes and holes covered the surface of his mind where he had been torn into.

She felt sweat start to break out on the Doctor's forehead and his breath started coming out in short pants as he tried to keep from screaming at all the pain he was feeling. She felt him clench his jaw shut and his whole body tensed under her. She could feel it too. She felt the ripping and tearing, the pulling and stealing that had happened in his mind. It was everything you shouldn't feel from a telepathic connection. He hadn't felt it when he was asleep but now that he had reclaimed his mind and was awake he was aware of it all. It throbbed with the memories of what had happened.

She felt him move his hands from her head and grab her by the shoulders "It hurts. Rose, it hurts," he cried pitifully.

"I know. I know," she soothed. "You can scream if you want to. It's alright."

She started to let herself sob as she saw what had been done to him, as she felt it for herself. There was no reason or need to hold back from it now. She needed the release and he seemed to want to join her in the openness of it as he let himself go too. There was no need for the appearance of strength here; real strength was what they were striving for and there was no reason they should be dishonest in their reactions. From time to time he did let himself cry out or moan in pain. She encouraged him when he did so that he would know she was not afraid of it or deterred by the sound of it. This would not be easy and they didn't have to pretend it was.

Now that she had taken it in and overcame the initial shock, Rose began to work at healing the Doctor. There was so much damage she was almost overwhelmed with where to start. His mind was complete dissonance. It was so messed up he would have never been able to right it himself. She was struck once again by how amazing this thing they shared between them was. She knew that at times he had wondered if he had done the right thing when he'd brought her into this. But she had never doubted that this was what was meant to be between them and she'd never been more sure of it than she was now. The Doctor needed her to heal him; she was the only one that could. What a privilege that was. She was meant for him just as much as he was meant for her. She gained strength from their bond knowing how powerful it was and what it was capable of overcoming.

Not knowing any other way to start and not even sure there could be a better way, she focused on her feelings for the Doctor. She pulled from within her everything she could for him. All of the strength and energy she had in her she poured that into him hoping to replace everything that had been drained from him. She pulled every bit of love and affection that she felt for him and took it in her grasp. She took those feelings, all of the feelings that she had for him, and laid them on him. Hate and selfishness had caused these wounds upon him but she would help him recover with much better and stronger emotions than those. Her feelings for him were strong and she was sure that they were more powerful than the greed that had driven whoever had been here last.

She made sure she was careful in every touch. The surface of his mind was so raw she made sure all of her movements were very calm and gentle as she focused on tending his wounds. It was hard to move at a slow pace because the pain still burned her own mind and she longed to end it as soon as possible for them both. But she continued to remind herself that it was important to do this right. She knew the nature of the mind and knew the delicate way it had to be cared for. A job like the one in front of her couldn't be rushed.

She focused all of her love in her touch and made it soft and cooling. She gently brushed it back and forth covering every inch of his mind soothing the red and beaten surface. Everything was so inflamed but her touch was like water putting out the remnants of the fire. She tried not to focus on the pain she felt but it was still with her enough that she felt that it was lessening slowly as she worked. Her attentions to his mind was relieving the pain that they were in.

"Thank you," the Doctor whispered, encouraging her on as his own strength grew. "You're amazing." His words alone meant that his pain was dulling enough to make room for him to be able to speak; he was no longer incapacitated by it. Just her touch had helped.

Some of the time she didn't even know what she was doing but it didn't matter because it was working. She touched every part of his mind that she could see. She wanted every reminder of the intruder gone, leaving only traces of herself upon him, reclaiming him for herself. She felt his emotions, felt him responding to the touch and the affection even if his mind still didn't. It still didn't react or move on its own but it no longer retreated from her touch and that was progress. His light was slowly getting brighter and the pain gradually dimming. He was gaining energy as she poured all of hers into him. She was getting weaker by the second but she would continue to give until she had nothing left.

Once she had calmed his mind with her touch enough that she felt he was strong enough to go on she focused the deeper marks. There were deep marks where he had been cut into and open holes where the invader had tried to extract information. The Doctor had regained all of the information and memories that the intruder had tried to steal but it hadn't taken away injuries. She reached out to them, touching each one and, with everything that was in her, encouraging them to heal back up. It took a lot of effort on each one but eventually they all responded to her care. One by one they vanished and his mind became closer and closer to how it should be.

It was getting harder now and she was tired. She let out a breath and a shudder shook her body with the exertion it was taking to heal all the damage left behind. She pulled back only slightly, pausing to catch her breath. She wondered for a moment if she could go on. She had done so much already but it was taking its toll on her. They were getting closer and closer to where they needed to be but she was exhausted and questioned if she had enough left in her to get him all the way there.

Then she felt him reach up to her and place a very brief but meaningful kiss on her lips. It was full of encouragement and thankfulness for what she was doing for him. She felt it pouring out of him into her and she knew he was getting close to being fully restored. He knew this was what she needed; he could feel it even again if he hadn't known he could feel it. She didn't have much left but with this encouragement she knew that she could keep going. She eagerly leaned her head back down to his to finish.

She pressed on, the bulk of the injuries gone now gone, and focused on the last few blemishes on his beautiful mind. There wasn't much now but she wanted make sure he was completely mended and back to the way he had been before. The pain he'd felt was nearly gone and she only struggled now with the exhaustion she felt. But even that was lost from her focus because it was going to happen soon, she could feel it. His mind was nearly healed and she started to shake with the anticipation that his mind would reach out and touch her again any minute now.

She felt him reach up and place his fingers on her temples preparing for just that. It felt so incredibly right it was like she'd never been touched before in her whole life. She had been so lonely, _this_ kind of lonely, and this touch was one she'd longed for the most. He started to stroke her temples with his fingers and she was so overwhelmed she lost sight of what she was doing. She still worked, finishing what she was doing, but all she was aware of was his touch and everything it did to her mind.

When his mind finally touched hers she couldn't help but cry out. Her whole body seemed to cry _finally!_ She collapsed to the ground, exhausted, having spent all her energy on his healing and overcome by the sensation of his mind again.

She realized she must have passed out for a minute because a bit of time went missing. When she opened her eyes she found herself looking up at the broken ceiling of the greenhouse and the night sky just beyond it. She looked up at the Doctor and he smiled down at her. His mind was temporarily withdrawn from hers and he cradled her head in his hands. "Are you alright?" he asked.

"Someone sure is better," she said with a smile, gasping for breath.

"Well, I did have a very good doctor."

She laughed lightly. "I learned from the best."

"No, Rose. That was all you. I've never done anything like that. That was amazing and you did it all on your own. You are so brilliant," he said awe in his voice and pleasure clear in his face.

"So, you're all better now?" she asked.

"I have never been better," he said genuinely placing a hand on her face.

"And we can be together now?"

"Yes."

"Good," she said and she reached a hand up eagerly to his head but he reached out and took it in his own.

"Hold on now," he said, laughing slightly, and squeezing her hand. "Just give yourself a moment to recover."

She relaxed and closed her eyes, realizing that she really was quite tired. Her head was dizzy and she was still catching her breath. She rested for a few minutes, recovering and then opened her eyes to look up at him. There was concern in his face and she felt him worry a little.

"Don't worry," she said with smile. "I'm fine."

"Are you really?" he asked concerned. "I can feel how tired you are. We don't have to do this all at once if you're not ready for more."

She smiled, so glad that he _could_ feel what she was feeling once again. Just the simple intimacy of that was a gift in itself and she was glad she had worked for it; she was thankful they had both fought for it. But she also wasn't about to stop there.

"Don't you dare," she said desperately needing him. She reached a hand up to his head, burying her fingers in his hair. She felt her mind tingle with anticipation. Though it was tired from all she had just done, it was quickly gaining energy from the interest of what they could now have. "You know me better than that," she added with a tongue in teeth smile.

He seemed to melt at the sight of it. He gave her a mischievous grin as he stroked the sides of her head with his fingers. She closed her eyes and focused on the beauty of feeling his mind so strong. She could feel the readiness of their connection just under his fingers, just waiting for her. He was so much better he now had to hold himself back from touching her.

"There's no way you can tempt me like this and then try and act like we're going to stop now," she said smiling her eyes still closed and focusing on the touch. "Just give me a couple of minutes and I'll be good as new."

"Rose," he said seriously. "We'll need to reconnect our bond first."

She opened her eyes and looked at him questionably when she heard the grave tone of his voice. They were each just a breath away from touching each other, their hands temptingly close yet excruciatingly far from the mind they wanted to touch. They couldn't make that connection fast enough for her taste and she didn't understand why he had anything but excitement in his voice.

"That's a good thing?" she said, questionably at him.

"Of course," he answered quickly with feeling. "It's just going to hurt at first."

"But I thought you were all better now?"

"I am," he said quickly. "Thanks to you. This has to do with our bond being broken because of our separation."

"But we're supposed to be together. That's the way it's supposed to be. Why would it hurt?" she asked confused.

"Our separation is something that is never supposed to happen. It happened so suddenly and completely and lasted for so long. We'll need to reconnect the bond and it will just hurt at first until we overcome the trauma of that. But it won't last long and I promise it's going to be worth it."

"Oh, I'm counting on it," she said with a smile but it faded as she turned serious. She delighted in having him here, hovering so close above her. She placed a hand on his cheek as she marveled that he was here. For a few moments she just focused on the way his body pressed against her and the way their breathing seemed to match each other as she reflected on everything that had happened.

"I almost lost you," she said a waiver in her voice. "When I looked inside your head and saw everything that had been done to you, I realized just how close I came to losing you forever."

"It's O.K. now," he reassured her. "Thank you for healing me. Thank you for coming back for me."

"Come here," she pleaded passionately.

He was quick to oblige and in an instant his hands wrapped around her head firmly and his mind finally entered her just as it should always be.


	11. Chapter 11

The first touch of the Doctor's mind had been so powerful it had temporarily rendered Rose unconscious. This second brush of it threatened to do the same but Rose willed herself to hold on to consciousness as she felt it. His mind was with hers again and she would not allow herself to miss a single second of that. She had waited for this joining of them, to have her head full of him again and she wanted all of it. This was the very touch she had been seeking and aching for since the day it had been stolen from her. Now that they were reunited again and the Doctor had been healed of the abuse to his mind they were finally going to bond again.

But he was right; it _did_ hurt. His touch had never hurt her before and it never should. But she didn't care that it did right now. It didn't matter. Nothing else mattered at all because he was there with her again. His presence stirred her mind and all the pain in the world couldn't eclipse the pleasure she gained from that.

A gasp or a cry or a whimper left her lips; she wasn't sure which it was. It might have even been them all at once. She cried it out a couple of times more and squirmed beneath him. It sounded as if she meant to protest or get away but that wasn't what it meant at all. It was only the excess of the experience, expressed in a way that even she wasn't going to be able control.

"I'm sorry it hurts; it won't last," he soothed, his voice close to in her ear but he didn't loosen his grip. "It will get better once we've connected our bond together again."

She wasn't trying to get away and she meant to reassure him of this fact. She had been made speechless so she reached instead to pull herself nearer to him. She reached for his head and pulled it close and tight against her chest. He rested against her without any protest and his hands still in her hair tightened to show he enjoyed the closeness. They held each other tight for a while, seeing red as everything came alive between them.

With the Doctor's mind now restored their bond came alive, fully awake on both ends. But it was crippled, broken to an extent it never should have been and it pulsed and throbbed in an extreme pain that penetrated deep into their minds. Rose had thought her mind had been very active in the time she'd been separated from the Doctor. She'd experienced so much pain and such a strong reaching out on an almost daily basis. But it was only now that she realized how much of her mind had been dormant during that time. She hadn't known how much of her mind she'd been missing in that time or that so much of her had been numb while he was gone. The pain and yearning she'd felt for months had been terrible; there was no doubt about that. But she was grateful now for how much of her had been asleep during their separation. It would have been unbearable if she'd felt her mind at her full potential without him.

She was now aware of every inch of her own mind as it came alive in startling alertness. She was aware of everything to the highest degree she was capable of. She also felt the wide open hole in her mind where the Doctor was meant to be. He'd been ripped out when she'd been pulled into the parallel universe. That place was still open, meant for him. It had somewhat adapted to the emptiness but any of that progress now came undone as she was near him again. It split open like the wound it was, gaping and became ready to be made right again.

She didn't mind this pain. In fact, she relished it. She'd felt so much hurt in recent history but this was something different. The pain she'd felt in their separation was from something that was dying in her. This pain she felt now was the pain of something awakening. It was their bond, waking from its sleep, stretching, and gaining its strength again. There was purpose in this hurt. For the first time they each felt their broken bond entirely but now they could finally to do something about it. This ache was meant to draw them back together, to show them both how they were meant to be connected and they intended on following that guidance as quickly as possible.

The pieces of her that reached out to him, that fit into him were torn and weak but now that she was with him again, his hands on her head, she watched in amazement as they moved back into place. The part of her that was meant to be in his mind, that was hers no longer but belonged to him, was drawn towards him. Slowly, she watched as the bond that bound them together forever was slowly restored again. It had seemed, at times, it might be too much damage, that it was broken beyond repair. But together they watched as it was repairing itself, back to the way it was meant to be, back to where it had been before their separation. She had never seen the bond between them in such a real way before and it was amazing to watch.

"Can this be?" she gasped. She touched her face to his hair a moment and found tears were running down her face. "Doctor…can it really be that we're together again?" she marveled, kissing the top of his head a few times.

For a moment, he was too speechless for words. She could tell that he felt the same pain that she did and that he felt the same complete acceptance of it, embracing both it and the wonder of what was happening. "I thought it never could be again. I feared we never would be again. But it is," he marveled.

It was beautiful. Even in this moment of pain it was beautiful because their minds were about to be joined again. Pain flowed between them but because of it they could feel the connection that bound them more vividly than they ever had before. They could both clearly see empty spaces in them that they were meant to fill for the other. Rose had never actually seen the spot in the Doctor's mind where she was meant to be nor had she seen the place in hers where he was supposed to reside. She had always known they were there but it was really astonishing to see it in front of her.

Rose thought back to the night that this part of their connection had been formed. She remembered that night they had bonded and how it had been so strong that for the first time, when they pulled away a piece of them stayed with each other. It had happened in the midst of their sharing their darkest secrets and taking away each other's burdens from those mistakes. That experience had been so intimate and important, it had been so critical to the future of their relationship, that it had connected them in an inseparable way. That night they had both feared their biggest regrets might drive them apart but they had come away even closer because for it. Because of that complete honesty with each other their minds rested completely secure in the company of the other. What had at first seemed like the biggest debt to pay for the bond had in fact been one of its best benefits.

The first time their minds had joined in this way it had happened completely effortlessly. Because of how it had happened they hadn't even known it had occurred until it was over. It had happened silently and a great surprise to discover upon their ending that particular bonding time. But this time was very different. This time they were both fully aware of what was happening. This time they could watch as the separate parts of them reached out, getting closer and closer until they connected and joined. This time they could each feel the moment as they filled the space in each and their mind became whole again.

It had been special before when it had formed in the midst of that important moment they'd shared. But there was something exceptional about this time as well. This time they were able to be aware of it and see it happening when they hadn't before. Though neither one of them would wish for the separation they'd had to face or say it had been a good thing, there was a reason to feel fortunate in being able to experience this bond forming two separate times and in two different ways. It actually felt like they'd gained something from their parting. It was captivating and they soon forgot the pain they had been in as it faded.

They were intertwining again. Between them were the strands of their connection frayed and severed, abused by separation. But even at its weakest that connection had remained strong. It was still alive, despite everything, and it was moving and gaining interest. The edges of her were slowing moving to reach out to his and his responded in kind. Their bond was being knit back together. Soon, it was no longer weak and tattered but complete and strong, as if it had never even been severed in the first place. The spaces inside of them were open and waiting to be filled again and simultaneously they found their home again in each other and settled securely back in their proper places again.

When it was finished they were both left silent and gasping for breath. They were now complete and fully connected again. Every pain they'd felt in their minds now ceased. Their eyes opened wide and all they could do was stare at each other in wonder as they tried to catch their breath again. There were no words or comments that would do for the situation. Their gaze remained fixed on each other even as he slowly pulled back and sat on the ground next to her, his arms unable to hold him up anymore. She remained where she was and they both took a moment to rest. She reached a hand to her face and wiped away the sweat and tears she now found to be there.

It was the first time that they had been rendered silent both in speech and mind from anything they'd experienced. For some reason that made Rose want to laugh and she did. She laughed softly, finally content and whole again. It was joy she hadn't been sure she would have again and she marveled in it whether her expression of it was appropriate or not. She was glad when the Doctor smiled down at her and laughed softly along with her. He still didn't say a word but he leaned forward and kissed her gently on the forehead.

It finally, finally, had the desired effect. His mind now healed and their connection restored produced the reaction in her she'd wanted for so long. For the first time, the reaching inside would be satisfied and there were be no pain in their touching. It made her silent again and her face serious as she sat up and faced him.

She wanted a slow greeting between them. She needed his mind and touch and she longed for it as they had first had it.

"I'm lonely…in my mind," she said smiling and biting her lip. Her words hinted back at his own words from that very first time they had touched minds.

He smiled at back at her. He was completely well again and their connection was restored; nothing else would hold them back now. "I think I can help with that."

Without another word she closed her eyes and waited. She waited for him to reach out and touch the sides of her head. She wasn't disappointed as he reached out, simply, just as he had done all the way back in the beginning. He was so gentle with her and she could feel it all completely as it should be now, no longer hindered by their long absence.

The Doctor was in Rose's head again and that was what it felt like to be home. He felt as if he had been traveling and lost for so long but this was where he was meant to be. Her mind was warm and welcoming just like he'd remembered. It was completely open to him, receiving him in without any hint of hesitation or need for encouragement. She was ready and he rushed in. It always was such a comfortable place to rest and he took his time reacquainting himself with the sight of the inside of her. He had longed for the sweet confines of her soft mind and he found himself hurrying in.

He moved his fingers in small circles, gently massaging her temples and letting his mind freely flow to her. He felt her reach her hands to his wrists and she rubbed his arms back and worth, content, as he wrapped himself around her mind. He marveled at her mind within his grasp again, able to touch her, stroke her and hold her close again. He wasn't sure he would ever get enough. It seemed there could never be time enough to get all of her that he wanted or make up for all the opportunities of this he'd been deprived of. He would never ever in all the lives he might be given tire of having her this close and holding her in this very way.

The Doctor was not surprised to find that their absence had left its mark on her mind. He should have expected that eight months of neglect would take their toll upon her. He would have known she'd look like this if he had thought about it before but he hadn't wanted to think of this. It was his responsibility to keep her from ever reaching this point. He took that obligation to heart and loved his job of caring for her mind. He'd have never let her become like this if he hadn't been kept from her.

Rose was never supposed to look this way. Her mind was like a desolate wasteland, neglected and abandoned. He never wanted her to look deserted, ignored, overlooked, and unloved. The absence of touch had left her bare and in desperate need of sustenance. He reached out to her, now even more eager to give her what she needed and had gone without for so long.

The longer he laid his mind on hers the more he could feel her getting antsy. When he touched her he felt her forcing herself to be still. It wasn't like she was resisting him exactly but she wouldn't allow herself to respond to it fully. Her hands now gripped his wrists holding on tight like she was holding herself back. She grabbed at his touch but he could feel that she kept pulling back almost like she was trying to keep herself in check. He wrapped his mind around hers and held her tight, letting his own light seep into her, reviving her. It was relief to her; it restored her. And yet, there was something that was causing her distress.

 _What's wrong?_ he asked.

 _I'm starving,_ she admitted with feeling.

 _I can see that,_ he said with a small smile unmistakably feeling the hunger she had for his touch. _That's O.K._

With the absence of the pain that Rose had become so accustomed to in her mind there was nothing but space for her desire to grow and it was. The need for his touch was so strong she had never felt anything like it before. _I've never felt it this much before,_ she admitted. It frightened her a little that she needed this so much. It made her not trust herself.

 _Is that a bad thing?_ he asked, detecting the hints of fear in her.

 _No. But I don't…I don't want to lose control._

 _It's alright if you do,_ he reassured her. He stroked the sides of her head now with his fingers, brushing her hair back around her ears, repeating the motion several times.

She whimpered quietly at his words and his kind touch. She had been without this for so long that she needed it terribly, more than ever. _I want to touch you,_ he whispered. _Don't deprive me of this._

She was gasping now, nearly crying. She shivered with desire at his words and her body began shaking slightly with all the anticipation and want. He didn't understand her hesitation when it was so clear in every way how much she both needed and wanted this.

 _I don't want to be selfish,_ she finally whispered back.

The Doctor felt his hearts swell even more with love for her. His Rose, she was so dear and so kind. He was surprised, though he shouldn't be, that this was what was at the root of her restraint. She was always thinking of others first; always thinking of _him_ first. He delighted to feel the emotion of her compassionate heart again, right as she felt them.

Normally, at this point she would be reaching back to him; there would be a somewhat even exchange from them both. But she had been deprived of his touch for so long she felt all she could do at this point was take and she felt guilty for that. She didn't want to take from him first before she was able to give to him.

He reached out for her and wrapped his arms around her resting his forehead against hers. _Rose…you get to be selfish now. You've had to hold yourself back for months but you don't have to anymore. Not anymore. Not in this. This is what I'm here for._

He pressed his lips against her head, knowing she wouldn't be able to argue anymore once he did. He poured everything he could into her through the kiss and he felt it unlock her inside. She realized this herself and he felt her come at him, empty and taking all he could give. He reached out to her and she pulled on him taking in his touch. With the Doctor's words of reassurance still ringing in her mind she didn't hold back anymore. She grabbed at his touch taking everything she could from it without reservation. She drew in all his light and warmth and took it for herself. At first it seemed she would never be filled and he was alright with that. She needed him and his touch and that was the most beautiful responsibility that he had ever had.

She tore into his mind, consuming him. But this was quite unlike it was when the last person attempted that. This produced amazing results and not fatal ones. Her mental touch was all over him and there was nothing but her presence around him. She took and took and took of him; so much that he hadn't been aware he had so much to give. Every piece of him that she asked for he gladly forfeited. She wanted him and he wanted her to need him; he was glad to surrender everything of him to her. For months he'd only belonged to himself and what a hardship that had been. Now he was hers again. He was glad that she wasn't keeping herself back even in part anymore. She needed this and he loved to feel her come to him for it.

She'd feared taking so much from him but she didn't need to because he had so much to give her. Her hunger was great and her pace was quick but he could keep up with her. All the light and energy and everything that was good inside of him was hers for taking if she wanted it. This was what she needed and he could feel that his attentions were making a difference in her. She was in so much need but she was gaining strength from his light and life that he gave to her. She had longed for the glow of his light around her and she delighted herself in it, letting it banish the loneliness that had been there for so long. In time, her mind started moving slightly along with his own.

He wanted to grab her, hold her tight and dive into her mind. To his delight he found she was ready to stand back and let him have at her. But there was something that nagged at him and made him hesitate. It was the thing that was now very clear to him that made him pause: She hadn't held herself back from the pain of their separation. He could tell by looking at her that she had let herself feel the pain of their bond. She hadn't locked it away to deal with it later; she had faced it and dealt with it as she felt it. He could tell by looking at the way the damage was in her mind that she had even embraced the pain their severed bond had created. She hadn't run from the pain or try to suppress the bond. She'd felt what she'd had to in order to keep it alive.

 _I missed you so much,_ she murmured, caught up in the delight of feeling his mental touch again. He could feel all the more how much it meant to her because of all the times she'd longed for it. She had known it would be worth it; she had known the waiting and pain would not be for nothing.

The Doctor was struck deeply by guilt. She had kept their connection alive. She had valued it and cherished it even though it caused her pain. She had taken care of it even when they were apart, even when they had not known if they would ever be together again. He felt like less than dirt when he realized how much attention she had given it all. He was ashamed to know how little he had.

The time had come when Rose was ready to reach out to him. She had had enough of her own fill that she needed to reciprocate, to thank him for what he'd done by doing the same in return. He felt her seek him out so that she could share but he withdrew. She chased after him and he couldn't believe he found himself backing away from the mind that was eager to touch his.

Rose was beyond confused to feel the Doctor distancing himself from her. Why should he run from her now? She was eager to touch his mind and give herself to him and she didn't understand why it seemed he did not want to accept it. She reached out to find what motivated these actions and she was glad to see he wasn't hiding completely. He let her feel what it was and she found he was feeling guilty. He was feeling guilty and selfish.

For a moment, she thought that maybe he was feeling it for the same reason she had. She'd been so caught up in herself and receiving that she'd missed the turmoil going on in him. She thought maybe he was feeling guilty for wanting attention focused solely on him. But now, upon greater inspection, it felt as though it went deeper than that. There was more to it. She didn't like to feel that he felt so bad right now. She felt so good and she wanted him to feel the same.

 _Doctor, why do you feel so guilty?_ she quietly asked. She rubbed her hands against his back trying to calm what he felt inside.

 _I…I want to tell you first, before you see it for yourself._ One way or another she was going to know about it and he would rather show some courage and own up to it than make her have to find it on her own.

He was afraid, she could feel now. _Alright. You can tell me; I'm not so scary, am I?_ she asked, a gentle tease in her voice to make him feel more at ease. But it didn't work.

 _I can see how much pain you were in. I can see all the damage in your mind right now; you suffered. Our bond and the separation caused you pain and you felt that completely._

 _Does that surprise you?_ she asked confused.

 _No. No, it doesn't. It makes me feel ashamed of myself._

 _Why? Why would it?_

 _Because I didn't do the same,_ he admitted. She could feel his hearts breaking over it, remorse hitting him greatly. He was so sorry and she could feel it.

 _What do you mean, Doctor? Tell me,_ she asked as her arms tightened around him. _I know you felt pain; you couldn't have escaped it if you tried._

 _But I was afraid it. I tried to run away from it. I only felt what I couldn't repress. But I can see right now that you didn't ignore it. You embraced the pain. You kept our connection as alive as you could even though it was broken and it hurt you. You're not a coward like I am._

 _You are not a coward,_ she said strongly. _Doctor, I know you love me. And I know you missed me. I don't doubt any of that,_ she said trying to reassure him.

 _I feel awful. I don't know how I could have tried to hide our bond, to keep it inside of myself. I wanted it to lay dormant while we were apart._

 _And I'm sure that worked very well for you,_ she gently chided him. She knew how futile his efforts must have been. It must have only made it harder on him. And it just would not do for him to feel like he felt right now, bearing guilt he didn't need to own. _Don't you see? You only hurt yourself by doing that. Can't you see how much worse you made it for yourself?_

 _You aren't mad?_

 _No,_ she answered kindly. _You act like you think that it's a surprise to me that you do that._

 _Isn't it?_

 _No,_ she said with a smile. _You know I can read your mind right? Who knows you better than I do? I know how you work in your mind and hearts. I know that you are afraid of what you feel. I know that left alone you try to run from yourself. But you aren't alone anymore, are you?_

She felt a burst of excitement and anticipation on his side and she was glad to feel it. _No, I'm not_ , he answered. He was overwhelmed at her forgiveness and so happy to know she really was there with him to help him. He desperately needed all of her help.

 _It seems you've left me with my work cut out for me. I better get to it._

 _If I face it I might fall apart,_ he said, with the last shred of hesitation he had left. She could feel that he was close to her again and almost ready to give himself over to her touch but he was still a little scared.

 _Go ahead_ , she urged. _I'll hold you together._

She pulled him closer to herself, holding one of her hands firm against his head. Her poor Doctor; he was so bad at taking care of himself. She hated that she had been kept from being there for him for so long. But she was here now and she was going to take care of everything.

He faced the true of absence of her in himself and it did hurt. It pushed itself from deep within him and it was greater for having been stifled and ignored. It was harder and more frantic than even hers had been. She watched it come out and decided to let him feel it for just a few moments. She wanted him to be fully aware of the touch he needed from her so he would be open to allow her to give it.

He was empty and desperate and he grabbed at her mind urging her inside. He pulled back instantly, feeling embarrassed at the action that seemed too greedy and horrified at the force he used with her. He never seized her like that; he just knew this want so little he was unable to know how to control it. He had kept himself from feeling this so many times and he regretted that now; now he felt so much in this moment. But she only smiled and patted his head gently as she rested her touch upon his mind. He really was so hard on himself.

It had been amazing to feel his light and touch wash over her again for the first time. She had needed to be bathed in his love so much; her mind had been so desperate for it. He had given her that without reserve. She now realized that she desired to do the same for just as much. As much as she had needed his touch to nourish her own mind, she needed to give that to him too.

Rose felt her own mind, so powerful and warm, so strong and full of life. Even this, her own light, had mostly been a memory to her in their time apart. She had felt it but as not strongly as she did when he was there to awaken it. It had been so weak. But she was stronger than ever now and ready for the task ahead. She gathered up her light, herself, pressing it through her finger tips and straight into his mind.

He needed it. Every ounce of it he soaked up. She held his mind securely in her grasp and kept him still to receive all the attention she intended on lavishing on him. It wasn't pain that he would be feeling now. She didn't blame him for running from it; she wasn't angry he hadn't known how to deal with it. At this moment she only felt longing inside of herself to correct the pain that had been caused and to satisfy the need she hadn't been able to for months.

She stroked his mind gently with her own, brushing the surface of it with her own light. This simple but profound touch was the very foundation of their telepathic touch. At its simplest this was what their bond was all about. The simple embrace of their minds against each other and the sharing of themselves meant even more now that they had been apart for so long. This was the very first way they had shared telepathic touch and Rose was overjoyed to be able to be together in this way.

She had known how much he needed this because it was how much she had needed it. And now that she was glimpsing his mind it was very easy to see it upon him. Now that the crisis had passed and he'd been healed of the damage the thief had left upon him he'd been restored to his normal state. But his normal state before was one of separation. It was similar to what he had looked like the first time she'd looked at him; neglected and in need of touch. But it was even worse than that. The sight before her was not the one of someone who needed touch but who had adapted to the absence of it as he had been that first time they were together. This was the sight of someone who was used to regular attention and needed the affection. There were no signs of adaptation or healing; there was nothing but the signs of desperate need and neglect. It was the evidence of how much he had come to need her.

She could feel it in his touch as well. Her touch was lite on him but he kept clutching her. He didn't mean to act greedy or forceful with her and he kept withdrawing his touch in embarrassment of his lack of control. But she understood that he was just so desperate he needed her touch so badly. He didn't mean to keep leaping at her but his mind was hard to control after such a long time of being unheeded. This was a break from their normal even exchange of give and take but she didn't mind. He had given himself without reserve to her and she was going to do the same for him.

When he grabbed at her rather than try to calm him she pressed her mind even more upon him. _This was what you were holding on for, wasn't it?_ she asked. _Let yourself have it._

He couldn't resist or pull back when she pressed her mind on him like that and he would have to take and take until he was satisfied. _I am so lonely,_ he cried his mind reaching out for her. He was lonely for her in his mind but not for long. He was amazed to feel her touch warming the coldness inside of him and reviving all that had become devastated. He wasn't sure she could handle to give as much as he needed but she didn't stop or falter once. This was what her mind had always been for and she had gained so much strength over time to make her even better at it.

She delighted to feel him reaching out for her again. She was in his mind where she belonged and he needed her. She was so glad to feel that he needed her; that he needed her in this way specifically. It was a way she hadn't been sure she'd ever be needed again. Her human relationships hadn't required it and she was so glad to be with him again. She'd have felt the loss of this her whole life if she had never been reached out to for this. She pressed her mind on him all the more to continue to encourage it.

It took a long time but he didn't stop taking until he had satisfied. She had light and warmth enough to give him until he was no longer reaching for more and even found she had more to spare. He whispered out a _Thank You_ when he finally stilled and rested his mind, completely satisfied from her touch. Both were, for the very first time in months, content.

It was easy to see how long they had been apart. Their minds had been so desperate, to a level only created by deprivation. It was such a large space of their time that they had been separated. Their minds had felt that length of that time and she could feel the pain of those months on their timeline. It was time, months of it, she could see was separate and not joined together. It pained her to know there was time between them that was divided and unshared.

They were still pausing, catching their breath when Rose felt memories boiling up inside of her, being brought to the surface for the purpose of sharing. The bond was now back in place and doing its job, like an old friend returned to them. It was like a mediator between them guiding them along and was leading them to the next step. She knew what this meant and was familiar with this phenomenon. Whenever her and the Doctor experienced things separately the memories were often recalled to be given to the other, to be shown and given as a shared experience; her memories became the Doctor's and his became her own even if they had made them when they were apart.

She had come to look forward to this happening but this time she felt herself hesitating. There were so many memories; she had experienced so much time away from him. This was not like those memories of a day they'd spent separated in their jobs but still working on the same mission. This was months' worth of time where she had lived without him. It was a sad thing and she wasn't sure if he would want it.

Already she felt those pleasant effects of the bond, that opened her up and made her vulnerable and honest with him. So many people would find the sensation to be unsettling but she'd come to love it. It pushed her to be exposed and truthful with him and that was something good because it drew them closer together. Because of it she decided to just be honest and voice her concerns and ask him how he felt about it all.

He felt her hesitating and knew she had a question. _Should I show them to you?_ she asked.

 _Of course,_ he answered positively.

 _But…won't they make you sad?_ she asked, her voice cracking slightly at the thought.

She felt him smile and reach out a hand, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and letting his hand rest holding her chin. _Yes, they will make me sad. It's time of yours that I didn't get to be a part of. But I still want them. I want to experience them in this way and have them as much as I can._

She smiled. _O.K._

 _You'll be alright to experience it again?_ he asked, making sure she was comfortable with the exchange.

 _Yes,_ she said nodding her heading strongly. She knew it would be hard but if he wanted them then she wanted him to have them. _I can do it._

He reached for her and pulled her towards him. He shifted her in his arms so that she was leaning comfortably back against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and held her comfortably against himself before leaning his head down against hers. _Tell me your story,_ he whispered. She sighed and closed her eyes, feeling very safe in his arms even as the sad and difficult memories came back to her.


	12. Chapter 12

Rose didn't have to do anything except step aside and let the memories come to the surface and it all came back to her easily. The months she'd spent separated from the Doctor came rushing back to her now, quickly in flashes but thoroughly enough to be understood. All the bad she'd felt was there but also some good she hadn't expected to see there. They came randomly, not in the order they'd happened, but they were all still there.

There was the awful day when they had been pulled apart. There was her beating upon that wall and succumbing to the pain afterwards. She saw those first three days when she'd been overcome by the pain in her head and had never left her bed. There was her suffering through that Christmas party on the day the Doctor had visited her in her dreams and the joy of getting to see and speak with him. She saw herself on her first day at Torchwood, nervous and a bit sad at her situation but hopeful in what she could achieve. There were several recollections of her in bed at night feeling crushing loneliness and crying herself to sleep. There were days where she had worked relentlessly, spending every moment she physically could to find a way back to him. There were many lonely, solitude days spent at home when she couldn't be anywhere else. She had been surrounded by her family but because of her situation in comparison to theirs, she had never felt more alone.

There were a few good memories and she saw them too. She hadn't set out to miserable during her time spent in the parallel universe, it had just turned out to be the way she felt most of the time. But there were some happy times. There was her at Torchwood being recognized for her hard work and success in a few cases she'd worked on. There was her with her mum watching the ultrasound and hugging the day they had found out her mum was having a boy. There was Mickey telling her a joke and making her laugh one day when she'd needed cheering up. She saw herself laughing with Pete over the mishaps they'd had on the day he had taught her to drive.

It was strange to see it all again like this. It had been such an unusual time in her life and so painful. Watching it all again it seemed there were even more tears and heartaches than she had remembered. She had been through so much, more than she previously would have thought herself capable of enduring. But she had come through it and she had come out of it. Now, she relived these memories knowing that they weren't all in vain. She could see the sorrow now and know it would be ended. And she could look at those good memories and cherish them. She could remember those sad memories without the all pain that had previously been attached to them.

When it was all over she found the Doctor was rocking her in his arms, almost unconsciously as if to soothe the pain she had been feeling during those times and that she now felt having to recollect them. She was glad for the touch and she held on to his arms, grateful to be with him now. This was what she had so often wanted in those moments she just saw and she was glad that she had it this time.

It was a lot to see and for a while they just sat in silence. She had found herself reflecting on it all and she knew it would take a while for the Doctor to process everything. All they had seen was completely new to him and she didn't expect that he would speak right away. There was a lot of heartache in the memories she'd shown him but she felt better now that she shared them with him. They didn't seem so terrible or insurmountable now that he carried them along with her.

"What are you thinking?" she asked after several minutes had passed and he still hadn't spoken. She could find out for herself, of course, but she wanted to ask him and let him say it rather than going in to take it.

He took a deep breath, his arms tightening around her all the more. She sighed and held on to arms tighter. "It hurts to see you alone. It hurts to see you in pain."

They both knew that time was passed and they were together again. But she'd shared the memories with him and that had included the emotions of them. It would take a minute to overcome that and feel the current reality of their situation fully again.

"It did hurt, so much at times," she said closing her eyes and focusing on his arms around her to remind her that the potency of the feelings she felt were from the past and not the present. "But I'm glad I can show them to you."

"You went through a lot. You're very strong."

"Do you really think so?" she asked a waiver in her voice. It seemed that she hadn't handled their separation very well. It felt like she hadn't been strong; she'd felt so weak at times. She felt like she'd fallen to pieces without him and she hadn't known what it looked like to outsiders. Without knowing the whole story, they might have thought she was weak for handling their separation the way she had.

But the Doctor knew the whole story. He was the only one who truly knew the full extent of her loss and the burden that created. "Of course," he answered, his head tilted towards hers and whispering into her ear. "I know what it was you lost; I know how that felt. To move on from that, especially with as much strength as you did, is remarkable. You not only loved past the pain but you even worked harder because of it. "

She closed her eyes again as she felt the mist of tears in them. He _did_ know and understand; he saw it all completely. She'd been so alone during those times she'd just shared with him but she was no longer alone in them. Because of this he was now with her in them. "Thank you," she said tears in her voice.

"Thank you for working so hard to try and get back to me," he whispered. "Thank you for holding onto our bond and keeping it alive."

"I was glad to do it…it's all I wanted."

"I know," he said with a smile. "Thank you."

"Let me take yours," she requested, tilting her face to look at his. He now had her memories of that time and she wanted his. He could help her carry her burden of the past and she wanted to help him with his.

She felt him agree though in word he was silent. She pulled out of his hold and reached for him. She reached for his head and pulled on him to rest against her laying his lead in her lap. She ran her fingers through his hair and felt the memories coming up to her from him, eager to be let out. They were ready to be shared and they hardly needed such provocation to come to her.

She saw it all and felt everything. She saw that terrible day again but now from his perspective. She saw that he had also leaned against that wall and tried to see if he could hear her; he had tried to reach her. She saw him walk away in stoic silence when he found it wasn't possible. She knew that face and how much it meant even though it conveyed nothing on the outside. She felt the storm that had been brewing inside of him then, knowing he had truly lost her, as he made his way back to the TARDIS. He had barely made it back inside and gotten away from Torchwood before he had fallen apart.

She watched in tears as he had suffered through the separation of their bond. She saw it and felt it but she was powerless to do anything about it. She was so much a part of the memory now and yet she could do nothing to alter it, to go back and have truly been a part of it. She wanted to. As she watched him going through the pain of their connection severing she wanted nothing more than to be there and hold him. She had to remind herself she _was_ holding him, that she could comfort him right now. But it was hard to remember the present when she was taking in the past like this. At the moment, he was alone, in the console room crying in pain.

She watched as he had stayed there, for days she guessed but she couldn't say for sure. He had been unable to measure time and there had been no environmental clues or people around him that had given any indication of how much time was passing by him. He had been reaching out for her, his mind searching for hers just as hers had done for him. She felt how he had needed her just as much as she had needed him. He had felt the pain too, so bad he thought he couldn't make it through. She hadn't been alone in that struggle. Even though she hadn't been able to reach him then he had been going through the same thing right along with her. She watched as he had eventually felt the emptiness and the absence of relief when that pain had subsided.

He had been alone. Not just alone in his mind but completely alone. As bad as the loneliness in the mind was at least she had not been physically alone. The former truly was the worst loneliness but it was made even worse without the consolation of others company. For most of the time they had been separated he'd been alone and that was to his detriment. He'd been cooped up in the TARDIS for months, driven near craziness in his attempt to find a way back her. He'd studied and researched for hours, alone with no one to stop him and very few physical needs to interrupt him. He had focused on it almost constantly day and night, his only company the TARDIS. She had reached out to him in concern as much as much as was possible but her attempts were mostly fruitless.

Rose saw that Christmas he had spoken of and now she was able to see why it had bothered him so much. He'd had to end an enemy who wouldn't listen to his pleas of reason and stop and in his grief he'd considered ending himself along with them. She saw the spirited woman that had stopped him but who had later broken his hearts when she'd refused his invitation to come with him. All of that he had endured on the same day he'd had to face her at Bad Wolf Bay. She wondered how he had been able to get through so much.

She could feel that he wanted to resist the memories and the pain they caused but he didn't. He allowed his memory to be opened up and examined by her. She ran her fingers through his hair encouragingly to comfort him and help them flow easily and quickly. These were hard memories and she wasn't surprised he wanted to fight against them. He didn't consider them to be among his finest moments and, though it wasn't a goal of his to hide them from her, he didn't like returning to them himself.

For a while, Rose was worried that all he had were difficult and painful memories. She worried that he didn't have anything good at all to remember from their time apart. But eventually there were some. She saw him meet Martha and for the first time since he'd lost Rose he had really laughed; at times he had actually been happy. He was excited about something again because everything was new to Martha and he always had enjoyed showing someone the universe for the very first time. Rose was glad to see him have someone to take care of him, someone to watch out for him.

For the past couple of months his time hadn't been consumed solely with the pursuit of finding her again. It might seem strange to say but she was truly glad of it. The obsession had nearly destroyed him, would have destroyed him, if it hadn't been toned down. He'd nearly driven himself to exhaustion physically, emotionally and mentally in his efforts to find her. But with Martha there, there had been other things to focus on.

She saw them meet Shakespeare. She saw them visit New New York. She watched as he'd had to face the Daleks again. It was so strange to see him on adventures without her. Ever since he'd met her there hadn't been any trips that she hadn't been a part of. There was a piece of her that longed to not have been excluded but at the same time she wasn't jealous. She was glad that he had been able to have them even if she hadn't been able to be there too. Besides, in a way, she did get to experience them. Because of the bond she did get to share them in part. She got to experience them in this way with him.

When it was over she spoke quickly, knowing exactly what it was she wanted to say to him. "Why do you feel so guilty? You know you don't need to," she whispered as she looked down at his face and stroked it gently with her hand.

He looked up at her, knowing she had seen everything in all the months he'd been separated from her. "I know," he said.

She could feel that he did know it. In his mind, at least, he did. But in his hearts some worry remained. "But you still worried I would be upset."

"It felt wrong to ask someone else to travel with me. I knew she wasn't a replacement but that was still your spot. I thought about not asking her but I…I was afraid of what would happen to me. If I was alone for much longer…I was afraid of what I would do."

She stared at him for moment, her feelings for him bringing a smile to her face. "Doctor…I'm glad you asked Martha to travel with you. I was worried about you. I didn't want you to be alone."

"I know. I knew you would. That's why I eventually decided to ask her. But I guess I was still worried you would misunderstand."

"I know how you feel about me. Remember?" she asked with a smile. "I can feel it for myself," she whispered leaning in close to his face.

He smiled now, relaxing, and she was glad to feel it. "I guess I just got forgetful being so long out of practice."

"Well," she said running both of her hands deeply down into his hair. "We'll just have to fix that now, won't we?"

He was briefly and pleasantly distracted by her attention and they both allowed themselves a moment to just enjoy the action.

"What about the other things?" he asked after a minute, that worry he'd felt before having returned.

He was worrying now about the things he has felt and thought. He was worried about the way he had handled their separation. Or rather the way he _hadn't_ handled their separation. He hadn't endured their time apart very well. Once, he had even thought of doing the unthinkable.

"I'm glad it's over," she answered honestly. "I'm glad that you didn't do everything you were tempted to."

"I am too."

"You allowed yourself to hold on to your hearts. There was once a time when you wouldn't have. You didn't abandon them and that's good. I know you feel like you didn't handle it very well but I think you've made great progress in how you deal with your feelings. Choosing to let yourself really feel hurts sometimes and it's often messy. But you did it and you got through it."

"I wish I had known about this."

"About what?"

"About being here with you again. I would have known what all the pain was for. I would have known why I was holding on to it and not giving up."

"Did you miss me?" she asked her hand stilling in his hair. Of course, she knew the answer to that question without a doubt. But that wasn't really the question she was asking.

"So much," he replied.

"Let me feel it," she requested. "All of it."

He sat up and reached for her. He pulled her to himself, lifting her up to rest sitting in his lap. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close against him and she wrapped her arms around him, holding on tight.

He ran his hands all over her head and for a moment their minds were still. His fingers traced every part of her face and head, reacquainting himself with every inch of her head. She felt every part of her body tingling with the sensation of it, the bonding having made this part of her very sensitive to touch. Every place he touched was hyperaware to this kind of attention. This was a greeting touch but it was a very effective one and made every part of her alert and her mind asking for more.

 _I love you,_ he said

 _Let me feel it,_ she asked again.

It was true that he had tried to repress the feelings he'd had, those feelings of sadness and loneliness and the reaching of his mind for hers, while they had been apart. In the moments that he'd felt those emotions he might have tucked them away because he'd felt they were too difficult for him to feel on his own. But it was easy for Rose to see that, even though he pushed them back inside, he hadn't squandered them. He had stored all of his love and devotion for her because she felt it all now in an instant. He poured them out to her, meeting every desire she'd had in her heart for him. He hadn't forgotten her in any way or let his feelings for her grow stale. They were all still there and waiting for her.

Waiting and saving oneself for another was a beautiful thing. To find yourself the object of such actions, you couldn't help but be moved. Rose was, greatly so, so much she felt like weeping. Contrary to popular belief, the Doctor didn't have a problem making feelings. He always felt like he struggled in express them but right now, sharing them in this way, he was quite fluent. She felt the Doctor wrap his arms around her and hold her against him even closer as everything he'd save up for her washed over her from him.

He understood. Everything she'd gone through in their separation, the pain, the longing, the sadness, the loneliness, he understood it all. He knew what it had been like because he'd felt it all for himself. This was the transparency she had been missing, this true connection with each other; really and truly sharing herself with him as she couldn't do without anyone else. She wasn't forgotten or overlooked as she had felt she was so many times; he could _see_ her now. She had missed this true openness she had with only him. She had missed having him see all of her, of not being able to hide any of herself away. She was open like a book but with him as the one who could see what was inside, she didn't mind that; she was glad she wasn't closed up from his sight.

She was nearly overwhelmed. She had known she had been starved for the mental touch but she hadn't known how much she'd needed this emotional closeness as well. Sometimes the emotional connection of their bond got overlooked in the midst of their sharing. It was always there; it was always at the root of it all. The mental touching and sharing of thoughts would be nothing without it. Neither of them took it for granted or unappreciated it. It was only that sometimes they failed to stop and value it for what it was all on its own.

Right now it was unforgettable. Right now, Rose felt it powerfully strong. She'd yearned so much to be seen, to be understood, to be noticed and appreciated since she'd lost the Doctor and now she'd found it. Not only found it, but was able to experience it in the best way possible. Emotional intimacy had always been such a powerful element of the times they shared and now it was stronger than it ever had been. The time spent apart left her with a large space within her for it and offered her new eyes to appreciate it with.

 _I'm nearly overwhelmed,_ she cried. She was going to lose momentary control over what she felt, she could sense it. Her restraint threatened to cave under the pressure of her potent feelings and she would be undone.

 _Let it happen,_ he urged back to her.

 _Isn't it bad?_ she asked. She remembered times in the past, though they had mostly been in the beginning of their time together, when being overwhelmed had led to being out of control. She didn't want to be out of control.

 _No, not bad at all. Not when you're with me. You've never held yourself back. You don't need to be worried; let's see what happens._

Despite her own fears that she might come undone and that her own mind might get away from her she let herself feel her own emotions without restraint. She felt them fully and completely. Her pain and sadness and desire and joy all came spilling out of her at once. The combination of them all together came rushing out and all over and it was actually a beautiful mixture. It was a dazzling display of all that had been lost and then all that had been found again. The Doctor was covered in it all and knew they were truly connected and joined in their common feelings.

Fire blazed inside of Rose. It started out as a small flicker but it soon grew, gaining speed and becoming bigger and brighter inside of her. She hadn't been sure what would happen when she gave in to everything she was feeling but now she could see that all that energy was going to this fire, fueling it inside of her. It burned bright because of that passion. She had never felt this before. The Doctor was usually the one burning but now it was her. Her light had always been soft and gentle; not enough to make flames. But right now her usual mildness just wouldn't do. Now that she was aware of it she could feel that this blaze had been building for a long time now. She felt it growing and taking on new strength and life of its own.

Rose was burning so bright and so hot. The Doctor had never felt her quite like this before. He half expected her to be in flames in his arms when he opened his eyes and glanced at her. He felt foolish, of course, for thinking such a thing but even though all the fire was contained within her he could still feel the burn of her under his fingertips.

 _Rose,_ he said impressed and surprised by the power that was building inside of her and reaching out to him.

 _Is it too much?_ she asked.

 _Not at all_

 _Are you sure?_ she asked and if he wasn't mistaken there was a hint of pleasure she felt in asking him this. She was not accustomed to having such power and he could tell she enjoyed it. She was very strong and she knew it. He enjoyed feeling it as well. He hadn't expected this level of passion but he was glad it had arrived. He had no intention of asking her to calm it down.

 _Burn me alive,_ he said, letting his own emotions show. _I don't care if you do. Burn me up until there's nothing left, just don't stop._

 _As you wish,_ she said with a smile as the flames inside of her grew even more.


	13. Chapter 13

There had been a time when the intensity of the fire that burned in the Doctor's mind had been too much for Rose to endure. Once, she'd even been forced to ask him to calm it because it was too much. But she would never have to ask that again. Now, she could withstand the heat of his light no matter how bright it might burn. Even better, she even had her own to match it.

She hadn't been able to do this before and she was sure that their long absence was fueled the passion that was behind this new skill. Absence really did make the heart grow fonder; she just hadn't known it would make the mind so much stronger. That time apart had created such a longing in her that now she wasn't sure she could ever satisfy. The way it burned she wasn't sure she would be able to make up for it. But she sure was going to try.

She was glad that the Doctor didn't want her to calm it because right now she wasn't sure she could. She wondered how he had ever been able to extinguish the fire inside of him that time she'd asked him to. It proved to her just how strong he was that he had been able to manage it and how much he cared for her that he had been willing to do it. She was happy that she would never have to ask that of him again. She had worried she'd never be able to match him and that he would never be able to fully unleash his own fire on her but now she knew she'd been wrong. Now she was a match for him.

She let her light shine bright and consume him. The warmth of her spread to every part of him and banished every bit of coldness that was in him. It was so much of her and she _had_ to give it to him. He was blinded and held captive by it. He had never seen her like this before. It had never bothered him that she couldn't match the fire he had in himself. He always knew he needed her gentleness. She kept him kind; she kept him in check. But there was definitely something to be said for passion. He had underestimated what it would feel like to have her desires actually leave their mark on him. It was something he'd not thought he'd see and it was something he did not know he'd enjoy so much.

 _My, my,_ he said simply, at a loss for words. She was so powerful and strong; she was as beautiful as ever but in a new way he'd never witnessed before.

 _Impressed?_ she asked.

 _You have no idea_

 _Actually, I have a few,_ she said playfully.

 _This is even better than I remember_

 _I dare say, Doctor, this is better than it's ever been_

 _So, how about those ideas you were talking about?_ he asked teasing.

 _If you insist,_ she said with a smile. _But first, I want to show you something else I learned since the last time we were together_

 _Oh yeah?_ he asked curiously. _What's that?_

She pulled back from him and he instantly reached out seeking her. "Don't," he protested.

"Hold on," she said giving him a look of reassurance and feeling pleased inside with his obvious longing. "I want to show you something."

She removed herself completely from him, both physically and mentally, and he very reluctantly let her out of his hold. She scooted back only a couple of inches from him. She looked at him from her place across from him and reached out her hands to hover over him. She left them there clearly drawing attention to the space between the two of them and while none of her was touching him she reached out her mind to his.

She watched his face and waited for his reaction when he clearly felt her mind reach out and touch his while they were still physically separated. _Surprise,_ she said, her mind continuing to brush against his.

She saw the look of astonishment on his face and watched as he quickly glanced at her, making sure she really was reaching across distance to him. _Rose…when did this happen?_ he asked with a smile.

It amazed her still that there was anything that she could do to make a man like him, who had seen so much, surprised by anything she did, let alone this surprised. _It happened by accident, sort of,_ she answered _. When I walked into the TARDIS and I felt your presence for the first time my mind just leapt out at yours. I wasn't even trying to do it but it just happened_

 _Will you ever stop surprising me with what you're capable of?_

 _I certainly hope not_

She knew that he was delighted at yet another new skill she'd gained. But he did have one important question he wanted to ask in light of this new information. _Does this mean you'll want to stop doing it the human way?_

Rose was glad she could reach across the distance now. There were times it would be nice to speak to him or to touch him when physically touching wouldn't be a possibility and she was glad to have this option for those times. But she knew that the Doctor had always felt that her need for physical touch was one of the positive elements she brought into the bond they shared. Though it had technically been a weakness on her part he had never seen it that way. He was glad she had brought the special aspect of physical touch to enhance their telepathic connection. It was clear he didn't want her to stop.

She may not have to touch to make it happen but she still needed it as much as she ever did. A lot of things may have changed but one that hadn't was that she was still very human. It made their experience even better and she had no intention of letting it go. _Not a chance, s_ he said with a tongue in teeth smile.

She reached her hands out to his head and dug her fingers deep into his hair. She raked her hands back and forth and up and down several times in his mess of hair scratching her nails against his scalp so hard they left marks on his skin. _Good,_ he managed to weakly respond though how he managed to speak at all with the array of things going on inside of his mind she didn't know.

 _You think I would give up the chance of having this?_ she asked, smiling to herself as she listened to the things his mind was saying.

 _I'm glad we're on the same page_

Surprising her, he reached out quickly and took her in his arms. She was still recovering from the quick action when he pulled her lips in his own. She had been startled in the sudden shift of movement but she did not hesitate now that they were here. She reached a hand up to wrap around the back of his head pressing his lips harder against hers as her mind delved deeper into his. He felt it and took encouragement from it. With every movement he made she could feel the passion and longing behind of them. He was full on, properly snogging her. She felt at the moment that she had been waiting her whole life for this. Each motion was full of purpose like he had been planning for this forever and she realized that this had been completely worth the wait.

This was the first kiss they'd shared while their minds were connected. Rose remembered the first time that her and the Doctor had shared a significant physical experience while their minds were joined. The first time they had really indulged in the two fully at the same time she had played with his hair and he had played with hers during the second time they had ever bonded. That experience had been so stimulating she couldn't even imagine how much the heat would increase as the methods of physical touch became more intense. That first experience had, in itself, been almost overwhelming at the time and ever since then Rose had always imagined that their first kiss while connected would be an experience beyond the description of words.

She had been right. The first kiss they had shared, when he had woken up had been quick and full of passion. This one was slow and full of yearning. This was a slow burn, meant to last a while and it stoked the fire within both of them. This was the kiss she had been waiting on for so long. She hadn't exactly known all along just how much she was waiting on but now she knew it was for this. They had been waiting so that they could experience the kiss fully, sharing it both physically and mentally; it was complete as their arms and minds wrapped tightly around each other, their faces and feelings pressed together.

She could now feel everything he felt as he kissed her. She didn't just get to feel her own pleasure at the experience; she also got to feel his as well. Being able to feel the experience for them both was nearly overwhelming but in the best way possible. Their minds shared a conversation that wasn't made in words and it was the best kind of discussion that was possible. It helped them share this fully and guided them perfectly. It was all so much and even better than anything else she had ever experienced that it didn't even seem right to call it a mere kiss.

They had been separated for so long and they hadn't been as physically affectionate before their parting as most human couples were. The combination of those things and all that waiting had made this kiss time-stopping and sure to be something neither of them would ever forget. He had always told her that the combination of the physical and mental could be overwhelming and that it needed to be worked up to. She always accepted that but it was only now that she could fully appreciate what he had been talking about. She could feel him laugh when she thought that this might have done her in if they had tried it any sooner when she'd not been as strong. It was kind of funny even though she was completely serious about it.

It was hard to believe that this was the same man who at one time had worried about having a physical relationship. He had been embarrassed about his fear of a physical relationship and his lack of skill in that area but she knew now that he needn't have worried at all. She had always thought the Doctor would be better at this than he gave himself credit for and she was right; what she felt from him now was nothing but skill. Every move he made was everything she could have wanted. Through the bond he read her desire and he predicted her own movements, moving with her in perfect harmony. She wouldn't have thought it possible but this was even better than she had ever dreamed of.

She felt her longing and yearning explode as she finally got this from him and yet it seemed to grow at the same time. She hadn't even realized how much she had wanted this experience with him until it all started pouring out of her. The fire inside of her burned again brighter and hotter than ever before, encouraged by the kiss they shared. It was now the perfect competition for the Doctor's which now rose up from within him and it was beautiful to see them challenging each other. He burned without any hindrance or holding back now that she was able to withstand it. Her fire grew to a level that even rivaled the level she had felt from him. She could tell he liked the challenge; she felt pleasure in the way that he moved to keep up with her.

It felt like he could keep this pace up forever. Maybe that was his intention. She could tell it surprised him; she could feel that he hadn't expected how much he would enjoy this. His race hadn't shared in physical contact nearly as much as humans did and he didn't know how much he desired it. Now that he was fully aware he was intent on taking full advantage of it. Rose smiled to feel it all and poured even more of herself into it. Maybe he hadn't been aware how much he was waiting on and saving himself up for but in this moment she was glad. They may have waited a long time to have this but it made it all the better now that it was here.

Rose had wondered so many times why the bond and their timing had warned against them having this sooner. When they'd been separated she had been angry that it had always put them off of kissing and kept them from ever having it. During that time apart she had wished they'd not listened and done it anyway, that they had had it while they still could. But now she could see that it was right all along. She was glad that this was the first kiss they'd shared this way. She was glad that they had this experience to share now after they had been separated for so long. Never before had their passion been so strong for each other and never before would this have been any better. It was a perfect reunion. It was like all along their bond knew that they would need this, for this time, to make up for the time they had been apart.

The heat of it both inside and out made Rose never want to stop. And with the time around them slowing down to let them linger in this special moment she wondered if maybe she wouldn't have to. But it was what was underneath the fire, the thing that fueled it that made her pause. Feeling the root of it all brought tears to her eyes and reminded her to breathe again. She stopped but left her face touching his, still feeling the burn from within at the places their faces touched.

 _Take it, Rose. Take it all. It all belongs to you anyway,_ he said.

He loved her, so much. She could see it, everywhere inside of him like she'd never seen before. It was woven all throughout him, spilling into every spot within him. Everywhere she could look inside of him she saw it. Ever since the first time their minds connected she'd seen that he had loved her but this was somehow different. This was something running out and requiring action on her part. She had always been able to see it and feel it but now she thought of more. She longed to reach out and catch it, to take it as he was suggesting. She wondered if she really could. It was in such an abundance, though she knew it wasn't too much for him, she wondered if there was still some she could take.

 _Ever since the beginning I've wanted to give it to you,_ he said pausing to smile. _I never stood a chance against you_

She reached out and ran herself through those feelings of love. They were soft and glowed and easily responded to her, running to her, meant for her. She felt herself twirling among them and she delighted in the way they swirled around her. It was amazing to watch it wind itself around her and press on her to be allowed to come in. She reached out and grabbed it and found that, though it was light, it did not retreat from her or fall out of her grasp. It remained there and she pulled it into herself.

Once before she had pulled on the Doctor's guilt to take it away from him. When she had pulled that out of him it had left him to stay in her; for the most part she carried it now. In a similar way, she now pulled on his affections for her, drawing them into herself. But it had a very different result than that previous experience. When she pulled this to take it into herself, it did not leave him as the guilt had done. She was pulling his love into her but the feelings grew so they could stay in him as well as her. It wasn't long before she realized she wasn't pulling at all anymore; his feelings were flowing into her effortlessly.

She thought to stop to allow him the same experience but he halted her from it. He was in no hurry and she couldn't say she minded being allowed to let her participate in this for a little while longer. He even encouraged it on so that she would be even less resistant to put up a fight. For all she had done for him he wanted to do this for her.

She could feel the gratitude in his hearts and the way it made those affections even stronger. She could feel how much this day had meant to him. He had gotten her back. She had saved his life, had healed his mind. They had restored their bond, touched minds again, shared memories, and burned with internal fire. He treasured every aspect of this day and every facet of their time spent together. It went beyond all gratefulness he felt he could express and she stood in awe of it all.

Suddenly, the Doctor let go of her and gently pushed away from her. It was so quick that Rose was taken off guard by it and opened her eyes to look at him questioningly as he stood up. Her mind sought his out for an explanation and she nearly cried when he even withdrew that from her. She hadn't been prepared and she was embarrassed when she whimpered at the sudden lack of his presence in her. It gave her a brief feeling of loss and sadness and she wasn't sure why he was doing it this way.

He realized his mistake and was quick to try and reassure her. He smiled at her and reached out to take her hands. Her head spun a little with disorientation as he helped her stand and he kept her hands in his own. He stared at her in front of him, quiet for a moment, just taking her in. Her suspense grew and she reached out her mind, tentatively, looking for his but found something she had never felt from him

There was a barrier around his mind. She couldn't hear what he was thinking or feel what he was feeling because he'd placed a wall between them to keep her out. It was so disconcerting to feel cut off from him and she wondered how she had ever been able to endure feeling like this. There had been a time when this had been the way things always were between them. Before the bond they hadn't been unable to feel or hear what the other was experiencing. She was glad those days were behind them and she had no idea why he would want to keep himself in and her out. But she remembered back to that time before their bonding. She had always trusted him even then when she couldn't read his intentions and she trusted him still. For some reason he wanted something to be a secret and she calmed herself to wait for him to reveal it.

"Rose Tyler," he said letting out a breath and smiling nervously at her. "My fantastic Rose."

His manner was so nervous and his words so reminiscent of his former self she couldn't help but smile. "That's me," she said, teasing him with a tongue in teeth smile. She was still anxious to know where this was all going.

Though she couldn't hear it she could see that his mind was full of thoughts. He looked at her with such affection, she was surprised by it and though she longed to hear what was beneath the surface she was content for the moment just focusing on the way he looked at her with warmth.

"I love you," he said quietly but full of emotion.

She was startled by his declaration and pressed her lips together as tears sprung to her eyes. The Doctor had finally said it. He had never said those words out loud to her before. This is what he'd wanted to be a surprise and she _was_ surprised.

"I don't know why it took me so long to tell you that," he went on. "But I can tell you that I will never let another day of our existence pass without telling you that."

She smiled even as the tears were becoming more visible. "I knew it."

"I know. And I know that I have told you in other ways. But spoken words mean something too."

"Yes," she said nodding her head. "They do." They did have some amazing forms of communication between them but especially for her, human as she was, the words were still important.

"I shouldn't have kept them from you and I promise that I won't ever again.

"I'm not good at words," he admitted, then smiled. "Of course, you know that. I can tell you how much you've had an impact on my life but I'd fail miserably to express myself with words alone."

He reached out one of his hands to her and placed it on her face. The impression he left on her was so quick but it held so much. He meant to show her just how much she had changed his life and, finding that words were inadequate, he used this form of communication. Rose watched as their life together flashed quickly in her mind through his eyes.

She closed her eyes and watched as it all ran past her. She saw him as she first knew him. He was so different back then that it was hard to believe it was the same man but she remembered him. She felt him lonely, hurt, broken and closed off. She felt her come in. He opened up, he hated himself less, he found his way again, he knew his hearts again. She saw him falling in love with her. She saw it all. She saw his face change. She felt his doubt and insecurity around her come back. She saw him try to run away again. She felt him lonely again but in a different way even on that night that this began. She felt her steal that from him. She felt it all. Every day he was changed and every day he felt himself better than on the one before.

It was a beautiful story and he told it so well. Words really weren't his best mode of communication but this was different. She opened her eyes to look at him as he drew his hand back and took hers again in it. "I understand," she said breathless.

The Doctor paused and got down on one knee, his hands still holding tightly on to hers. Rose's eyes widened in wonder as she realized what was happening. "Doctor…what are you doing?" she asked even though she knew exactly what he was doing.

"I think this is the way humans do it," he said smiling and teasing before his face turned serious again. "Rose…you have changed my life completely. You've changed _me_. You've saved my life, my hearts. You have made me a better man than I could ever have hoped to become. You've already given me so much of yourself but I wonder if I could be so bold as to ask for more."

"Oh…Doctor," she exclaimed with a smile and openly crying now.

"Rose Tyler, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife, of being my bond mate, my companion for life?"

Tears covered her face but she laughed in happiness. "Yes. Doctor…yes! Of course."

He laughed himself and looked relieved, as if he had had a doubt that she might say yes.

"Doctor," she said squeezing his hands. She loved him so much; she couldn't believe how much. "I think every girl dreams of fairy tales and handsome princes. I know I did when I was little," she said shaking her head at those long ago childhood memories.

"But as I grew up, and got older…and life got harder," she said her voice cracking. She paused as she remembered the most difficult parts of her past. They were memories that the Doctor knew and carried part of with him as well. "I began to wonder if anyone would even love me. Forget princes…I forgot how to dream at all."

She smiled, forgetting a past that was dead and gone. "I certainly never would have thought to dream for a time traveling man from a different planet to come and whisk me away," she said laughing and he laughed with her. "But there you were. You gave me a chance when I had long ago given up on myself.

"This journey into the stars and into your mind has far exceeded any dreams I ever had and has satisfied all the desires of my heart. I don't know if I ever thanked you…but _thank you_ for this amazing life."

"It has all been _my_ pleasure," he said, emotion heavy in his voice.

"I love you too Doctor, so much."

"I love you."

"Kiss me," she requested. She no longer felt unsure asking him for that and he no longer felt nervous in obliging. He smiled at her as he stood and reached out his hands to take her face and mind as he kissed her.


	14. Chapter 14

Their lips met and with it their minds. The barrier the Doctor had used to keep his proposal a surprise had been cast aside and Rose plunged herself deep inside. It was the first time they'd ever initiated the bond through a kiss and it felt incredibly appropriate for this occasion. She felt herself breathe into him everything that was inside of her. In their complete joy they tumbled to the ground in a surprisingly youthful and uncharacteristic playful and giddy way.

She couldn't tell where her happiness ended and his began they were so intertwined. Their feelings were so connected and so much in agreement that she could not distinguish the two. It didn't matter. They were both overjoyed in this event. They were content and belonging in the other. They were filled with excitement and anticipation at the future ahead. Their feelings, while manifested differently, were still one in the same. She let herself feel it all without the need to separate the two because they were meant to be together. Soon, they would be closer and even more joined than they had ever been. She imagined that in the future it would become more and more difficult to distinguish the two of them apart when they were together like this. She was completely alright with that likely inseparability.

She had never felt like this. Their lights mingled in a glorious display. Both of them burned bright and steady, fueled on by their love and passion for each other. It seemed like they might go on forever like this; they certainly showed no signs of diminishing any time soon. She had never seen the orange and pink and yellow and blue of them all mixed together quite like this before and it warmed her to the very core with its heat. It was life, safety, passion, kindness, strength, loyalty and energy; everything of them all wrapped up in one. The colors moved and swirled around them almost as if they were dancing with each other. It was a beautiful visual demonstration of who they were together. She felt a thrill to actually see how tangled they were in one another. She had felt it before but it was amazing to witness it around her.

Their timeline was ahead of them. As was usually the case, she could not tell what events lay ahead of them on it. But she felt it in a way she never had before. It contained so much in it; it was so heavy and full with promise. She could feel it shifting and altering as a result of their recent engagement. Events were changing and moving but it didn't hurt. She knew that time could hurt when it was felt, that the future could be painfully heavy.

But their time didn't hurt. It was growing and that felt good. It wasn't that she thought everything ahead of them would be only happiness; she knew not everything in their future would bring them joy. There would be hard times and struggles. But everything that was coming felt so good because it was together. Whatever those events were that were ahead of them they would be facing them as a team. After being pulled apart and separated from him for months, this knowledge felt exceptionally good. Even though it was all clothed in mystery before them she felt good about what was ahead of them because it at least promised them togetherness.

 _I love you,_ she said through the mist of their mingled consciousnesses. It was bliss and the words just flowed from her; she couldn't even remember deciding to say them or even how she had said it. She only knew she had said it and that he had heard it.

She felt a shift of awe and disbelief inside of him at the phrase. It was greater than she would have expected him to react. She thought maybe it was because this phrase was still so new to him and he cherished it so much. That was true but there was something else about it, some other longing satisfied in it that caused amazement.

 _Rose_

 _Yeah?_

 _What did you say?_

 _I said 'I love you'_

 _Yes, but..._

 _What?_

 _You said it Gallifreyian_

 _I did? How did I do that?_

 _I don't know_

 _Am I speaking it now?_

 _No, it was only that phrase_

Rose was stunned for a moment. She hadn't learned any of the Doctor's language and she hadn't even known she was speaking it at the time. The words had come to her so effortlessly that she wouldn't have thought it could actually be in a different language. She didn't know those words and she would have thought she _couldn't_ have known how to say them. But the Doctor knew them and his mind was very mixed in her own at the moment.

She found she didn't care so much how it had happened. She really didn't want or need to explain it. It was marvelous and that's what she wanted to focus on. These words were inside of his mind and somehow hers had found them out and used them to better express her feelings to him. The connection between them was becoming so seamless it was hard to distinguish the two anymore. They were becoming attached in ways they didn't even realize.

 _Say it again,_ he requested _._

 _I love you,_ she said and smiled at the thought that she was speaking to him in his own language. She smiled even more when she felt how important that was to him.

 _I haven't heard anyone speak that language to me in so long. Thank you_

It meant so much to him and she was so glad to be able to give this to him. She said it several more times for him.

He pulled her into an embrace, overwhelmed by emotion from hearing her say she loved him in his own language. His hearts were pressing against hers making the bond feel even stronger as all three hearts pumped together. She held on to him as strong as she could. He really was the best at hugs; he always had been. This particular gesture had always been special to them and always would be. There always would be something extraordinary about being wrapped in each other's arms and finding themselves safe in that place.

She could feel the deepest part of him calling out to her. It was that hidden part inside of him that was behind a closed door. It had always warned her away, telling her she wasn't ready to come in. But now it beckoned her, asking her to come closer. That time it had been waiting on to permit entrance seemed to have arrived and she felt it draw her in. She came closer and closer to it. It was meant for her and no longer wanted to keep her out. She almost felt it welcome her as she reached out a hand to place on that door. It was still shut but, as she pressed herself against it, she knew it would not be for long. The whispers from the other side were louder than ever and gave her small hints of what to expect. It was such a beautiful thing and she couldn't explain what it was like to know this part of him had been saved for her.

Her own secret place was nearly ready to be opened to him as well. She had known that this place was inside of her but she hadn't thought much about it since she had discovered it. It wasn't a part of herself that she noticed often or that asked for her attention frequently. However, she was now very aware of it as a persistent longing pulled from within it. It required her attention and needed his as well. There was something great building within her and she felt it reaching out to him. She was now eager to know what lay behind it and anxious to share it with him.

As much as she had given him of her heart and mind already she felt there was even more left to give. She was receiving hints of it, soft murmurs of how close the Doctor and her could be. The potential that lay inside of her was great and she was surprised but delighted at the amount of herself that she still had to give him. She had once been embarrassed of the intimacy of this place but not now; she was drawing him close to it. What lay behind her door, the deepest part of her, belonged to him. She knew it was for him, forever. This was intended to be and was now completely right in its timing.

She began to wonder how long they were going to wait to be married. She began to wonder how long they _could_ wait until they were married. Their timeline had a pleasant urgency it had never had before and she was more than willing to oblige it this time.

A new song was playing between them. It had come to her on its own but she could hear it clearly. This was not a combination of who they were and what they sounded like on their own. Parts of them were mixing together but their songs did not. This tune was brand new; it was nothing like hers or his sounded. This song was what they sounded like together. It was their relationship in a melody and while that might seem a strange thing to experience for some, it was completely normal and wonderful for them. They listened to this new song, studying every note of it and memorizing it to themselves.

It was hard to describe what it was like and she was sure that she could never explain it accurately if she ever had to put it to words. Their joined spirits made music and what a beautiful sound it was. It was grand and beautiful. It was powerful yet gentle. It was experience and youth. She felt the wonder and fun and adventure of them both in it. It was the best of each of them together and a theme of what they were when they were together.

At first, it was just a hint. She was so focused on the joining of her and the Doctor and the newness that lay ahead of them that she barely even noticed that first indication that something might not be right. She felt uneasiness start at the farthest corners of her mind but she chose to ignore it. This moment was perfect and she wasn't going to let it be anything less than what they deserved. They had been apart for so long but now there was the promise of their being united completely to one another and she intended on only celebrating in that.

But as much as she wanted that small nagging inside of her to go away it didn't. Not only did fail to leave her, its presence grew more noticeable. It did not respond to any of her dismissing actions but instead came closer and closer to them with every passing minute, encroaching even further on their joined minds. She tried to push it away but she felt it surrounding them.

It was something cold and evil. She was puzzled by its presence. Why should anything so black come to them now when they were happier than ever? And it wasn't just dark, like the saddest and worst parts of her and the Doctor were dark; she was used that presence and the effects it had upon them both. This was complete blackness. It made her afraid in a way that nothing about this joining ever had. It caused her more fear than his darkest secret had and even more than her own terrible secret had. It even made her more troubled than she had been when she had felt the future hovering over her and the Doctor and threatening to separate them. It continued to push on her, freezing her to the core.

Whatever this was, there was no good in it at all and she knew that she had to look at it. She didn't want anything to be wrong with this moment or their decision but this wasn't going away. She turned to look upon it and anxiety filled her. She couldn't make any sense of what was happening. She didn't recognize this at all. The sadness it made her feel made her want to look away and hide from it but before she could lose her nerve and do just that she saw something very important. This thing that was coming around to encircle and entrap them was not something from either one of them. It didn't come from within either one of them and it was not their time trying to communicate with them either. It was, in fact, an entirely separate person. Someone else was there with them.

With a start and a gasp Rose opened her mouth to speak but instead a scream of agony tore from her, the likes of which had never left her lips. Her connection to the Doctor was suddenly and brutally ended. This was not the gentle and slow separating they needed when they were joined so closely but a sudden and complete breaking. She blacked out for some unknown period of time and when she awoke she found herself on the ground; she couldn't remember collapsing.

She clutched her head in her hands and gasped for air, her throat pained from her tortured yell. She opened her eyes to look around but everything was black for a few minutes as her mind spun and tried to adapt to whatever had just happened. There was so much pain, so much trauma; it was even worse than when she had been pulled through to the parallel universe and separated from the Doctor. How could anything ever be worse than that had been? Yet, this was. She felt as if everything inside of her was about to short circuit and leave her dead. Every fiber in her being hurt and she wasn't sure she would survive this. She was convinced this was the end of her until, an eternity later, she felt the pain dull, only slightly, but it was slowly on a descent. Eventually, her breathing and heart rate started to regulate and she started to calm.

She blindly reached over, searching for the Doctor. She had been so consumed by pain but the second it was no longer incapacitating she felt terrible worry for him. All this time he had been silent and she wondered if he was experiencing something as painful as she was. Her sight was slowly coming back to her and though it was marred and blurry she could see his shape lying on the ground next to her. She managed to scoot over slightly, moaning from pain as she did so, bringing her next to his side and she reached out a hand to find his chest.

"Doctor!" she cried, her voice sounding strangled. "Doctor! Are you alright?"

The Doctor was silent beside her and when her vision came back enough she could see him clearly, she could see that his eyes were closed and he wasn't moving.

"Doctor!" she cried again. She shook him slightly, thinking he'd passed out, but he didn't stir.

With extreme caution she reached out her injured mind to touch his and see how he was faring. It was the weakest touch she'd ever had out to him but it was enough. Sorrow filled her. The Doctor's mind rested in her hold but his light was gone. It wasn't just dimmed; it had been completely put out. As much as she searched she couldn't even find a flicker of him in it. The light of him was gone, no feelings came from it, there was no sound in him. She started to sob; it felt like death.

It couldn't be. With terror, she realized there was no movement under her hand which was resting directly above his left heart. She moved her other hand to rest on his right one. But there was no beating from it either.

"NO!" she cried out in pain and anger and disbelief. This wasn't happening. The Doctor didn't die; he regenerated. Why wasn't he regenerating? She looked around her quickly to try and figure out what had happened but she didn't see anyone. She needed to find a clue as to what had happened and maybe then she would know how to fix this. But she was as lost as ever.

She didn't know what had happened and her own mind was no help. It remained surprisingly solemn, almost as if it accepted this. It wasn't aching and searching like it had when she'd been separated from him in the parallel universe. It was in shock and this was worse. She beat her head with her hand in frustration a couple of times. It didn't have time to be paralyzed and she was angry that it wasn't helping figure her this out.

"Doctor…please wake up," she called simultaneously with her voice and with her mind, trying to reach him in any way that she could. "I need you. You've never left me. Please…don't go now."

He didn't move or respond in any way and her despair consumed her. She didn't know what else she could do. She laid her head against his and let the sobs shake her with full force.

She had only just started to cry when she began to feel something warm within her. It was bright and growing rapidly. At first, she thought maybe it was her own light coming from the inside of her. But she soon realized this was something new that she'd never experienced before. She was so hot it felt like a fire rising in her, burning her alive from the inside out. It was so great it felt like a powerful inferno that could consume her. She pulled away from the Doctor half expecting that she would actually burst into flames at any moment.

Even though it felt all-consuming and she was certain it was going to overtake her in some way she wasn't afraid of it. It was strange the total absence of fear she had about it. In fact, even though she had no idea what this was, she felt it was a good thing. She almost hurt with the burning of it but she knew that there was something very good about this. The power of it, the destruction of it, made her very pleased for some reason. It felt absolutely imperative that she not fight it or stop it. She didn't know why she felt so strongly that it was right to let it grow but she knew it. And she sat back and let it happen. There was an incredible potential behind that fire that was building and building as the flames spread, starting out in the core of her and moving outward.

Soon, she wasn't just sitting back and letting it happen unhindered. Soon, she was helping it along; she was encouraging it to happen. She urged it to grow in power and force. It burned and hurt and but she needed it. For some reason she knew she needed it. She was guided by some sort of instinct that she didn't know she had. It calmed her and gave her a peace about this and told her what she should do. There was incredible hope in this.

It was only when this thing within her had built up to the surface and started to pour over the edge did she understood what it was all for. She stared down at her hands in shock and awe as yellow and orange shimmery wisps of energy stared to rise from her skin. Her mouth dropped open in surprise as the fire rose from her and left her body in beautiful tendrils. Though she should be surprised, even alarmed, by what was happening to her right now she wasn't. She smiled in amazement, watching as it glided into the air like smoke and danced in the air around her. It wasn't scary; it was beautiful, it was right. Now she knew what it was for and what to do with it. She smiled at the life-giving strands of light moving slowly from the palms of her hands.

She leaned over the Doctor and placed her hands on his hearts. She pressed them firmly against him and the energy surged out of her hands and into him, wrapping tightly around his hearts. She pushed as much of it as she could into him along with all her own light and energy with it. She gave him all her love and desire and every want and need she had for him.

 _I love you,_ she whispered to his mind. Darkness came from the outside and pressed in on her. She knew she was nearly spent but she fought it off to finish this. It was only going to be a matter of seconds before she was going to lose consciousness.

"I'm sorry," she whispered as she finally collapsed to the ground beside the Doctor.


	15. Chapter 15

Rose felt something coming to her in her sleep. It was eager and impatient and tinted slightly with worry. It was a light that wove its way inside of her and coaxed her towards consciousness. It was familiar to her and she recognized the feel of it. It was calling out to her, urging her to wake up. She felt herself respond to that, wanting to be awake like it asked but she was finding it a slow and painful process at that moment. Sleep was heavy on her and part of her just wanted to move towards that and let it take her. But the other force was persistent, needed her, wanted her and would not be ignored.

With some pain she did wake up and when she opened her eyes the Doctor's were staring back at her. He was the one, of course, who had been in her head trying to reach her. She was glad for that and for the hand that was holding hers and she smiled at him. He smiled back but there was something troubled in his expression she couldn't quite place.

"Wh...what happened?" she asked in confusion.

"I could ask you the same thing," he teased gently, squeezing her hand.

"Yeah...but I don't have any answers," she said groggily, trying to push herself up into a sitting position.

He laughed softly and helped her sit up in the bed. She noticed that she was in the infirmary of the TARDIS now and it all came rushing back to her. She remembered the dark presence that had been with them and the pain and their connection being interrupted. She remembered the Doctor, his hearts no longer beating and his light no longer shining. She thought she had lost him but somehow he was here standing right in front of her.

Remembering it all, she quickly reached out and took his face in her hands stroking his cheeks with her fingers and taking a good long look at him. "I thought I had lost you," she whispered quietly, the words difficult. She felt so happy to have him here with her again but she also felt like crying when she remembered what it had felt like to lose him if only temporarily.

"I'm right here," he assured. "Right as rain," he added with a smile.

"Your light…it was completely gone. Your hearts weren't beating."

"Everything is alright now," he said soothingly. "You gave me just the jump start I needed."

"What happened to us? It felt like someone else was there."

She watched as the Doctor's smile faded. She saw a hint of anger pass over it before he could push it away. He smiled again but this time it didn't reach his eyes. "It seems that our thief of thoughts wasn't ready to give up on me quite yet."

"What do you mean?"

"While we were joined he decided he was going to try and finish what he started."

"But you weren't asleep. I thought his victims had to be asleep for him to try it."

"I think that is the only way he can actually be successful at it. But it seems he got desperate and tried it anyway. It didn't work, of course. It was much too harsh; way too much agony for a person to handle while they were conscious. That's why he needed to do it while people were unconscious and distracted by their dreams. While a person is awake, they're in too much pain to endure long enough for him to get what he wants. I guess he thought he could take a short cut but it didn't work."

The Doctor was talking about everything so casually as if they weren't discussing an event that had nearly led to his death. She couldn't believe that the person who had almost killed the Doctor once had returned to try again. "So, that's what broke off our bond…what made you…" she said, letting the words trail off. She couldn't manage to finish the sentence.

"Yes," he said taking one of her hands in his own and giving it a good squeeze. "He came after me and my thoughts but you were linked to me at the time. That's why you felt such too pain and why we were torn apart. The pain of it is too much for a person to bear; even second hand it was almost too much for you," he said looking at her with concern at the memory.

"Why didn't you regenerate?"

"The Time Lords weren't immortal. Just nearly. We die and then regenerate into a new life but there are some limits. Some things make it difficult to regenerate and some things are even too great to come back from. An injury to the mind is more complicated than an injury to the body. I don't even have a lot of experience in this area since attacks on the mind were considered such a heinous crime; they did not happen often. I guess this injury was too extensive for me to be able to focus enough to regenerate and come back from on my own."

"It was such a close call."

"Yes, it was," he said staring at her meaningfully. His eyes betrayed the way he was feeling and she knew he was thinking about how close she had come to being killed in the process as well. "It was a mistake too. Because I was conscious when he attempted his attack I now know who he is and where he is. Now I can end this," he said. His voice was angry but grave. He was eager to catch the killer and stop him hurting anyone else but he was reluctant to find out the means it might require to bring justice.

"Doctor," she started nervously, "something strange happened and I don't know what it was."

"Like what?" he asked, a serious look on his face. He looked a little nervous himself, almost as if he was worried about what she would say.

"Something happened while you were…after your hearts stopped beating. I thought you were dead and something happened to me."

"Go on," he encouraged.

"It was like a fire was inside of me, it was like a burning from inside of me. But it wasn't like anything else I've ever experienced."

"Did it hurt?"

"Yes. I was so hot and it felt so powerful like it could destroy me. And yet-"

"And yet, you weren't afraid of it," he finished.

Rose's brow furrowed in confusion, wondering how the Doctor could know that. "Right. I wasn't afraid of it."

"You probably even helped it along. You probably felt like you needed it."

"Yes. Doctor, how did you know that?"

The Doctor took her hands and smiled at her kindly. But she felt uneasy, wondering what he was about to say. "I know because I've felt it myself many times. It's brought me back to life on numerous occasions, just like it did today."

Nerves made Rose's stomach flip and flop and made her heart beat rapidly. "What are you saying?" she asked her voice starting to shake.

"Rose, it was regeneration energy."

Rose remembered those wisps of energy that had hovered out of her hands. She hadn't questioned what was going on while it was happening; she'd only calmly let some unknown instinct guide her. Somehow, she had known that those orange and yellow waves would bring life but she hadn't thought about how she had known that. How could she have forgotten? She had seen that strange glow before. She had seen it when the Doctor had regenerated in front of her eyes.

She shook her head. But this wasn't the Doctor they were talking about; this was her. This had happened to her body and she was human. Humans didn't regenerate.

"Doctor, I don't understand. Regeneration energy? That…that can't be."

The Doctor sat down on the bed beside her. She wasn't sure why but she had the overwhelming urge to cry. She wasn't sad but it felt like something big was about to happen; it felt like something significant was changing. "I'm afraid," she said quietly, breathing deeply to control the flood that was building within her.

"You don't need to be," the Doctor quietly reassured, his hands still holding hers. She was afraid but she felt a sense of peace and calm come over her. She knew the Doctor was sending it to her. But under it she could feel that he was nervous as well.

"What's wrong with me?"

"There's nothing wrong with you."

"Then why do I have regeneration energy?"

"Rose," he began. "You have felt yourself changing ever since we started bonding our minds, right?"

"Yes," she agreed hesitantly.

"The bonding has been changing your mind ever since we started it. As a human you were born with telepathic abilities but they were dormant. Your race doesn't use or exercise them. But because of the time me and you spend together, you are using them. You are growing stronger and pushing the boundaries of what you can do. That has changed your mind a lot."

"I knew that…but I didn't know it had changed me physically."

"It didn't. The bonding has changed your mind but not your body. I was aware of the mental changes and I guess I let myself become so focused on that I didn't notice that there were ways you were changing physically too."

"I don't understand."

"When you looked into the time vortex it changed you. I didn't realize it at the time. After I took it out of you and you revived safely I thought that was the end of it. When you seemed alright I didn't think it had left a lasting change on you. But I should have known it would; I should have checked more thoroughly."

Rose looked down, thinking about the Doctor's words. It took her longer than she meant it to for her to speak again.

"It's alright if you're upset about this. It's a lot to take in," he said encouragingly.

"Is that the only reason I am telepathically skilled? Am I only good at this, all these skills, because it changed me into something else?"

The Doctor looked surprised but relieved that this was what was bothering her. "No. No, not at all. That is all you. You're good at it because you're amazing. What I mean when I say that it changed you, I mean it changed you physically. Your mental strength and abilities are all your own."

She was glad to hear this. For some reason, it mattered to her that her mental strength and talents were her own. She didn't want to have to credit them to anything besides herself. She was relieved to know that she didn't have to attribute any of that to the time energy she'd taken. She was happy to know that apart from any change that might have happened to her, this she had achieved on her.

But what were the changes? "Am I…a _Time Lord_ now?" she asked after a moment's pause but she wondered if it was a ridiculous thought.

He laughed slightly but his answer was a serious one. "No. You're still very human, Rose. But not completely. You're something somewhere in between the two," he said with affection.

She gave him a puzzled look and he continued. "You _are_ still human," he reassured her again. "But there are things about you that are different than other humans. I'm sorry that I never saw it sooner; I should have. The regeneration energy is one of those things. When I woke up and realized what you had done to revive me it gave me suspicions."

"So…does that mean I can regenerate?" she asked. It felt so strange a question to ask. She couldn't believe that she was seriously asking it of herself.

"I don't think so, not like I do, exactly. I don't think you would be able to do a full regeneration into a new body. But from what I can tell you have enough of the energy in you that it could heal you if you were injured or if you got sick. Even with me today you gave me a little of that energy to restart my hearts. I think the same would be true if something were to happen to you. Like with my own, I think there would be limits to what it could to but I think it would be sufficient for almost any danger you might encounter. "

Rose couldn't quite believe it. It felt so bizarre to think about being this different. She supposed she shouldn't have expected to come away unchanged after taking the vortex into her but she just had not thought a lot about it. She hadn't felt that different after it had happened and she hadn't noticed any changes. She didn't know what to make of the fact that she had super human healing abilities now. It was peculiar to think that if she got sick or hurt that her body would heal itself from the inside with regeneration energy.

"Are there any other changes?" she asked, she managed to ask even though her head was still spinning from what the Doctor had just revealed. It was odd how calm she seemed about this and how unaffected she felt at the moment. She thought she should have some more emotions, any emotions, about this but she didn't.

The Doctor suddenly seemed uneasy about something and hesitant to tell her the rest. "What?" she asked, now feeling anxious instead of the strangely calm from a moment ago. "What is it?"

"It affected your aging."

"Affected it how?"

"It slowed it down dramatically. It slowed it so much, in fact, that it's practically nonexistent."

"I'm not aging anymore?"

"As far as my initial scans have shown it has nearly stopped."

"So…I'm going to live a lot longer?"

The Doctor smiled slightly. "I think it's safe to say that you will have a very long life, Rose."

His smile was reserved but she felt that he wasn't sad in delivering the news to her. He was holding himself back for some reason but her head was too full to figure out why.

She was quiet for a long time and it was like she couldn't process what he was saying exactly. She had almost completely stopped aging and she could now heal from nearly anything else that might try to kill her. She _was_ going to live for a very long time. She meant to speak, meant to look at him and respond to this news, but she was frozen. It was such a surprise and a shock to her.

"It's alright if you have mixed feelings about this," the Doctor said quietly after a while when she still hadn't spoken. "It's alright if you even feel negatively about it. And even if you are happy about it, it's still alright to take some time. It's a big change and I would understand if it took you a while to adjust to it."

His words seemed to wake the emotions inside of her. The dam she felt must have been inside of her holding them back now seemed to break and let them come rushing out. She started to cry and it wasn't just a little bit; she was sobbing. She found herself shaking as they flowed out of her. She'd felt so little at the start but now she felt so much and all at once.

The Doctor reached out for her alarmed at the outburst but trying to remain calm. He placed his hands on her arms and rubbed comfortingly. She was sure he meant to pull her close but she was shaking so much she didn't think he could.

"It's alright to be upset," he soothed. "There are many who would not see a long life as a blessing. This is a completely normal reaction."

He meant what he said; she knew that for a fact. It was true that many might feel they had been dealt a curse instead of a blessing and they would feel upset upon learning they were going to live for a long time. And he was honest when he said he really wouldn't hold it against her if she felt that way; he wasn't upset right now even though he thought that was how she felt. But she could also feel that he was happy about this news. He was glad that she was going to be around for a long time.

Rose started to laugh even in the midst of her tears. Her reaction was ridiculous and she knew that she must look like a basket case. But she finally understood how she was feeling. She knew why she was crying and it wasn't sadness. It wasn't sadness because it was rising as happiness inside of her. She rushed to explain herself, so that the Doctor would understand.

"I'm not upset," she said finally looking up at him with a half cry and a half laugh.

He looked as if he didn't know what to do or think or say. He gave her a quizzical look which was rare to see considering the things he saw on a daily basis and didn't even bat an eye at. "It's O.K. really. You don't need to pretend."

"No, Doctor. Really," she insisted taking several deep breaths and trying to get control of herself. "I was overwhelmed at first but it's not because I was sad."

"Rose-"

"Maybe I should be upset. Maybe I _will_ feel that way at times. By right now isn't one of them," she said drying her tears and smiling at him.

He seemed to relax a bit now. "Are you sure?"

"I'm very sure. I'm so happy."

He laughed a little and shook his head. "Humans…sometimes I think I will never understand your emotions. Crying out of happiness; what a strange thing that is."

She nodded her head and smiled at the silliness of it. "I was crying because I'm so relieved."

"Relieved about what?" he asked.

As much as she had composed herself there was waiver in her voice now and a fresh set of tears threatening her. "Relieved that you're not going to be alone."

The Doctor's face fell and he looked contemplative. He tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear and looked like he was fighting his own emotions now.

Rose hadn't realized how much she had worried about that. It wasn't until now that she realized how great a burden her mortality had been to her. They had only spoken of it once, the time they'd fought about it during Sarah Jane's visit. At that point, she had realized how affected he was by her short life and after his reaction, she had never wanted to discuss it with him again. She had felt they needed to talk about it again but the harsh words he'd used to describe her aging process had kept her from ever bringing it up again.

When they had realized they were bonded she thought about it even more. The Doctor would have even more to lose when she would die. He would have a very short time with her by Time Lord standards and then he would be the one who would have to deal with the loss of their bond forever. She had worried what that would do to him and how he would be able to move on after that.

"I know we never really talked about it," she said quietly. "But I worried about my mortality and what would happen to you. Whenever I thought about…dying, I felt guilty to think that I would be leaving you behind. I knew I would be leaving you alone to bear a great loss on your own."

The Doctor looked sad remembering the past and thoughts of losing her. "We should have talked about it. I'm sorry."

"Did you ever think about it?"

"Of course I thought about it. But I was _so_ happy when we were bonded," he said, smiling here as he remembered. "I was so happy that I could forget a lot of the sadness I had. But that fear remained; it even grew bigger when we were bonded. I wouldn't allow myself to dwell on it because if I had I wouldn't be able to appreciate what was; I'd have only feared losing it."

"So, I guess the 'Stuff of Legend' will have a long time together?" she said smiling.

He smiled back. "It certainly seems that way."

She reached out and he hugged her tight. She nuzzled her face against his shoulder and laughed and cried again but more softly this time. She didn't care anymore about the mix of them. The Doctor was alive and she was alive and they were going to have their long lives to spend together. It was a wonderful powerful thing to feel and she was happy in it.

And, if she wasn't mistaken, the Doctor might have been crying some happy tears himself.

* * *

"I can't believe this creep came back!" Jack said shaking his head.

The Doctor, Rose, Martha and Jack were all gathered in the console room. Rose and Martha sat on the jump seat while the Doctor stood and Jack walked slowly back and forth. The Doctor had just explained to Jack and Martha the most recent attack of their enemy. Of course, he was careful to leave out the personal details of what he and Rose were doing at the time it had occurred.

"Yeah, I guess he didn't intend on leaving his work unfinished," the Doctor said.

"I can't believe you almost died again," Martha said shaking her head.

"Very nearly killed us both," the Doctor said without thinking about what he was saying.

"He came after you too?" Martha asked turning to Rose. The Doctor looked over at them quickly, realizing his mistake.

"Well, no not exactly," Rose said shifting in her seat, feeling embarrassed by the question. "He came after the Doctor I just…got in the way."

"Got in the way how?" Jack asked.

"Rose and I were…uh…joined at the time," the Doctor said uncomfortably.

"Oh," Jack said a wide smile breaking out slowly across his face. "I see. Why didn't you just say so, Doc?"

"It isn't what you think," the Doctor said exasperated. "Rose and I were communicating telepathically at the time. This thief was after me but he hurt her in the process because her mind was connected to mine. But that was where he tripped up. Because I was awake when he attacked me, I was fully aware and now I know who he is."

"Who is he?" Martha asked.

"He's from the planet Crecelea. It was one of the three that I had narrowed the suspect down to based on ability alone but I didn't suspect it any more than the others because no one from that planet has ever done anything like this before."

"Have you interacted with these people before?" Rose asked.

"I did, a long time ago. Back before the war. But not much. They were very arrogant and prejudice and kept mostly to themselves. They were always highly skilled in telepathy, to a point I would say that their abilities exceeded those of my own people. But because of that they thought they were better than everyone else. They were always a very wise and academic society but they thought that gave them the right to isolate themselves from everyone else."

"Were they ever violent?"

"No. Like I said they hardly even interacted with other species. They thought most people below them, not even worthy of their time. Their greatest crimes really were pride and superiority. They were always on a quest for knowledge but I never knew any of them to steal that information from the heads of others."

"So, what we're dealing with is someone who's gone rouge?" Jack asked.

"Mostly likely, yes. It's been a long time since I've interacted with anyone from Crecelea but it's unlikely they would have changed so drastically since then. Besides, this person isn't even on Crecelea right now so it's likely he's either been exiled or run away."

"Great," Jack said clapping his hands together and looking eager. "Let's go and get this guy."

"We will. And by that I mean Rose and I will. You and Martha are going to stay here."

"Come on, Doc. There's no way I'm going sit around here while you guys go and face this guy alone."

"Yes, you are," the Doctor said firmly and seriously.

"I can help. I deal with people like this all the time."

"No you don't. Not like this. The person we're dealing with won't be fighting with weapons or physical strength. He will be fighting with his mind and I'm sorry but you are not equipped to fight him."

"Yeah but-"

"No, Jack. I'm serious," the Doctor insisted. "This guy is even more skilled than I am in telepathy. I need you and Martha to be safe and the only way that will happen is if you're away from him. I'm counting on you."

Jack looked very reluctant to agree but he eventually nodded his head.

"Are you sure you and Rose will be alright?" Martha asked with concern.

The Doctor paused for a second. Though he quickly put on a confident smile, Rose could feel that he had his doubts about it. It didn't happen very often but she could tell that he was worried about this one. But he turned to her and she could feel a shift in what he was feeling. "Together I think we'll be just fine," he said looking into her eyes as he answered Martha's question.

Rose smiled back at him. He was nervous about facing this threat but she could also feel he was gaining courage from her. He would have been even more anxious about this but some of that worry left him when he thought about having her by his side. She could feel that he doubted his ability to conquer this person with his own strength alone. But with her he knew he was stronger. He believed that together they would be powerful enough to win the fight.

She nodded her head slightly and silently joined the Doctor's side in this fight. "We have to end this," Rose said with determination as she turned to Jack and Martha. "He can't be allowed to continue this."

"But just in case," the Doctor said speaking up, his words directed at Jack. "If we don't return soon, you know what to do. You aren't to come after us," the Doctor said, the last sentence so quietly that it was almost impossible for anyone besides Jack to hear.

Jack's face was grave and serious but he nodded his head. "I understand."

"Good," the Doctor said, grateful. Rose could feel the relief he felt in knowing that least Jack and Martha's safety was guaranteed.

He took a deep breath and turned towards her. "You ready?"

"I'm ready," she said getting up and standing next to him.

Together they walked slowly to the doors of TARDIS leaving Jack and Martha behind them. But before the Doctor opened the door he turned suddenly to her. "You don't have to do this," he said urgently and quietly. She could tell he hoped to get her to stay behind. This was going to be dangerous and he was worried about her.

"Don't be daft," she said smiling at him. "We're the 'Stuff a Legend' together. Not separate. I'm sorry, Doctor, but you don't get to keep all of the fame for yourself anymore."

He smiled sheepishly and nodded slightly. Of course, he had known that wouldn't work; they didn't do anything on their own anymore. They were a team, now more than ever, and she was never going to leave him. "I'm relieved to hear that."

He held out his hand to her just as he always had and just as he always would. She gladly took it and held on. They each took a deep breath, strengthened by the hand in theirs and walked out to face one of their greatest enemies.


	16. Chapter 16

"Well, this wasn't what I was expecting," Rose said as she and the Doctor exited the TARDIS.

"What you were expecting?"

"I don't know exactly. Just… not this."

The TARDIS had landed on a small stone porch hanging off the second story of a large old fashioned house. The sun was shining bright and warm and the sky was blue and clear above them. Below and beyond them were fields of green grass and full trees as far as her eye could see. It was beautiful and peaceful.

And yet… This was not a place of solitude like the planet the Doctor had taken her to for their bonding. This was isolation and, though it was a pleasant enough setting, she could practically feel the bitter difference.

Beside the TARDIS was an open set of French doors leading into the house. The Doctor and Rose silently made their way through them and found themselves in a room that could be described as a study or small personal library. There was a large desk near the doors, which was overflowing with papers and books. The walls of the room were lined with built in bookshelves which were all packed to overflowing except for the small stretch of wall that had a fireplace in it. There wasn't a fire burning in it at the moment and the two chairs on either side of the place were empty. The room, though aged, was well taken care of. It was devoid of dust and grime, making it obvious that someone was staying here. They both listened for the sound of the occupant but the only sound they could hear was the gentle rustling of papers on the desk as the wind slowly blew through the doors.

"This just doesn't feel right," Rose finally remarked quietly.

"Well, considering how completely not right this whole situation is, I suppose that is to be expected," the Doctor said, his voice tinted with concern.

But she _hadn't_ expected it. She had thought this place would be as cold and sinister looking as the mind of the person they knew lived here. She knew it was probably silly to expect such a predictable setting but she had. The feel of that intruder's mind was unforgettable and difficult to get past and she couldn't seem to reconcile the comfortable setting she was seeing with the memories of the darkness and evil she had felt. It was so terrible and it had been inside their heads with them...

At that moment she felt a warm familiar brush on her mind. She looked over at the Doctor and he was looking at her. She smiled. "Thanks."

"Of course," he said smiling back at her.

The near silence of the room was interrupted by the sound of footsteps coming through the door. The Doctor and Rose turned to find a man walking from the hallway through the door into the room, an open book in his hand and a look of surprise on his face when he spotted them.

 _Hello, Doctor,_ the man greeted after a pause.

Both the Doctor and Rose heard the voice of the man in their minds. Rose almost jumped at the sound of it in her head and she was glad she was able to stop herself before she did. The sound of anyone's voice beside the Doctor's inside of her head was completely foreign to her. The sound of anyone's voice in her head who had not been invited there would be unwelcome. But the sound of this particular man's voice in her head made her mind crawl. This was their enemy.

She watched as the man approached them and she couldn't help but feel a rush of emotions not all of which she was proud of. She had never felt such fury and loathing against any person in her whole life. This was the man who had gone into the Doctor's mind and took it without any regard for his life. He was the one who had almost stolen the Doctor from her just as she had gotten him back. If this man would have had his way he would now be in possession of all the Doctor's thoughts and memories and the Doctor would be dead.

She'd been angry before but she hadn't realized how small those feelings of anger had been until this moment when they flared tenfold. Actually seeing the face of the person who had almost taken everything away from her made her anger grow to new heights. Before, she'd been so focused on the Doctor and saving him and healing him. Things had been too dire to dwell on fury. But now, she had the time to feel it and she did. She felt it growing and moving into hatred for this man who had no regard for anyone else's life.

She felt the Doctor squeeze her hand and she knew what he was saying. He could feel what she was feeling and he was encouraging her to calm it. She knew her anger could get to a dangerous level if she let in continue to grow and she knew she needed to keep from getting too emotional over this. She was glad for the reminder and the grounding he gave her. He had certainly been in the company of murderous enemies many times and he of all people knew the consequences of unchecked anger.

Their enemy approached them but stopped standing several feet away from them. Obviously, his personal bubble was much larger than that of humans but Rose was fine with that. Having this man's voice in her head and his eyes focused on them was more than enough contact for her to feel comfortable with. Besides, he didn't have to get physically close to them to cause any damage and remembering that made Rose feel anxious again.

His eyes were silver and incredibly piercing as they stared at her and the Doctor. Though hidden behind a set of round spectacles, they bore into her so much she half expected them to slice right into her. It felt as if he could read her very soul. Maybe he could. His hair was a light blonde, so light that it was almost white and his skin was very pale. He looked old in some way but there was not a wrinkle or blemish on his face, making it difficult for her to guess at his age. It looked that time had left its mark on his expression but not on his body.

She felt unnerved by his look but it soon seemed to her as if he didn't even recognize her presence there. He was looking at them both but it was the Doctor's mind she felt him reach out to. Rose could feel as their adversary reached his mind to the Doctor's searching it out. She was terribly alarmed by this but the Doctor didn't seem to be. At least he wasn't _yet_. She could feel the strained patience the Doctor was exercising as the man acquainted himself with the his mind. Rose was sure this was probably normal for telepaths, like a kind of greeting, but she didn't like it. If the person involved hadn't been a known enemy then she didn't think it would bother her that much. She was possessive of the Doctor's mind as her own but she wasn't selfish. But the person involved had proved himself to be a danger, to have no regard for the safety or care of the Doctor's mind and that made this feel completely wrong.

The Doctor was diplomatic and tried to handle things in the most peaceable way he could. So, he was willing to accommodate their enemy even though a proper greeting was not what he deserved. But it was Rose who could not stand for it to go on any longer. She didn't trust him, obviously, and everything she felt from him now made her sick. There was only evil and bad intention and she didn't trust where this was going to go.

Finally, she was the one to send him away. She pushed him out and away from the Doctor's mind and wrapped her own around him. She pulled on all of her own strength to make her mind a strong wall to keep their enemy out. She surprised herself with the action, having never done anything of the sort. But just like all her abilities before, when she needed it she found herself capable of it. The Doctor was also surprised. She worried for a moment that he wouldn't like that she had stepped in and she wondered if she had possibly made the situation worse. But then she felt that he was impressed and not at all angry by her possessiveness. Though he was composed on the outside she could feel the inner smile he was giving her because of her actions.

Their thief still didn't acknowledge Rose's presence. He didn't appear to realize her abilities. He seemed to think it was the Doctor who had sent him away. Rose figured this was a good thing. He underestimated her and she felt that could probably work in their favor. She kept silent for the moment and let him believe that the Doctor was the only one with skill in this area. The Doctor didn't feel the need to dispute this assumption either.

The man smiled at the subtle but clear brush off but there was something evil underneath it. It was a slight feeling but it was clearly there and Rose was glad her hand was already safely in the Doctor's; if it hadn't she would have had to reach for it now even though doing so would have betrayed the nervousness she felt. It had always been her experience that silent enemies were the most dangerous and this man was completely silent for several seconds after he'd been cast out of the Doctor's mind.

He had greeted the Doctor so casually but when the Doctor spoke his voice was strained. "Ira."

 _Aw, I see you've changed to calling me by name,_ Ira said, continuing to speak telepathically as if vocal words were below him. _I rather liked 'The Thief.' It was a bit simplistic, the Time Lords always were so fond of little titles, but I liked it._

Ira casually walked into the room and sat down in one of the chairs by the fireplace. He pointed towards the chair opposite of him offering it to the Doctor. He gave Ira an incredulous look, obviously refusing the offer, to which Ira only shrugged his shoulders. He then opened the book in his hands, looked down at it and began reading as if they weren't there at all.

The Doctor and Rose exchanged a brief, confused look. They were both unsure of what to do for a moment. They were surprised by Ira's clear indifference at their presence here. Finally, the Doctor cleared his throat loudly and said "Excuse me," annoyance clearly in his voice at being ignored.

 _I hope this isn't the part where you hoped we would have some sort of show down or something,_ Ira said casually while still skimming over the pages of the book in front of him, _where I reveal some evil plot and you tell me I have to stop. That would be disappointingly predictable_

Rose knew that actually was what the Doctor had been expecting, at least in some part. Neither had expected their enemy to be so disinterested that he didn't even seem to want to speak with them. But the Doctor ignored the taunt in Ira's words and pressed on to what he had come here to say. "People have died, been murdered by you. You have killed at least five humans and who only knows how many other people from different planets and that is something you _are_ going to answer for."

Ira didn't even try and deny the Doctor's accusation. His own actions and being found out about them didn't seem to bother him in the least. Instead, he looked up surprise on his face. _You're not really here about that are you? You're not really going to bother yourself so much for a few humans?_

"I would bother myself with any single life that was preyed upon and attacked by another," the Doctor said fervently.

 _Oh yeah, that's right. You're the 'defender of the universe and the people' and all that nonsense,_ he said with sarcasm. _You're the judge, getting to hand out justice as you see fit. And I suppose that's why you've come here isn't it? To explain the rules and how I broke them and make me stop,_ Ira mocked.

"That is _exactly_ why I'm here," the Doctor answered seriously.

 _In case you haven't noticed Doctor, the Time Lords aren't in charge anymore. Of course, they were never really in charge in my opinion. So, you're free to say whatever you like but you're alone._

Rose's emotional and impulsive human nature blazed within her. She wanted to tell Ira that even if the Time Lords were gone the Doctor was _not_ alone. He had practically an army of friends and supporters who would stand with him whenever he would need them. Not to mention, he had her completely. But the Doctor sensed this starting up in her and gave her an internal nudge not to speak it. Ira's attention was still not on Rose and he wanted to keep it that way.

The Doctor already knew what he was going to say, his words a surprise. "So are you."

 _The Crecelians are alive and well_ , Ira replied pleasantly with a shake of his head.

"Yes, but they're not here. Hmm, why is that?"

 _I don't need a traveling companion as you do. I'm free to come and go wherever I please_

"Yes, but you shouldn't _want_ to. I've never known a Crecelian to think a planet or people good enough to trouble themselves with leaving their own. Why should you decide to leave when no one else among your people does?"

 _You might not want to talk in such a haughty tone as if you know everything about us. It may interest you and that large ego of yours to know that it was a collective decision to leave for a time. We decided on it out of a temporary necessity_

"Oh and I suppose that the murders were a collective decision as well? Made out of necessity, of course," the Doctor said, his words with heavy sarcasm.

 _Actually, the acquiring of information_ was _decided upon by many as necessary_ , Ira said with far too much pleasure.

"'Acquire information'? I like how you've manipulated the words around to try and make it like it wasn't murder," he mocked. "No, I don't believe that. I've never known a Crecelian to be a murderer. A bit stuck-up and full of themselves, yes. But a murderer? No."

 _Well, that's where you would be wrong, not surprisingly. We had to turn to these means in order to preserve our species_

"Oh, really?" the Doctor asked skeptically. "Well, I've certainly heard that one before but I suppose this time it's actually 'true.'"

 _Yes, as a matter of fact it is. We had a terrible epidemic on_ _Crecelea. Within two weeks a fourth of our population was dead. We had no idea what was causing it or how to cure it_

"And so you just stole the information you needed?"

 _Don't aim your judgment at me, Doctor. There was no time for research. At that rate our entire population would have been gone in a matter of two months_

"You can almost explain away any action in the name of self-preservation," the Doctor said with a disgusted shake of his head. "But that doesn't make it right. But because you deemed it 'justifiable' I suppose you have no guilt about what you did?"

 _No, I don't. We did what we had to in order to solve our problem. Just because you were willing to sacrifice your own people doesn't mean that others feel the same way. It saved us so I believe that it was worth whatever steps we had to take. Everyone agreed our actions were necessary  
_

Rose could feel the anger burning in the Doctor, could even see hints of it on the outside now. There was a storm within but somehow he managed to calm it and keep it mostly contained. There were so many things wrong with what Ira had said and Rose knew there was so much the Doctor wanted to argue against him. But he voiced a different thought instead. "If all of that is true, and you will forgive me if I have my doubts, then where are they?"

 _What do you mean?_

"You said everyone agreed to your actions and deemed them necessary. And yet, they isolated you here. So, something must have changed."

 _They haven't isolated me here. I chose to come_

"But they did take action against you didn't they? Your people just don't choose to relocate. So, you must have had a very good reason for 'choosing' it." The Doctor's emphasis on the word showed he did not believe that leaving had been Ira's desire at all.

"The way I see it," he said continuing on, "you decided you didn't want to stop even after the epidemic had passed. The desire for information was too great. They all agreed to stop stealing thoughts but you refused. You got greedy."

 _You're wrong again. But even if you weren't it's no concern of yours_

He said it indifferently but Rose could feel a bit of anger from Ira. The Doctor was on the right track and Ira didn't like it.

"You came to my Earth and you threatened the people I like. You tried to steal my mind and all that I am. So, it is _every_ concern of mine."

 _I grow tired of this conversation,_ Ira said with a sigh.

"Yeah, me too," the Doctor replied, no longer trying to hide his anger or irritation anymore. "So here is what it all comes down to: you _will_ stop your attacks."

Ira laughed which only made the Doctor angrier by the moment. This man killed people without even thinking about it and now he treated it all as if it were a joke. _Doctor, it's been fun talking to you and all but I have better things to do than argue with a washed up Time Lord_

"The killing _will_ stop."

 _You get no say in how I will conduct myself and you don't have the power enough stop me._ _Even at their best, the Time Lords were no competition for us. And you are far from being even at peak ability for your own species_

"You know what? You're right; I _can't_ stop you," the Doctor said with a casual shrug of his shoulders. "But what you aren't taking into account is that I'm not alone."

Rose had been confused about where the Doctor was going but as he finished his statement she felt a burst of nerves. If he thought he couldn't defeat this man on his own he surely didn't think she was capable of it. But she felt him reach out and give her heart a touch of reassurance and she felt herself stand a little taller and feel more confident.

Ira gave the Doctor a questioning look. _What? You aren't talking about her?_ he said, nodding his head towards Rose.

"That is exactly what I'm talking about."

 _If I'm not intimidated by you, Doctor, then what makes you think I would ever be intimidated by her? She's only human,_ Ira said, his tone making it quite clear how little respect he had for her species.

The Doctor smiled. "Is she? Is she really _only_ human?" he teased.

The next second Rose felt an invasion on her mind as Ira reached out to touch her. He was only just on the surface of her mind, just looking at the appearance of it, but she didn't like it one bit. This was a place she only wanted the Doctor to be, where she would only ever invite those she loved the most. Even though it was only a glance, no one but the Doctor had seen her mind and Ira was the last person she wanted to see any part of her. But she forced herself to stand her ground and allow it as the Doctor had done. But she also prepared to fight back at any moment if the need arose.

Finally, to her great relief, Ira pulled back and looked at her curiously. _She is human…but not entirely,_ he said smiling. _That_ is _interesting, I'll admit. But she still is human, a race with untrained telepathic abilities so she is of no threat to me_

"She may have started out that way but she is as far from being untrained as you can be, I'm sure you'll have to admit."

 _You two put on a good show I'll give you that,_ he said smiling deviously. _But just because you've trained her to be your little play thing doesn't mean she has any real skill. Anyone can be led along_

Rose blushed and burned with anger. She couldn't believe that their private time had been invaded like this. She hadn't known that her and the Doctor weren't alone in their minds until the very end, right before Ira had tried to take the Doctor's mind for the second time. But now she knew he had been there for much longer than either of them had realized. Quite possibly, he had been there during their entire time of reuniting. She had thought the Doctor had escaped him when he'd awoken from the dream but maybe Ira had just been lying in wait the whole time. Thinking of all that had passed between her and the Doctor made her angry because that was _their_ time. It was sacred and meant only for them; no one else should ever have been a part of it in any way.

She had thought that Ira assumed she had no telepathic abilities but he had known it all along. He just hadn't spoken to her because he thought she held no skill, that even though she could do telepathy that she was still beneath him. She was not affronted at his insult, knowing it was completely unfounded, but she took great offense at their intimate time being intruded upon as it had.

The Doctor, however, took issue with the insults as well. Rose could feel that he was angry about both the invasion on their bonding and the degrading way Ira looked at Rose. When he spoke again there was anger in his voice. He was still more contained on the outside than he felt on the inside but there was now a hint of the storm within.

"You say she's no threat to you but she's already defeated you twice."

 _In what way?_ Ira asked with a laugh.

"She's the one who woke me from that dream you trapped me in and she's the one who revived me when your second attempt nearly ended my life. So, before you underestimate her so much you might want to stop and realize that she has done what no one has ever been able to do to you."

Now Ira looked at them with his own anger. This was obviously news to him and unwelcome news at that. He hadn't expected the Doctor to say that and he didn't like it either. Rose could see that it bothered him greatly, the idea that a human could overcome him but he was doing his best not to let on to it.

 _I highly doubt that_

"Well, maybe you won't after I tell you a story," the Doctor said letting go of Rose's hand and walking around slowly. He was gaining speed and energy for whatever it was he was about to say.

"You want to hear a story?" he continued. "Yeah, of course you do. Right! Soooo, you were wondering how she got to be the way that she is, completely human and yet something else too. Well, I'll tell you." The Doctor had been babbling along in his happy and carefree manner but here he paused and looked with intention at their enemy. "She looked into the time vortex. Even better-she took it into her head…and she survived."

It was only slightly seen on the outside but the Doctor's words had an effect. Ira took a moment as they sank in and composed himself before he smiled at Rose. _Well, that is impressive. Seems I'm not the only one who likes a bit of power._

Rose smiled. He'd like to think they were the same. He thought that here he could find a weakness in their defense by making it seem like what they had done was same. But she hadn't taken the time vortex for power. She hadn't even realized what she was doing.

The Doctor also found it humorous. "See, that's where you're wrong. She didn't seek it for her own personal gain or from her own greed, no. It wasn't for herself at all. She had all the power that a person could ever hope for at her fingertips and the only reason she wanted it was to save someone she loved."

The Doctor paused here and looked over at Rose taking her hand again. "Because you see _that's_ humanity. That's the race that you've been destroying without any regard," he spat out at Ira his anger building. "You may have stolen the facts from their minds but you know nothing about them. They aren't a species that survives on cold reason and knowledge; they are a species guided by their hearts."

Ira looked at the Doctor and sneered. _That's all very touching, Doctor, but I'm not guided by romantics like you are. Look at how far you've come. I can't imagine what the Time Lords would say to see the bleeding heart you've become. You're practically human_

"I'll take that as a compliment."

 _You shouldn't. Those emotions nearly killed you_

"Those emotions are the only reason I've alive."

 _They made it so easy to conquer you. You were so heartsick and broken; it was pathetic. You are completely ruled by those disgusting emotions_

The Doctor paused for one heavy long moment before he spoke. "A scenario that you yourself are quite familiar with."

This was not what Rose had expected the Doctor to say. It surprised her and she wasn't sure where this was going now.

 _How could I possibly?_ Ira asked, but there was something in the way he said it that made Rose think he knew exactly what the Doctor was speaking of.

"See none of this quite makes sense."

 _I'm not surprised that you're so confused,_ Ira said, losing interest again and trying to turn back to his book.

"Oh, I'm not confused. I understand it all perfectly. And you know what I think?" the Doctor asked.

 _I don't really care_ , Ira said in a tired voice.

The Doctor ignored the comment and went on. "I think all of this wasn't about information at all. I had assumed that this was about knowledge or power. But I think it was about something else entirely."

 _Think what you will,_ Ira said with an air of indifference like the subject didn't interest him in the least. But there was a hint of something in his eye that told Rose the Doctor had definitely struck a nerve.

Ira didn't ask why the Doctor thought that; he didn't want the Doctor to explain. But regardless of what he wanted the Doctor was going to anyway. He smiled as he said, "I think you liked it. I think you enjoyed being inside of someone else's head. You liked experiencing them; how they felt, what they felt. It was personal to you. It was _emotional_ ," the Doctor sneered, emphasis on the last word because he knew the negative connotation it carried for Crecelians.

Ira stood up and with sudden speed came over to stand in front of them. Rose braced herself against the distinct feelings of anger rising inside of him. She prepared for the revenge and the fight she felt coming. In a calm tone, that was so still it imparted fear he replied, _How could you possibly have such a_ stupid _idea?_

"Because of the humans," the Doctor answered with more ease than Rose knew he felt at the moment. He felt the danger too but he would not show it. "Why else would you pick them? Not for information. No. Your people wouldn't consider even the smartest among them to come close to the dumbest among you. But emotional? _That_ they definitely are."

Now that the Doctor had said it Rose could so clearly see it. She could feel strong residual emotions from Ira as his past was surely replaying itself in his mind. He hid the images from them but his feelings he took for granted and guarded much less. In this area she had an advantage. She was the master of the heart and what she felt in his was more than enough to help her understand what had happened.

Just as Ira was about to speak, the Doctor rushed in and cut him off. He knew he had a lead and he was taking advantage of it. "You must admit it's intoxicating," he said, grinning larger than ever. "To walk among someone's mind, to touch their heart, to lose yourself in them. It feels great. It would be hard to turn away from that."

The Doctor spoke from a place of understanding. He knew what it was to have to walk away from telepathic touch. He would admit that the struggle was a difficult one. But as hard as it had been he had done it. There was understanding in his words but there was judgment as well. He had denied himself in order to do what was right. Even when he had pursued it again it wasn't without much thought and consideration and it certainly hadn't been without permission and relationship.

 _That was not what it was about for us_ , Ira replied with such coolness it almost made Rose shiver.

"Oh, I know that," the Doctor said, nodding his head in agreement. "No, that isn't what it is about for Crecelians. But that is exactly what it is about for _you_."

Rose knew, she felt, how right the Doctor was. Ira had once been a sensitive person, more emotional and feeling than others of his kind. More than it was acceptable to be. Maybe he hadn't even known it until the plague. Or maybe he'd known but had been in denial of his true self. Whatever the case, the plague and their answer for solving it had been the event to send him over the edge to a place from which he couldn't return.

For the Crecelians, telepathy was for communication, for relaying information. It wasn't emotional or personal. There was no intimacy of relationship to be gained from it. It was tragic. Theirs was a cold and rational society and an especially hard one for someone like Ira to find himself in.

Surely, as he glimpsed into the minds and in turn the hearts of different species he'd found much different kinds of spirits than the ones he had been around his whole life. The Crecelians had always isolated themselves from other species but their dire situation had not only put them in contact with other peoples but also into the deepest part of them. It must have been an eye opener to see other species who had been made for relationships. This was what he had always desired but couldn't have among his own people. It was a temptation and he hadn't resisted it.

He also couldn't give it up. Coming back to his own people he would find no sympathy or understanding or any acceptable outlet for such desires. It was truly a dreadful place to find oneself in. What a terrible longing to have with no hope of satisfying. Rose could easily imagine what that would feel like. Especially with her and the Doctor's recent separation so fresh in her mind, Rose could see how both she and the Doctor might have found themselves in such a lonely place.

The strangest thing was, Rose could actually understand Ira, for a moment at least. Her and the Doctor had a sort of forbidden connection themselves. Rose was a human, a race that didn't practice telepathy at all. And even the Doctor whose people did share in telepathic relationships hadn't shared them to the deeply emotional extent that he and Rose shared. They had created what they had wanted and longed for. The melding of their differences had created a kind of relationship that was completely new.

It was all too easy to imagine how they might have ended up in a position similar to Ira's if they hadn't been reunited. Rose began to really wonder what would have happened to her and the Doctor if they had spent the rest of their lives apart. Eight months away from each other had felt like forever but it wasn't that long in the grand scheme of things. Would she have become cold and hard in an effort to protect herself from all she felt? Would she have found the longings of her mind too tempting to ignore and taken action to relieve them? If she had, she could have ended up exactly like him and the idea terrified her. It was a thought she knew she'd never be able to forget.

But she could feel no sympathy for Ira and what he'd gone through. He'd allowed his temptation to control him, his sadness to transform him. He selfishly took what he wanted without consent, without the forming of relationship. He'd become hard and unfeeling about anyone but himself. He'd isolated himself from a world that didn't care for him and allowed any good or redeemable parts of him to die away. Rose could not understand or tolerate that. While she could imagine how painful a situation it had been, she knew she could never, would never, become what he had.

There was a no hope for him. He was beyond the point of no return. She could sense the sickening feeling of insincerity in his words and knew that there was only one reason he was even still talking to them: He intended on finishing what he'd started. He meant to have the Doctor for good this time. He would not be interrupted or stopped. Of all the possible outcomes she could see that lay in front of them none of them included a scenario where all three of them walked away from this.

She realized what was going to occur exactly one second before it happened. With lightening quick reflexes she threw up a mental shield around her and the Doctor just as Ira attempted to strike them. Rose was surprised at her own action, not even realizing what she was doing until it had been done. It must have been a defense mechanism from that not completely human part of her. Someone with telepathic abilities would need to be able to protect themselves in this way and she found herself doing this on instinct.

She may have just barely beaten the Doctor in realizing what Ira would do and protecting them from it but she was grateful when he joined her, both of them using their combined power to protect their minds. Ira's hit was so powerful she knew she wouldn't have been able to protect them both for very long. He was very strong but against the two of them combined he really would be no match.

Ira smiled deviously at them but she could feel the hatred in the undercurrent of what he was feeling. For him, and everything he had faced in his past, they were nothing more than a vivid representation of everything he had wanted and yet had been deprived of. She could feel how much he despised them.

 _Well, Doctor, you were right about one thing; she_ is _good,_ he smirked, his gaze focused on Rose, feelings of malice and dark intention in his tone.

Rose understood now that Ira wouldn't just try to finish what he had started with the Doctor; he was going to try and have her mind too.

The Doctor also knew it and that was the moment he had had enough. He didn't mind trying to reason with Ira, even going so far as to taunt and tease him, when he had been threatening the Doctor alone. But the second he even suggested that he would try to do the same to Rose, the Doctor was through with reason. She felt as a deep protectiveness and possessiveness filled the Doctor and a determination that nothing like that would ever happen.

It didn't even matter whether the Doctor had wanted to reason with Ira or not; it was clear that he was already too far gone. Rose got a flash of terrible things. She saw a desire that would never be satisfied and a growing disregard for life. She saw Ira taking and taking. She saw many more people who would suffer because of him. She saw him steal their minds away and she saw their loved ones devastated by grief and loss. She didn't know how many casualties she witnessed but it spanned the sky, affecting many planets.

Rose was new to witnessing the future. It was something she'd not had a lot of practice at but she did not need a lot experience to know that these events were fixed. She wasn't sure how she knew it for certain but she knew that, unless there was a drastic intervention, these things _would_ happen. Ira would not stop and there would be a great loss of life. And he planned on starting with them. The Doctor had wanted to reason with him and give him a chance, just as the Doctor always wanted. But Ira didn't want that chance. He wasn't going to change his mind and he wasn't going to give up on the Doctor either.

His mind was so desensitized, so hard and unmovable. Rose could feel how much that grieved the Doctor. This was so much like what he'd been through with his own people it was painful to him. This man had so much power but no respect for it. Someone who had this much power but no filter on it couldn't be left to their own devices. They had to be stopped. As long as there was a hope of persuasion it wouldn't come to this but they were both quite aware that that hope was gone.

Rose glanced over at the Doctor and she found him already looking gravely at her. In one look she knew he knew all of that too. She could see from the sadness in his eyes that he saw everything she did and he felt a slight feeling of failure; he didn't want it to come to this and he regretted that this was their only option. He was sorrowful but he also looked resolute and sure of what must happen next. Without a word or exchange of thought they both knew what they had to do and they were both in agreement about it.

His hand tightened around hers and held on securely as he always did and she was grateful for it. She took comfort in it as they joined their minds together and prepared for what they had to do.


	17. Chapter 17

The Doctor and Rose walked back to the TARDIS in silence. Rose walked ahead of him and he watched her in concern. She hadn't spoken since it had happened and he wasn't sure how she would be feeling. She seemed to be in shock so he couldn't sense much coming from her.

She got to the TARDIS first but she didn't go in. She placed a hand on the door but she just stood there frozen. If she was feeling at all the way he was then she wasn't looking forward to facing anyone else. They hadn't dealt with their actions yet themselves and he knew it was hard to face others when you hadn't faced yourself.

She was still silent when he reached her. She was breathing hard and gripped the door handle in her hand until her knuckles were white. He placed a hand on her shoulder and he felt her crumble. She began to cry and soon she was sobbing. She turned her back to the TARDIS and leaned against it as she fell to the ground. The Doctor sat down next to her and pulled her head to his chest, holding her for both their sakes.

He reached out his mind just to check that she was alright. Physically and mentally he found her unharmed from their battle. Emotionally, he found her as he expected. There she didn't fare as well and hadn't been left unscathed. He felt her full of guilt and the sorrow that was brought on by it. He could feel the shame she was feeling. It was all just as he knew it would be. It was just as he always felt it, just as he now felt it.

The Doctor had always hoped to protect Rose from this. He had never wanted her to know the pain of this. He had, at one time, never even wanted her to know this part of himself. He had never wanted her to know the things he'd done and feel the weight of those actions on herself. Because of the bonding she had come to know that about him. She had seen his past and now held part of his guilt from it in herself. But part of him had hoped that she still would never know the pain of this on her own. He had tried to hope that she would never personally know the guilt of delivering justice. It had felt bad enough to lay his guilt on her but now, despite his longings, she had her own.

Of course, he knew it must be this way. They were a team now, like she had said. They were bonded and soon would completely know each other. They couldn't be separate in anything anymore. From here on out he could never separate her from himself. Even in this. The thing he'd always wished to hide from her she had now participated in herself. His beautiful Rose now had blood on her own hands.

He hated that it had come to this. He always hated it when he had to intervene in this way. It always hurt and this time was no exception for either of them.

"I never knew…Doctor, I never knew," she said through her cries, shaking her head.

He held her tighter and didn't hold himself back from her. They might have be silent in mind but there was comfort in just feeling they shared the same emotions. "I know," he whispered. "It's alright."

"You told me what it was like for you. Even after you showed me, even when I could feel it for myself, I still never really understood what it was like for you."

"I know. I never wanted you to," he said, clutching her even closer to himself.

"I never knew the choices you had to make…I'm sorry I never realized."

"You don't need to be sorry about that."

"Doctor…why did he do it? Why did he have to do it?" she asked shaking her head.

"I don't know," he answered. "I really don't know. I can say it was greed and selfishness. I guess that's the answer but I still don't understand it. It doesn't make any sense to me either."

"I can't imagine how he could do this to people who were defenseless. Whose minds were open and vulnerable, who didn't even know what they were capable of."

The Doctor let out a sad sigh. "I don't either."

"And still…" Rose started but she began to cry again. "I don't know why I'm so sad. He was so terrible and we tried to get him to stop. We gave him every chance. He even struck first; he attacked _us_. So...why do I feel so awful?"

The Doctor pulled back so he could look at her now his hands securely on her shoulders. "That's the way you're supposed to feel. Don't _ever_ stop yourself feeling that way. You have to let yourself feel the sadness and guilt."

She hung her head, still crying and he knew how much it hurt. He reached out and touched her heart, stirring it with his touch to keep it from dulling. He wanted her to let herself remain open. As much as he wanted to let her hide from her feelings and numb the pain he knew he couldn't. He was tempted, he was _so_ tempted, to let her go, to try and protect her now, in any way he could. But he knew he couldn't. She was going to live a long time now and this would sadly not be the only time they would face this.

She cried even harder and he almost lost his nerve but somehow he remained strong enough. "I know it's hard," he whispered as he leaned in close to her ear. "But you have to remember this; you have to remember what we did. You have to remember him and why you did it. You have to remember how you feel."

"But…I feel…" she stuttered and she sounded almost like she was about to be sick.

"How do you feel?"

"You know," she moaned.

"Tell me though. Please."

The Doctor realized he had tears streaming down his face as he watched her struggle. It killed him to be so harsh with her this time. If he hadn't done so many things in his own past that he regretted, if he hadn't come so close to that edge of turning away from good, he'd have never had the strength for it. But because of his mistakes he knew this time had to matter or all the others wouldn't. If she didn't understand the cost of it now she might never learn. And that was a fate he could never accept for her.

"I feel so sad…so guilty."

"Why?"

"Because I keep hearing his screams…because he's…he's…"

"He's what?"

"Doctor," she begged. She wanted him to let her off the hook. She didn't want to have to say it out loud. He wanted to do that for her; he wanted it so badly. But they couldn't let themselves feel like the victims here.

"He's what, Rose? Say it."

"I don't want to," she pleaded, hoping he wouldn't make her.

"You must."

"He's dead," she whimpered. "And we did it."

He could practically feel her crack inside. Guilt and shame came gushing out and as much as she had been feeling before, it was nothing in comparison to what she felt now. She was wide open to feel this completely and her emotions were so strong that he knew she had no choice now but to ride these feelings out. He also knew that she would remember this. He could tell without a doubt she would not forget.

"Yes, we did," he acknowledged.

He was so relieved now to be able to reach for her. He hadn't wanted to hold back for a second and hated that he'd had to do this first. But now that he knew she understood it all there was no reason he had to hold himself back. There was no reason to be cruel and he gratefully took her in his arms and joined her in the mourning. For once, he didn't have to do this alone.

He couldn't say he was glad to have her go through this with him; it was too selfish to have wished for it. But it did help. If nothing else, at least she would never have to face this pain alone. She would never have to bear her guilt solely on her own shoulders; he would always bear half of it with her. Having her there with him, clutching her against him and knowing she felt what he did, that did make the storm pass quicker.

It took a while for them to overcome it. While their shared feelings seemed to help at times, it almost felt as if it made it worse. It was very emotional to feel for two. But the Doctor knew it was worth it. It was worth it to bear double the emotion when you had someone else there to hold you while you felt it. It wasn't easy and he had no idea how long it went on but they anchored each other while they went through it.

Rose was the first to speak. Even after the bulk of it all had pasted they had still remained where they were, quiet both inside and out.

"This was harder than I expected," she admitted as she pulled back, taking several deep breaths and wiping her face.

"Delivering justice is never easy. Just because you're right doesn't mean you're happy about it. It always costs something and that hurts whether it's justifiable or not. The second you don't feel terrible about it is the second you become a monster. I only know it because I've come close to it."

"Thank you for helping me through this."

"Thank you for going through it with me," he said reaching out and holding her face in his hands.

It was a fine line between remembering your guilt and somehow still living with yourself because of it. But he would help her find that balance just as she, unknowingly at times, had always done for him.

He reached out and took her hand in his and gave it a squeeze. "Come on. I know the perfect remedy for times like these."

"What's that?"

"Company. Let's go in and see our friends," he said smiling at her.

She smiled genuinely back at him. "That sounds good."

He helped her to her feet and opened the door. In the good times and the bad they were a team and he was glad that she knew it. And he was glad to know she accepted it. He walked into the TARDIS with her able to raise his head because, even though what had happened was terrible, this was not. He knew they could face their challenges together and that was a really good thing.

* * *

"So, you really are leaving us?" Rose asked leaning against the door frame of Martha's bedroom. Jack had told her that Martha had already said goodbye to him and sure enough Rose found that Martha was putting the last of her things in her bag and was almost ready to go.

Martha turned towards Rose and smiled. "Yeah," she said with a small sigh which betrayed some of the emotions she was really having despite the smile she wore. "I think it's about time."

"You don't have to," Rose said sincerely.

"Yes, I do," Martha said zipping up her bag and sitting on the bed beside it.

Rose walked towards her and sat down beside her. "You really don't have to leave. You are more than welcome to stay here with us. I mean it."

"I know you do," Martha said honestly. "And I really appreciate the offer. But you and the Doctor need some time alone after all you've been through and I don't want to get in the way of that."

"You wouldn't be in the way."

Martha smiled a little. "That's nice of you to say. But, yes, I would. You two have been apart for a long time and you deserve some time just to yourselves."

Rose knew that Martha was right but she felt torn. There was nothing more she wanted than some good quality alone time with the Doctor but she didn't want to kick Martha out either. She was so grateful to her for everything she'd done for them. She had taken care of the Doctor when Rose had been unable to be there herself. She had risked everything to reunite them. It was a very unfair position Martha was in now and Rose knew she deserved so much better.

"I hope you know you will always be welcome here," Rose said genuinely, looking at Martha in the eye. "We would love to have you, anytime."

"Thank you," Martha said with gratefulness. "I will be sure and take you up on that."

"Good," Rose said smiling. She hadn't had a lot of time to get to know Martha. She'd hardly spent any time with her at all and she really did hope to change that in the future. She liked what she'd come to know about Martha and she knew there must be even more to learn about her character; it took a very special person to travel with the Doctor.

A moment of silence passed between them and Rose felt herself getting emotional as she thought of all Martha had done for her. With everything that had been going on she hadn't gotten the opportunity to properly thank Martha but she planned on remedying that.

"Martha…I can never thank you enough for what you did," Rose said her eyes watering and her voice wavering. What could she possibly say to the person who had given the Doctor back to her? There weren't thanks enough to repay the woman who had risked her life to restore the two of them back to each other.

Martha shrugged. "It really wasn't that big of a deal."

But Rose wouldn't let her down play it. "Yes, it was. It was a huge thing you did for us. For _me_. You were much too modest earlier. Jack told me the danger you put yourself in to come to find me. He told me how unstable that vortex manipulator was and how neither one of you knew whether it would work or not."

Martha looked away, embarrassed. "I didn't want you to know about that."

"I'm glad I do. You risked your life for us. Thank you… _so_ much."

Martha swallowed, pushing down her own emotions. "You're welcome."

"Why did you do it?" Rose asked honestly.

"What?" Martha asked confused.

"Why did you take such a risk? I mean…you could have been killed. You could have been lost or trapped in an alternate universe. It was a big gamble to take."

Martha shrugged again and looked down at her hands nervously. "I did it for the Doctor. He was dying and I just knew that you were really the only hope of saving him."

"You put a lot of faith in me…without even knowing me."

Martha raised her head and looked at Rose now. "The Doctor is special. Everybody knows that," she said with a smile that was a bit sad. "I knew that the first time I met him. He saved my life and I owed him. But it's more than that. The universe needs him. But... he's not just him anymore."

"What do you mean?"

"It isn't just him that the universe needs anymore; it's him _and_ you."

Rose was honored at Martha's words her eyes watering even more. "How did you know?" she asked in disbelief.

"The Doctor is amazing on his own. I saw that. But I also saw a lot of something that was missing. It was like he was just a ghost of who he could be; there was always sadness in his eyes. I didn't know him when he was with you but I saw enough to know that, even though he was an incredible man, he could be even more. You're both special and this universe needs you both together."

Rose could see how extraordinary and selfless a woman Martha was. She was so smart and so perceptive. "Martha, I want you to know about me and the Doctor," she said, wanting to explain it for the first time to anyone. Martha already seemed to have seen more than most people did but Rose felt she deserved to hear the complete truth of it as well. "I'm sure he didn't explain to you what we are to each other."

"Really, you don't need to explain."

"You love him, right?" she asked softly. It was impossible to deny that Martha cared very much for him but there was no jealously or anger in Rose's words. She knew that she and she alone belonged to the Doctor and he to her.

But that wasn't the way that Martha took it. "Rose," she said looking at Rose with a startled expression. "It's not like that. I promise it's not like that. I never tried to get in the way. It may have started out as something else but that was entirely on my side. And it didn't take me long to realize that he was fully devoted to you and I'm fine with that."

"I know," Rose said with a smile, quick to reassure her. "I'm _glad_ he found you. Truly, I am so thankful he found someone to travel with. The Doctor needs somebody. He's not quick to admit it but he does. I was so worried thinking he was alone all this time. I'm glad he had someone to care of him."

"I really never tried to replace you. I never tried to take your place or try to take him from you. He was very clear that I wasn't a replacement for you."

Rose reached out a hand and took Martha's. She pulled up some strong feelings of understanding and calm and tried to send them through in her touch. "I know," she reassured her again. "I really do understand. Thank you for taking care of him when I couldn't."

"I was happy to do it," Martha answered and Rose was glad to see she seemed to feel more at ease. "I mean, it was the chance of a lifetime; to travel the stars and time. Who wouldn't jump at the chance at that?"

"Tell me about it," Rose said smiling. "I know he must have been difficult at times. I'm sure he wasn't at his best during this time you knew him and I want you to know I'm grateful you stuck it out with him."

Martha didn't try to deny that it was true. "I knew he was in mourning. It was easy to see he was grieving and depressed. I understood why he acted the way he did at times."

"It shows how special you are that you do understand that. And I know he would have appreciated you more if he hadn't been blinded by the pain. He couldn't have ever 'moved on' after he lost me and I know he didn't explain why that was."

"He didn't have to. You don't have to either."

"I know but I want to. I want you to know." Rose paused and took a deep breath before explaining. "The Doctor's species are telepaths; that won't come as any surprise to you, obviously. But it's different than what one usually assumes. Telepathy wasn't about reading each other's minds to them; it was about forming connections between people. Most of their relationships were based on telepathic communication and when people were very close they would become bonded.

"That means that you become linked to that person. You need mental connection with them. It's a lifetime commitment to a person. You will always need to be with them. Me and the Doctor were bonded before we got separated. And people who are bonded are never supposed to be separated so when they are parted, as we were, there are consequences. When me and the Doctor were separated it was very painful and hard for us to adapt to the loss."

Martha took in Rose's words, looking a little surprised to hear the whole story but also grateful to be learning what had been going on with the Doctor. "I knew there was more to it than he was letting on. I knew it wasn't just a normal loss but he would never talk about it."

"It's a very personal thing," Rose explained. "I've never told anyone, not even my own family. And the Doctor has never been a person who is good at talking about personal matters. I don't want you to take it personal that he didn't tell you because it is a very private matter between two people. Also, talking makes it worse. Being separated caused us physical pain and when you talk about the person you've lost it actually makes the pain worse."

"You know, he said talking about it wouldn't help but I didn't believe him. Thank you for explaining it to me."

"Well, I know that he didn't and I wanted you to know why he wasn't at his best."

Martha smiled. "For all his faults, I still wouldn't have traded this time for anything."

"Thank again for giving us this again. I hope you know now how much you've given us by bringing us back together."

"I think I do now. It's a very special relationship you too have together. I'm glad I could help."

Rose reached for Martha and hugged her tight, making sure she let her gratitude push through her touch. When they pulled apart, Martha reached for her bag and Rose followed her as she walked out of the room and down the corridor.

When they got to the console room the Doctor was there. He turned towards them and taking in the sight of Martha's suitcase his face turned solemn and he seemed to tense. The Doctor hated moments like these and Rose could see Martha didn't look forward to it either. They stood just looking at each other without speaking for several heavy moments before Rose broke the silence for them.

"Well, I'll just give you two a few minutes," Rose said to them both before murmuring a final goodbye to Martha.

They both gave her a grateful look before they walked slowly down the ramp and out the door. The Doctor dug his hands deep into his pockets and felt awkward and nervous as they came to stand outside of the TARDIS. They were parked in front of Martha's house but she lingered. He didn't know what to say or how to handle this.

Martha spoke first relieving him of that burden. "Well, I guess this is where me and you part," she said bravely.

"I don't suppose there's any way I can convince you to stay?"

"No," she said with a smile, shaking her head, her answer certain.

The Doctor was at a loss again for what to say. These were difficult terms that Martha was leaving on. They both knew she didn't want to go and if Rose hadn't returned then Martha wouldn't be leaving him. He didn't want it to seem as if he had only had her around because he couldn't have Rose but now that she was back it seemed as if he had no more use for Martha. Despite all the best intentions and the fact they both knew this wasn't entirely true, they both also knew that it still felt like that was what had happened.

There was no other solution but he wished there could be. Martha deserved better than this. She had always deserved better than what he had given her. Now, she had risked her life to return Rose to him and save his life. It was the greatest gift he'd ever received and he wasn't sure how he could thank her for it.

"Martha, I want to say thank you. But..." he said, his voice trailing off unable to find the right words.

She smiled, understanding what he meant. She appreciated the moment of honesty; he, unfortunately, hadn't given her very many. "Doctor, you've already thanked me like a thousand times."

"I know. But it isn't enough."

"It is to me," Martha said.

The Doctor could see the peace on her face and the acceptance. Despite all his failed attempts of speaking, of explaining, it was there somehow and he was glad to find it. "You've just given me so much, even more than you know."

"It's alright; I do know. Rose explained it me."

"She did?"

"Yeah and I get it now. I understand what it was you were going through. I see now how much you had lost."

The Doctor was relieved he'd been spared from having to say it. "I'm sorry I didn't explain it myself," he said looking down a bit embarrassed that he hadn't been able to give her the explanation himself.

"It's alright," she said sincerely.

"I do…care about you," he admitted awkwardly.

"I know you do."

"You were here for me during some of my darkest days and I really am very glad you chose to be my friend in this time."

"Thank you for giving me this chance."

"We had a good run, didn't we?" the Doctor asked self-consciously even though it was obvious he was trying very hard to appear collected.

"Yes, Doctor. We sure did. And," she said with a smile, pointing a finger at him, "it's not over yet. I expect you to come and visit me. Once you and Rose have had a good long spell getting to know each other again I expect you to come and take me for an adventure now and then."

The Doctor smiled widely. "That is a promise Martha Jones."

She reached out and hugged him and he reciprocated tightly. There had been days when it had felt like the only thing keeping him alive were these hugs and he felt a swell of emotion inside of himself. He was glad she pulled back and started to walk away before he could get too emotional but he was also disappointed it was over.

"See you around," she said with a wave as she walked towards her house.

He watched her go and stood there staring in that direction for a long time even after she had gone in. After a few minutes had passed he heard the door of the TARDIS open and he felt Rose wrap her arms around his waist and hold on to him. There were tears in his eyes so he kept them focused ahead but he wrapped his arms around her and held on to her.

"You alright?" she asked quietly when he hadn't spoken for a while.

"I'm sure you know the answer to that," he said, knowing she could feel the waves of emotion inside of him. They were so strong he knew they wouldn't go unnoticed by her.

"It's alright to be sad," she said knowing exactly how he was feeling.

"It's a lot harder than I thought it would be," he admitted. "I know we'll see her again sometime but…" he said struggling.

"But it won't be the same," she finished. "I know. I know what you mean." She reached up a hand to his face and turned it towards her.

"You're not upset?" he asked, worried about what she was thinking now that she could see how much he was feeling.

"Of course not," she said with a smile. "I'm really glad you met Martha. I am glad you asked her to travel with you."

The Doctor looked back towards Martha's house. "I don't know how I got so fortunate to find a friend like her. I certainly didn't deserve the kindness she showed me. It wasn't a good time in my life but there was some good in it," he said reminiscing.

Rose knew what he meant. They both had wanted nothing more than to be reunited and they wouldn't want to go back to the time when they were parted. But there was a sadness in losing those people who had gotten them through those difficult months of separation.

The Doctor looked down at her and smiled. There was still some sadness there but Rose could see it was genuine smile. His arms tightened around her and he kissed the top of her head, fully appreciating her presence there with him. "Yes, I sure have been luckier than I ever thought I would be."

* * *

Things started to calm down and Rose finally got to focus some of her attention on her long lost friend. That evening, her and the Doctor and Jack spent hours sitting around and talking. She was glad she finally had the time to be able to talk to him and that they were all able to catch up with each other. So much had changed for all of them since the last time they'd traveled together and they had plenty to talk about.

Rose had almost expected the Doctor not to give Jack a hard time for using his vortex manipulator. After all, it had been used to bring her back to him and save his life. But she had assumed wrong. He still gave Jack a thorough lecture on the risks and consequences of using 'cheap time travel' though she knew he did it in good humor. Which was good because his words fell on deaf ears; all three of them knew full well that Jack was going to continue doing what he had always done. He then came back at the Doctor with his own accusations, giving the Doctor a hard time about abandoning him on Satellite 5 and avoiding him ever since. Rose even joined in with Jack a little bit on that one.

Rose would have intervened in what was becoming a heated discussion between the two of them if she hadn't felt the undertones of it all and known that neither of them was really angry. What they were both saying might have been the truth but she didn't think either harbored truly bitter feeling about those things. It even seemed like the more they bickered with each other the more they showed how much they had truly missed one another. _Men_.

After they had all caught up on the many events they'd missed in each other's lives and Jack and the Doctor had each had a good long argument, Rose directed the conversation back to their previous travels and they began to fondly reminisce on old memories. As they continued to recall the past, Rose felt as the Doctor quietly reached a hand over to her hair and wound his fingers in the midst of it. On the surface it looked like he was only playing with her hair as he ran his fingers back and forth across her head and pulled them down the length of her locks but under the surface there was quite a bit more going on. She was very surprised he was teasing her in this way. He knew the kind of affect such an action had on her but he didn't even look at her as he did it. He played innocent, choosing to look at Jack who was in the middle of a story, and pretended he wasn't playing with her mind.

She was pleasantly pleased with his convert flirtation. Maybe their absence really had brought about some positive changes; the Doctor never used to flirt with her like this. He continued to play with her hair very slowly and she became so distracted that she completely lost track of what anyone was saying. After she'd been deprived his touch for so long she still was nearly undone by even the slightest provocation. And this was far from being slight. She was soon nearly incoherent and had to focus all her available energy on keeping appearance and not embarrassing herself in front of Jack. The Doctor knew exactly what he was doing to her too and was rather enjoying himself as evidenced by the slight upturn of his lips.

Well, two could play at that game. With her hands resting inconspicuously in front of her she took advantage of her newfound ability to reach her mind to him without physical touch. She reached out and touched his mind not as much as she could have but definitely enough to be noticed. She kept her eyes ahead of her as well but she felt the definite glitch in his train of thought when she touched him. His words even faltered because she'd caught him mid-sentence and it took all of her self-control not laugh when it happened.

She let her touch travel across his mind as gentle as she could make it, brushing against him in soft circles. This would normally be nothing but a comforting and soothing touch but ,like her mind, his was also still starved from the long absence. There was a great deficiency to be made up and his mind instantly wanted to go along with her and make this into more. Soon, neither one was talking much as they wonderfully tormented each other back and forth.

"If you two are going to do some Time Lord telepathic hanky-panky over there you could clue a guy in," Jack said in mock annoyance after observing Rose and the Doctor tease each other in between conversation for at least half an hour.

Rose almost burst out in laughter feeling like she was in back in high school getting caught making out. She had thought they were doing good to conceal what they were doing but they apparently hadn't been hiding it well enough. They weren't used to flirting and it seemed they would have to perfect their poker faces before attempting that again.

The Doctor rolled his eyes at Jack's not so delicate comment. "You really do have a one track mind," he said shaking his head. Rose could feel he was slightly embarrassed at being caught but she just thought it was funny.

"Yes, I do," Jack admitted with just a little bit of pride. "And it looks like I'm not the only one."

The Doctor only shook his head. Rose smiled and intervened. "It wasn't that. Just a bit of flirting," she said turning to smile at the Doctor.

"Like I said, clue a guy in so he can get in on the action," Jack said teasing.

"You know we actually have something we wanted to ask you," Rose said remembering and looking over at the Doctor.

"Oh yeah? And what is that?" Jack asked with clear interest and excitement. He had just a bit too much of both for the Doctor's taste.

"Oh, stop it," the Doctor ordered, just like he always did when Jack let his flirting get out of hand.

Rose gave the Doctor a nudge and a look. He took a deep breath, swallowing a bit of pride before he spoke.

"Rose and I were wondering…that is, we are…would you…" the Doctor stuttered, uncomfortable with the subject matter in light of who it was he was asking.

Rose smiled, not surprised, and saved the Doctor. She wrapped an arm around him and turned her attention to Jack. "We were wondering if you would be the witness at our marriage."

Jack looked surprised at the news. "Wow, so you managed to do what hundreds of others have tried to do and finally pin this rascal down?" he asked a wide grin quickly growing on his face and a bit of admiration in his voice.

"Oh please! Hundreds?" the Doctor whispered under his breath and shaking his head.

"Since my family can't be there and you are such a close friend of ours," Rose said smiling at Jack. "Will you give me away?"

Jack smiled, his face momentarily clear of the teasing and flirting that was usually there. This smile was a serious one and spoke so much of his feelings for her and their friendship. "Of course I will," he said. "I would be honored."

He reached out to hug Rose and she hugged him back tight. When he pulled back he looked over at the Doctor and, though he put up a little show of pretending he was resistant to it, he hugged Jack as well.

Jack patted the Doctor hard on the back before pulling back and laughing. "You know, you two are the only two I would consent to give to each other. If it were anybody else for either of you, I'll have you know I would be putting up a firm fight. But I always knew it. I knew it from the very beginning that the two of you were going to be together."

"We sure didn't, did we?" the Doctor asked looking over to Rose with affection.

"I think we did," she said laughing slightly. "We were just stubborn."

"You got that right," Jack said quickly. "But you know, Doctor," he said turning to him, the tease returning to his face. "You didn't have to be embarrassed to tell me that you two were getting hitched."

"I wasn't embarrassed-" the Doctor started.

"No, no it's alright. I just want you to know that just because you two are getting married I don't take it to mean that there isn't any room for me still."

"That is _exactly_ what it means," the Doctor said strongly.

Rose smiled to herself as Jack and the Doctor got into another 'fight.' She just let it happen. She knew they would be at it for a while but she didn't mind. That's what they did and she was just so happy for this moment. She was happy to be here with her Doctor and one of her dearest friends; both restored to her when she'd thought she'd lost them both. She was so happy at the future that lay ahead and that was just about to begin.


	18. Chapter 18

_I'm about to marry the Doctor_

Rose smiled and bit her lip at the thought. She was filled with anticipation and nerves of the best kind. But as excited as she was to get to the Doctor she stopped and paused a moment at the door before exiting the TARDIS. They were about to be connected completely in every way and she wanted to remember every single thing about this moment forever. She almost couldn't believe it was happening; it seemed too good to be true. But she knew right this second he was already waiting for her. She laughed a little to herself as she thought about what was about to happen.

She thought about the past and how far they had come. She couldn't believe it had only been a couple of years since she had walked through these very doors for the first time. How different things had been back then! She hadn't even known that aliens existed when she'd followed him in here. If anyone would have told her then that she'd be marrying that same alien someday she would have never believed it.

The Doctor had been so different back then. He had been so closed off. He'd been hurting so badly and so afraid of that pain. At times, she had thought he'd never open himself up to loving someone again. _She_ had been so different back then. She had been so unsure of herself, so willing to accept less in life. She never would have thought she'd let herself be loved. They'd been friends first, companions sharing life and adventure together. Then somewhere along the line (where it had happened exactly neither of them really knew) they had fallen in love. They had both helped each other over their insecurities without even knowing what they were doing for the other. There was so much behind them but even more ahead of them. Theirs was a beautiful story, both the parts that were already written and the parts that were yet to be.

Her eyes teared up when she thought about the past several months. She had thought it had all come to end for them. There had been so many times she had feared their story was over. But it wasn't. In a way, it was almost just beginning. She smiled, ready to meet him now and not willing to pause a moment longer. She looked down at her dress, making sure everything was in place before she reached out and opened the door.

What she was walking into was a surprise to her. The Doctor hadn't told her where they were going; he'd wanted it to be a surprise. She had agreed right away knowing he knew all the best places. And with her family in a different universe, there was no place she had any attachment to for having her wedding. She had known he would pick somewhere special and she was looking forward to seeing where that place was.

She walked out into a golden atmosphere. She was in a forest area but you would never be able to tell it from all the light. Everything around her was a deep, rich yellow. The air was so thick, and it surrounded her in a haze but it was warm and beautiful as it wrapped around her. It followed her while she walked like a cheerful embrace. It was like being right in the midst of the brightest sunrise and there was something about it that was strangely familiar.

Sprinkled throughout the golden haze were brighter flecks. It was almost like fireflies here and there but when she reached out to touch them she knew they weren't an insect or anything living for that matter. It was almost like light reflecting off of something but she couldn't see anything that would be giving off a reflection. The unknown particles slowly moved around her and she twirled a few times just to watch them swirl around her.

In front of her was a small chapel made of stone. It was nestled in the woods and even had greenery growing on the sides of it as if it were becoming part of the woods itself. As she walked towards it she noticed that Jack was waiting for her in front of the door.

He smiled at her when reached him. His expression was a serious one today and if she wasn't mistaken it was just a little bit emotional too. He sighed. "Look at you," he said with a smile.

"What do think? Will it do?" she said holding her arms out and looking down at her dress again.

"It will more than do or that Doctor is even more of idiot than I thought," he said with a laugh.

"Can't quite believe we finally found our way here," she said with a smile, nerves growing and filling up her belly.

"Well, I'll admit this sure isn't how I saw things ending that day I daringly saved a cute blonde from the skies."

"I'm sure it isn't," she said laughing. "Are you sorry about that?" she added quietly.

"Not at all. Things…they turned out even better than I expected. I love you." She reached out and hugged him and he added. "I love that old Doctor too but if you tell him I said so I will deny it."

Rose smiled. "I'm pretty sure he already knows that," she whispered into his ear. "I'm really glad you could be here."

"Me too."

He pulled back and extended his arm for her to take. "Now, come on before I change my mind about this giving you away thing." She took this arm, noticing as she did that her hand shook only slightly with nervous excitement. Jack opened the door and they walked into the chapel.

It was a tiny building but it was very cute. There was only room for a few pews on either side of the aisle and there were only three small stained glass windows on each of the side walls. The thick rich light from outside shown through them creating a more beautiful display of colors than she'd ever seen from such a window before.

But all of this she hardly noticed because her eyes were fixed ahead of her. The Doctor watched her as she walked down the aisle towards him and she could practically feel the emotions bursting from him at the sight of her. _You look so beautiful,_ he said. She smiled and blushed shyly. She was glad that the walk was a short one.

"So, you like it?" she asked when they had reached the front of the building and Jack had handed her over to him. She was standing in front of him, both of her hands held securely in his. "When I went to into the wardrobe to pick a dress this was the only article of clothing that was in there. I figured the TARDIS might be suggesting that you would approve of it."

She was wearing a simple floor length white dress. It had small short sleeves and a beaded bodice. It was covered in small sparkles that when the light hit them just right shown a dark opulent blue. It was a kind of dress that she wouldn't ever have pictured herself in but the second she'd seen it she knew it was just right. She wore a veil that hung down her back. It was translucent but shimmered in a way she'd never seen material do before. It was clearly made of something not of her world.

"She was right," the Doctor said with a smile.

He was dressed in his regular pinstripe suit. He'd offered to wear his tux but she'd asked him to wear this instead. She knew that he had very strong negative feelings against the tux because he claimed that something terrible always happened when he wore it. And, although she was sure she could give him some good memories to attach to his tux, she preferred him in his every day look anyway.

"It's a beautiful planet you've picked," she said quietly, smiling at him.

The Doctor smiled playfully back at her like he had a secret. "Do you wonder why I picked it?"

"Why?"

Rose felt his mind reach towards hers. _It reminds me of the inside of you,_ he whispered, giving her mind a brush of affection that she felt shoot through every part of her. She closed her eyes, a bit dazed at the touch but glad to be. She was also now very grateful that this ceremony would be a quick one. The Doctor had explained to her that the ceremony it's self would be a simple one. Unlike human weddings that put a lot of emphasis on the marriage ceremony and reception, the most important part of their wedding would be the bonding that occurred between them. That would happen later, in private, between just the two of them.

The emotions in his words now held hinted at that. They contained a passion and desire and love unconcealed in every way; it was unlike anything she'd ever felt from him. He was not holding anything of himself back and she was looking forward to later with even more anticipation than she'd had before.

She felt him tug on her mind gently to call her back to the present. Still feeling quite weak in the knees she opened her eyes and looked at him. Jack smiled knowingly at them, aware something was going on he couldn't see but not calling them out on it this time. The Doctor nodded towards him, indicating he was to do his part.

Jack reached out his hand to Rose, placing it softly against her back. "I consent and gladly give," he said giving her a pat before withdrawing his hand.

The Doctor reached into his pocket and took out a long ribbon. It was a deep red with fine gold embroidery on it. When she saw it she realized that it was not just some ordinary ribbon; it had been created specifically for this purpose. She didn't even know how long he must have been holding onto since it must have come from his planet. She was touched as she realized how long he must have waited to use it, how long he must have waited for _her_. This had been a long time in the making for both of them but he had been waiting even longer than she had.

He had taken it and held on to it long before he even knew who it would be for. There had been a spot for her in his hearts before he ever met her; before he even knew her name or face. At times, in her past, she hadn't even known if love was real or if it was something she could actually have. But _he_ had believed in it. Though he hadn't always known who it was he was waiting on he'd believed in love and believed it would be true for him someday. For the longest time she thought he'd been the unbeliever but it was her who had been the doubter all along. He'd claimed not to be a romantic but he had been one from the start.

Until she had met the Doctor, Rose really hadn't believed in love. Life hadn't given her any proof of it in what she'd seen around her. If there had been any part of her that had believed in it at all she'd always thought it was for others but never for herself. Life had been so painful at times, like the dark days when she'd been with Jimmy. For so many years she'd believed she was unlovable in every way and unworthy of affection. She was so glad that those miserable days and her much sadder self were far back in the past and were never to return.

She gladly took her end of the ribbon in her right hand and wound it around her hand as he did his, until both their hands were touching, bound together, side by side. It symbolized the mental bond they shared, that invisible but very real thread that already connected them. Though it was only a symbol of the greater thing they shared and felt inside it was still amazing to see symbolized in front of them and reminded her of its significance.

Rose looked at the Doctor and watched him for what would happen next. Their wedding was to be a mix of human and Gallifreyian traditions but she'd left the order of things up to him. She smiled, feeling the excitement and anticipation bubbling up inside of her. She knew part of what to expect but so much of this was still a wonderful mystery to her.

Finally, he spoke. "I want to give you my name," he said seriously. She wanted to say something in response but found she could only nod her head in eager agreement.

Their right hands were still joined between them with the ribbon and he took his left arm and wrapped it tightly around her waist, holding her securely against him. He leaned in towards her ear and she found herself holding her breath, clutching his jacket in her other hand and closing her eyes as she waited.

He spoke his name and it was like nothing she could possibly describe. She wasn't sure if he had spoken with words or thoughts; it was suddenly just…there. The breath she'd held left her lips in a gasp and she was glad her eyes were already closed because everything was spinning around her. She felt limp and now she knew why he had reached out to hold on to her. She was glad his arm was around her to steady her as she took in his name and processed it.

She felt his name in every fiber of her being. It was so powerful. It was all of him, all at once. No wonder it was a secret. She took it carefully into her mind and hid it away. It was a secret; _her_ secret now too. She was the only one to know him by this name. It was meant for only her to know. She wanted to find a way to describe the name but it wasn't just a word; it was an experience and all she could do was feel it.

After a long moment she was finally able to open her eyes and look at him. His arm was still around her and she was glad because she still fought to gain some strength. He was patiently watching her, pleased to have her see him in this way. She could feel how good he felt in being able to share this with her. It had been so long since anyone had known him by his real name. That must have been so hard. Names seemed so commonplace to her but his was a secret he had to keep inside. She'd never understood before how hard that must have been for him. It was a lonely situation and she felt the burden of it lifting off of him.

"I wish I had a name to give you," she whispered leaning in even closer to him. There was no insecurity or doubt as there once would have been in finding there was something he could give her but she couldn't give him. She was only filled with gratitude and awe of what he had shared and she wished to be able to return that.

"Rose," he said with a warm smile. "My _dear_ Rose…if you had a secret name to give me I'm not sure I could survive receiving it; it would be so magnificent."

She laughed a little and he hugged her tighter to himself. She pressed her forehead to his briefly. She felt herself just on the edge of finishing them off. She was so content, so utterly filled at joy with what they were creating here between them. He laughed inside her head and she felt him send her a little strength she needed to finish the ceremony. _Stay with me; just a little longer. We're almost there_

 _We can't get there fast enough,_ she said with smile and it increased just a bit when she felt his mind falter a little at thoughts of their near future.

He pulled back, looking the happiest she'd probably ever seen him and took her left hand in his.

Jack spoke up now to lead them in their human wedding vows. "Doctor, do you take Rose to be your wedded wife? Do you promise to love her, comfort her, honor and keep her for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health?"

The Doctor smiled widely and, never taking his eyes away from her, promised, "I do."

"Do you promise to be unto her ever faithful, devoted and true?"

"I do."

"Will you love her without reservation?"

"I will."

"Will you grow with her in mind and spirit?"

"I will."

Jack now turned towards Rose. "Rose, do you take the Doctor to be your wedded husband? Do you promise to love him, comfort him, honor and keep him for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health?"

Rose smiled, agreeing as quickly as she could, feeling the love and happiness pouring from her heart. "I do."

"Do you promise to be unto him ever faithful, devoted and true?"

"I do."

"Will you love him without reservation?"

"I will."

"Will you grow with him in mind and spirit?"

"I will."

The Doctor let go of her hand briefly and reached into his pocket. When he pulled it out he held Rose's ring. She held out her hand and he slipped the ring onto her finger and held it there. "With this ring I thee wed, and with all my heart's affections I thee endow. Where you go I will go, where you stay I will stay. Whatever may come I will be there. Thereto I pledge my love."

"I accept this ring as a sign of the covenant we have made."

Rose pulled her hand back and reached for the Doctor's ring that Jack had been holding onto for her. She slid the ring on the Doctor's finger and held it there. "With this ring I thee wed, and with all my heart's affections I thee endow. Where you go I will go, where you stay I will stay. Whatever may come I will be there. Thereto I pledge my love. "

"I accept this ring as a sign of the covenant we have made," he said. She wrapped her hand around his and interlaced their fingers together.

"I love you so much," she said eagerly, the words just busting out in the moment.

He smiled at her so warmly in response she felt it under her skin. "I love you so much."

He lingered there, with his hand wrapped in hers, for a moment before he withdrew his hand and pressed the slightest touch of his fingertips against her temple.

She felt the Doctor move further into her mind and he spoke to lead them in the vows of their bond.

 _Will you vow to be my bond mate? Will you unite your mind to mine and take it as your own? Will you enter the deepest part of me, look at me completely, and knit your heart with mine? Will you bond yourself wholly to me, connect yourself to me entirely and stand by me for all of time?_

A few tears threatened to run down Rose's face at the sweet vows the Doctor asked of her. It seemed too good to be true that he was there and asking this amazing thing of her but it wasn't. It was real and with complete certainty, with not the slightest doubt or reservation in her mind she answered him.

 _I will,_ she answered, having never been more sure of anything in her life.

She felt his joy running over and covering her and it made her own happiness even greater. The tears she'd been trying to hold back before now ran down her face as she prepared to ask him for his promise.

 _Will you vow to be my bond mate? Will you unite your mind to mine and take it as your own? Will you enter the deepest part of me, look at me completely, and knit your hearts with mine? Will you bond yourself wholly to me, connect yourself to me entirely and stand by me for all of time?_

The Doctor wrapped his mind around hers, holding her with the deepest affection before he answered with all the assurance possible. _I will_

She reached out her mind to his and embraced him. They closed their eyes and held each other in their minds, a gesture of love that was only possible because of that special bond inside; the very one now illustrated by their joined hands.

Jack watched them for a few minutes but sensing the exchange between them was over he smiled and made his declaration. "You are now husband and wife and bond mates for life."

The Doctor didn't even need the command to kiss his new bride. He gathered Rose in his arms and kissed her deeply. The man who had always been so hesitate of physical affection had no problem with it what so ever. He seemed to have decided to make up for all of the lost time, maybe even, it seemed, all in this moment.

She kissed him feeling her heart opening wide and the force of it reaching out to pull him in. She wanted to complete this bond between them; she _needed_ to. She'd have done it too, right then and right there had the Doctor not pulled his lips back and urged her to wait. The force inside of her was greater than any she'd ever known and she'd all but forgotten where they were and that they weren't alone yet.

She opened her eyes and looked at him. She felt disappointed to have to wait even a second longer to receive those pieces of him she didn't already have and she didn't think she could have found it within herself to have been embarrassed if Jack had been there and watching while they had done it.

The Doctor smiled at all her eagerness and she could feel that waiting was the last thing he desired as well. _Soon,_ he promised.

She felt the pull inside of her grow all the more at his promise. But somehow she found the strength to make herself move. She took his arm and walked with him out of the chapel and back to the TARDIS.


	19. Chapter 19

Jack may have been serious and on his best behavior during the Doctor and Rose's wedding but that ceased once they were all back in the TARDIS. The Doctor set a course to take Jack home and as they traveled he was back to his regular scandalous self. It didn't take them long to arrive at their destination but it was long enough for him to give them several vivid and inappropriate well wishes and suggestions. The Doctor was speechless by the time Jack finally left them and even Rose was blushing several shades of red.

The Doctor happily closed the door behind Jack and turned to face Rose. He paused to stare at her and she noticed he looked at her with a new expression on his face that she never seen before. He was looking at her like his _wife_. She still couldn't believe this name now applied to her and got a thrill in this new way he saw her. They were married, actually married, now and finally for the first time completely alone.

She may have been temporarily distracted by saying goodbye to Jack but the very second that she and the Doctor were alone her heart and mind picked up again where they had left off. The deepest part of her was opening up and reaching out to the Doctor. It was a new sensation and she was amazed that anything could be this mysterious to her at this point. Their relationship had progressed so profoundly already but what was about to happen between them was something brand new.

Every wall and barrier deep inside of her was falling away to make room for and to draw him in. She was surprised to feel how much had been standing in the way of letting him completely in. There was still so much of herself to give to him, parts that were even going to be a unknown to her. She didn't know what it was going to mean for them to be fully bonded with their very hearts connected together. She was afraid of it in a way and nervous at the mystery of it. But at the same time she couldn't experience it all fast enough.

He slowly walked back towards her. "What are you thinking of?" he asked.

"I'm just thinking about the first time I walked in here…and all the time in between," she said thoughtfully. "I never knew things could ever be like this for us."

"We've come a long way, you and me," he said smiling and taking her hands in his own. "And there's still so much ahead for us to see."

There _was_ so much in front of them. She felt their timeline changing dramatically today and she could feel how much fullness there was to it. There was the potential of years and years; so many more than she'd ever dreamed they would have the fortune of sharing.

She didn't feel all that different physically from that girl that had walked through those doors for the first time. But in many ways she was so much different. Her mind was certainly different and her body was something different now too. But her heart was the most changed of all. She thought of that day and remembered it so vividly that she could almost see it front of her now. She almost wished she could go back and talk to that younger Rose and Doctor and tell them of all the amazing things they had to look forward to. They'd had no idea.

"You didn't know what you were getting into that night did you?" he asked quietly.

She knew he was speaking of the night they began their journey. Not the night they had begun their physical travels into the stars, the night he had whisked her away in this box. He was speaking of the night she had come to him and they had begun their journey into each other's minds.

"Honestly? No," she admitted with a smile. "But if I had I would have been even more excited to start."

"It really was a surprise to me, you know. Bonds were never formed after just one time together. That was unheard of. It always took a least a few times to form such a lasting connection. I never expected it would happen so quickly."

"I guess that makes us pretty special?"

He gave her a very satisfied smile. " _Very_ special." He paused a moment before he spoke again, his tone serious and grateful. "Thank you for being so patient with an old fool that couldn't believe someone could really love him again."

"Thank you for seeing the potential in a stupid girl who didn't think she could be anything special."

The memories of their past seemed to add to the urgency she felt in her heart at being joined with his. Their story was an amazing one filled with love and it pushed her all the more to bring this to completion. She could feel that Doctor felt it too.

"So, where shall we go?" he asked quietly. "We could honeymoon anywhere and any when you desire. We could visit the ice palaces of Elacarro…or the rainbow beaches of Caolia…or Paris in the roaring 20's?"

"Yes," she said excitedly squeezing his hands.

"Which one?" he asked laughing.

"All of them. I want to see them all!"

He smiled. "Now _that_ sounds like a plan. I like your spirit."

"Well, I did get it from you. Your wanderlust and excitement are quite contagious," she said smiling widely. She understood him so well now. They both had so much time in front of them. Though she had thought being given a longer life would make her more apt to slow down and take the time for granted she felt the opposite effect. She was bursting with excitement and anticipation to see all and do all that they could together. It felt like so long since she'd been on an adventure with him and she couldn't wait.

But it would have to wait just a little longer. There was something happening inside of them that needed attending to first and she had never been so glad to put an adventure on hold. "But first," she whispered leaning her face in closer to his. "I'd rather stay here," she said her voice full of suggestion.

She wanted to finish this where they had started it. She had fallen in love with him here and joined her mind to his here. She couldn't think of anywhere else that was more appropriate or that she desired more for what they were going to do.

There was a mix of passion and nervousness and excitement in his face and she knew he understood. "I think that sounds…just perfect."

He moved his hands to rest on her hips. It was a simple enough gesture, certainly not enough to cause all that it did inside of her. She wondered about all that was in store for them both and what its effect would be if this one gesture was so great on her. "Will I…do you think I will be overwhelmed?" she asked her face red with both blush and the flush of desire.

"Yes," he answered quickly. "But you won't mind." His lips curled up in a smile and they were so close to her she could kiss him if just leaned an inch forward. But she knew once she did there would be no stopping and no more words between them for a while.

She rested her hands on his arms to steady herself, feeling dizzy already with expectancy. "You say that but you're a little unsure yourself of what is going to happen," she said detecting uncertainty inside him.

He smiled but seemed a little nervous. "Yes…I suppose that's right. The full mental bonding…I am aware of that. I greatly anticipate that knowing what we'll have in that area," he said. He paused, his hands tightening slightly on her. "But the added… _physical_ element is something I am less experienced with. My people did not join the two together. I have yet to experience them at the same time."

Rose felt herself burning up inside and out. "So, this will be something new for the both of us?"

"Yes," he smiled gladly. "Just like everything else has been with you; completely unique and new and wonderful."

She glanced down a bit embarrassed but then looked up at him. "So, you think you can handle it?" she asked her tongue teasing him between her teeth.

He pulled her quickly against himself, his hands now joined together behind her. He leaned his mouth next to her ear. "You have no idea how much I want to find out."

The pulling inside of her was so great for a moment she wasn't sure if she would be able to speak. "I…uh….I…think I do."

"You think we'll be alright then?" he said it with bravado but there were hints of insecurity there.

She pulled back just enough to look at him and forced her eyes open and focused on him. "I have the greatest faith in us."

He looked satisfied and she was glad because she felt that the inside of her was about to grab him at any moment. He turned to the console and with one arm still securely holding her around the waist he set the TARDIS into space. He made sure they were somewhere quiet where they were sure to be safe and undisturbed and set them to drifting. He turned to her and she squealed as he suddenly scooped her up into his arms. She wrapped her own arms around his neck and he smiled as he carried her out of the console room and down the corridor.

They were both silent as he walked towards his bedroom ( _their_ bedroom now) and with great skill opened the door and carried her over the threshold. This was where everything between them had changed. This was where she had come to him and this was where he had chosen to let her in. Together they had stepped forward in their relationship, faced their true feelings and changed everything forever here. Again in this room, they were about find yet another new way to keep company here.

He set her gently down on her feet and she left her hands resting on his arms until she was sure she wouldn't fall. She felt weak and dizzy with excitement and it was wonderful. He smiled at her and reached up to her head. With the softest touch he reached to the back of her head into her hair and pulled the veil out of where it was nestled. He let it fall to the ground next to them and ran his fingers all throughout her hair gently straightening it all out until it all fell naturally around her shoulders.

The burst of sensation created by this gesture sent her over the edge. This gesture always had a powerful effect and right now it nearly drove her crazy with desire and she finally had to reach up to kiss him. She let herself get lost in him and they allowed themselves to find their way in their bond and what it meant for them. Their minds touched and drew them in closer and closer together searching each other out as their hands traveled over each other. They each knew exactly what to do without question, gladly abandoning their individuality in favor of their joining. Their bond was a perfect guide and she was sure of everything they were meant do. She didn't skip a beat or falter once until she felt the Doctor's hand reach around to the back of her dress and start to undo the zipper.

The Doctor felt her slight internal startle and he stopped his movement. She was dismayed that she had and a bit confused about it herself. The last thing she wanted to do was stop. She wasn't at all uncomfortable and she wasn't scared. She paused to search out her heart and try to understand what this pause was meant for.

"It's alright if you're nervous," he reassured. "We can take our time. We have plenty of it," he added with a comforting smile.

"I'm not," she said honestly. "I mean…I guess I'm a little nervous but it's more than that."

It _was_ more than that and it was hard to put to words. She was about to know the Doctor completely, inside and out and he would know her just as completely. What they were about to do was so sacred and so important she was suddenly hit with the weight and magnitude of it. It wasn't that it scared her, exactly; she just really felt the significance of what was going to happen.

Rose had given herself away before. She'd given her heart and body away more than once without even thinking about it. But she knew now that doing so meant something. Unlike the other times, this was completely right and she didn't want to forget the importance of it like she had before. This time she loved the Doctor and she knew that he loved her. The timing was perfect and she wanted to feel the full significance of what they were to share.

"It's just so important. This just means so much," she finally whispered to him.

He pulled her into a hug making her feel safe and understood. "I know," he agreed.

She wasn't afraid of this. There was nothing to fear about it. Her and the Doctor were meant for each other and there was no doubt or question in her mind about that. It just meant so much and she was brought to tears by how grateful she was to share this with the Doctor. She wanted to make sure she cherished every bit of it and remembered every second. She knew he felt the same.

She stood on her toes, closed her eyes and touched her forehead to his. She felt his arms tighten around her and he moved his head back and forth against hers affectionately. _My Doctor, all mine,_ she whispered delightfully and selfishly. She felt his smile in reply. He always had been and he always would be. She felt that truth more than anything at the moment. She felt the love and protection, the warmth and adoration that he felt for her radiating from his surface.

She no longer felt any need for pause; she understood what to do and appreciated the importance of it. She felt the need to move and proceed. Of course there was nothing to fear and no reason to pause. They were going to change but she needed it; they had to have it. She wanted to be in his head and she couldn't wait a second longer. She now pulled him towards the bed, no more hesitation and no more doubts that they would do this moment justice.

He followed, reaching his hands to her head. He pressed the tips of his finger to the sides of her head and massaged them against her as he pushed his mind deep into her head. He glided so effortlessly down into her, all the way down to the deepest part of her. He easily pulled back the layers inside of her, revealing every part of who she was inside. She was drawing him in instinctively to her and he was being guided to that most secret part of her without any hindrance. She felt him further in her mind than he'd ever been; nearly all of her was exposed now. As he moved inside of her, her hands found his clothes and she started to remove them. She pushed his coat off and removed the layers covering him as he pushed through all the covers hiding the inside of her. It was a perfect movement, wordlessly choreographed between them.

He had moved all the way inside and settled himself deep within her, where he was meant to be, without any interruption even when he'd had to break his physical contact momentarily to allow her to uncover him. When she had stripped him down to just his boxers they continued on, reversing positions, without a word or pause. Her fingers now went to his head, her mind now going deep inside of him as his hands went to her clothes. She felt breeze against her skin as he took off her dress and she felt a rush against her mind as she settled herself deep down inside of him. She found him just as open and unobstructed inside as she was. He was pulling her in, in a way he'd never done before and she was thrilled to be guided by this new force between them. He was waiting on her as she had been for him and she was as pleased with that as she was with the feel of his hands on her bare skin.

She was so glad that they'd saved everything up for this moment. She celebrated in their differences; the physical side of her humanity and the mental strength of a Time Lord. These things had made them so different separately but together it made them fantastic. All along she had known that they were falling in love like his species. While it had borne some similarities to that of her own she had known how very different of an experience it was to any she had ever known. But she had never realized how much the physical side of it, the part she brought along, enhanced it all. They hadn't shared a lot of physical intimacy and she actually found herself glad for that now. Sharing this wouldn't have been the same without their mental connection at its peak.

When she was standing in just her underwear and bra they paused only long enough for him to gently lift her up and set her on the bed. As soon as he had settled himself above her she reached up and pressed her fingers against his temples again and he leaned down to kiss her. It was ironic because her telepathic abilities were so strong they wouldn't ever need to touch physically again to initiate it but she had never desired physical touch more. She was grateful that it allowed them to keep their mental connection even when their hands were otherwise occupied but she knew that she would never keep herself from touching his head like this whenever she had the chance. It was the first way she had touched him to have this connection and she would never tire of it.

He broke his lips away from hers and she dug her fingers into his hair wondering where he was going. He kissed her on the chest right above her heart before resting his head against the same spot. "I love this heart," he said his voice completely open and words so honest. "This strangely single human heart…so big and full and somehow where I belong."

Rose was nearly overwhelmed by the feel of his lips against her bare skin and the sensation of his mind pressing into her through this spot. She was hyperaware of everything that was happening both on the outside and on the inside. She had never felt her heart beat so fast and there was such an urgency to get to him she thought it might leap right out of her chest. She pulled his lips to hers again to ground herself but the yearning only grew.

There had been so many times before they had formed their bond that she never thought she could have such a closeness with the Doctor or that she would ever hear him speak to her this honestly. It had taken him so long to accept her love for him but he finally had made a home in her heart. The pulling within her increased drawing him in to that very place he spoke of. That was exactly what she wanted. Her heart was calling for him beckoning him in. He came to her without resistance and she felt them being joined together in a way they never had known before, stitched even closer than ever.

It was all so much; their minds touching, his hearts with hers, and his hands on her. She wasn't sure how to respond to it all. Before she had too long to struggle with what she wanted to say in response, she was leaning in close to whisper his name, his real name, to him. She was lead to say it and felt like it was the only thing that was enough for this moment.

It was the first time she'd ever said it to him and he paused to cherish being able to receive it from her. He pulled back and opened his eyes so that he could look at her. She was glad to know it and she smiled up at him. She saw him in a way no one else did; she saw him in a way no one else ever could. It had never bothered her before that she hadn't known his name. But she hadn't exactly known how much she was missing out on. She was glad she knew it now, she was glad she knew such a vital part of him. And she was happy she could use it in times like these with him. It was special; it wasn't something she could say all the time or even every day. She would save it for those most special times and she would remember each time she'd said it.

But this moment between them meant so much she allowed herself to say it again. Her eyes locked on his as she said it again followed by "I love you," this time fully aware she spoke it in Gallifreyian. The effect on him was even greater than she'd hoped. She felt his hearts beating hard and fast against her own, deeply touched by her words. His eyes were filled with tears and then he moved to kiss her again.

He kissed her with an intention she'd never felt from him before and his hands were all over her. He whispered the phrase back in her along with her own name translated into his language. Though it was in Gallifreyian she understood it perfectly. It was beautiful and intricate like a work of art. As lovely as his language was when was written in swirls and circles it did not compare to the beauty of hearing it spoken. She could clearly see what this flower, on his planet had looked like. Though she'd never set eyes on it and never could she had his memory of it. She breathed in and she could smell its scent in her nose. She could feel the texture of it on her fingertips. It was not quite as earth-stopping as his secret name but it was special in its own way. He'd been saving it for now to give it to her on this occasion.

 _How long are you going to stay with me?_ he asked and she smiled.

It had become a special phrase between them. He'd first asked her this on that night when he'd shown her his past and his worst memory. He'd asked it in fear and shame wondering if she would leave him after knowing that part of him. But instead of leaving she had committed to him that night that she would stay with him forever. From time to time he'd ask her it again and with a smile her answer was always the same.

She had thought she'd known him completely that very night when she'd agreed to it. She had known what she'd needed to know to make that commitment to him but she realized now how far she had been from knowing him completely on that night. Right now, she was only minutes from knowing him entirely. She was nearly bare inside and out; in just a moment nothing of her would remain hidden from him. Very soon she would know everything about him and their hearts would join and beat as one.

Her answer was still the same and it always would be. But she smiled all the greater for knowing she could, for the very first time, mean those words completely. Commitment had never been her problem in keeping that promise and now neither would her mortality. Now she really could promise him she'd stay with him forever without the fear of aging and death.

 _Forever,_ she replied simply, feeling everything shift and change inside of them.

As she felt him removing the last pieces of clothing that separated them she found herself in front of that door inside of him. It was the last secret in him, the last hindrance keeping her from knowing all of him. It had sent her away all the times before but now it drew her in, as that pulling in her was doing to him. She was now welcomed with open and waiting arms. She smiled when she got there and felt as it finally, with just a brief touch, opened to let her in. She walked within, walking into their future, walking straight into his hearts.

 _This_ was the stuff of legend. This experience, them as the perfect team, truly two that had become one both inside and out, was the stuff legends were made of. This was the incredible adventure of them and it was only just beginning.

 **A/N: Thank you for reading "Awakening." This concludes my Stuff of Legend series. I want to thank you all for sharing in this journey with the Doctor and Rose. I am humbled that anyone would take the time to read so many of the words I've written. I especially want to thank you those of you who have reviewed along the way. It was your encouragement that made this series possible. When I began this series (over two years ago!) it was only supposed to be a TGINTFP fix-it. But it was your excitement that kept me going and working on this series even at times when I thought about stopping. Thank you again for your kind words. I have immensely enjoyed this series and I hope you all will stop by and say one final word.**


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